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I've experienced this first hand and have seen it happen several times.

Two people date for a few years. They may even cohabitate and have children. They decide to tie the knot only to have the marriage fall apart after only a short time – 6 months to a year.

What happened? Why can to people live LIKE they are married for years but when they actually do the relationship ends?
_______________________ "Morality cannot be legislated but behaviour can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they can restrain the heartless." Martin Luther King.
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I think it happens because of lack of communication which leads to people not making clear their expectations.

Someone being your long term boyfriend/girlfriend and someone becoming your husband and wife mean your expectations can and do change.

And it's not just the females that do this.

Example, there is a couple that have been dating for a long time. The man likes to do a lot of golfing which the woman never seems to have a problem with. They get married and suddenly she is giving him grief about how much time he is spending at the golf course.

What happened is that he was her boyfriend and she probably didn't feel she was entitled to say something to him. But once he becomes her HUSBAND...

A girlfriend/boyfriend may accept that his/her boyfriend/girlfriend goes to clubs with every weekend but this is not acceptable when they become a husband/father or wife/mother.

And it is because people don't reveal their true feelings that this happens. I know men that said they knew they had made a mistake right after the wedding. She CHANGED that quickly.

Here's a real world example. My brother-in-law's best friend was getting married. The women lived in Canada. He lived here. It was a month or two from the wedding when they finally had a conversation about who was going to move. She asked, "So when are you moving to Canada?'' He responded, "what do you mean, when are you moving to the US. How do you get to a month before the wedding and not know where you are going to live? Lack of communication leading to unexpressed expectations.

My wife and I, as soon as we realized that our relationship was moving in that direction, got a workbook for couples considering getting married. It forces couples to talk about important issues and ask important questions. Is there mental illness in the family? Who was the dominant parent in your home when you were growing up? How would you prioritize people in your life once you marry?

I HIGLEY suggest people do this before even considering marriage. Better to find out you aren't on the same page before jumping the broom.
tfro

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