Without going into the whole and whole, How does someone tell someone that they care about a great deal, that "while I care about you and your feelings, I cannot be held responsible for, or change, the insecurity that you feel."
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quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
..."while I care about you and your feelings, I cannot be held responsible for, or change, the insecurity that you feel."


Just like that. It may initially hurt the person, but in the long run you'll both be better off.IMHO
I agree with AudioGuy. The best way is the direct way. By the way, rehearse that line "while I care about you and your feelings, I cannot be held responsible for, or change, the insecurity that you feel." because its perfect.

And then, in time you may find its just more work than you can handle or want to handle if it continues "as is". Good luck.
I agree with the other posts but will add something else - which you may not want to hear. I once found myself in a loop where I ended up with a number of insecure women. It was the absolute most frustrating thing to me. Ultimately, I didn't break out of that pattern until I looked at my own behavior and took responsibility for my contributions to the insecurity of my partners.

People aren't insecure in a vacuum. Typically they are insecure becuase they are made to feel that way. Look to see if there is anything that you can do to make the situation better.
I don't know if this would help not knowing the facts but it helps a lot to encourage the person to talk and be a very very good listener. This way the person feels they have someone they can turn to and even lean on when in truth all you are doing is nothing but listening.

Usuaually people become insecure because of past problems. They are not born that way and because they did not deal with those problems it festers and creates insecurities in their lives. Telling them about their problems may just exacerbate and make them even more insecure. Listening and always being there is usually the therapy to help them climb back up and build their self worth and confidence.

I remember when I first met my wife she was nineteen and I was twenty-five. I was confused to see a most amazing beautiful girl totally insecure, lacking any sense of self worth. I was stunned, in my world she would be the toast of the town. I was curious so I listened and I supported. I remember I would leave my door unlocked because she could be gone for days and come back at odd hours in the morning and burst into my room dying to talk and I would wake up sleepily, sit up in bed and accommodate her mood. We became very close, and I remember those days with a lot of fondness.

Eventually she confide in me her older brother used to have sex with her from the age of 9 until she left home to escape the shame of it all even though she had developed a serious crush on her abuser. For all these years she had never told anyone but me. I never condemned, I listened and I supported. The reward of it all is all that hell is behind her now and she is bright, confident, assertive and the most wonderful person I have in my life.

So if you have the time, just make yourself available and listen.

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