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Exploring a Stereotype

HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
I read the statements below in the thread "Riot Starter #2: Do Black Men still Want Us?". They are the usual statements about the 'strong black woman':

1) "Black women have been trained to be strong," he said. "When they encounter the male, that strength is still there.

2) "Some males that are possible mates are intimidated by the black woman's aggressiveness. That semicastrates him. It puts him into the role that no male feels comfortable in and that is to be subjugated to the feminine side."

3) "Most of the time, white women are much more allowing," Reynolds said. "They're less challenging."

Here I've emphasized terms that I find vague or troubling. What I'd like to ask to you (men and women) is

WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO THESE STATEMENTS MEAN TO YOU?

For example, What specifically does it mean for a woman to be "more allowing" or "less challenging"?

I ask because I personally find statements like these to be so broad and general that they convey no information whatsoever. In fact, I'm convinced that different people probably mean different things when they use them. And for this reason not only do I think they're very unhelpful in discussions of dating and relationships but they're also counterproductive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I have not always been right, but I have always been sincere." ~ W.E.B. Du Bois ~~~~~~~~~~~
Last edited {1}
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HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
I'll start with an example: "aggressiveness"

I suspect that there might be a lot of difference in how people understand this term. For example

1) Does it mean that a person is unafraid to express a need, desire, or opinion?

2) Or does it mean that the person is not receptive to other people's desires or opinions?

My own take on it is that I don't have a problem with #1 but #2 is closer to what I might mean by "aggressive"
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FrenchyFrenchyA1
IMO, it's difficult to really pin down a meaning to those words. They speak to scenarios more than abstract ideas.


Black Man: I'm going out with Tony to pick up something.

Black Woman: No, you're not. It's 2 AM. Especially not with Tony. What do you need to pick up at this time of night?

White Woman: Oh (*slightly surprised*). Bye!

The perception is that Black women will avoid being a doormat at any cost and that White women will actually seek out ways to make themselves more of a doormat. Naturally, it doesn't apply to everyone, but I've seen the stereotype in action a few times.
qty226qty226A1
I'll speak on being aggressive.....

My feelings are this......since black women are the lowest on the 'pole', we pay more for cars, homes, etc.........we were never beautiful, etc. etc. We fought to raise our children, the best way we could.....poor, battered mentally...........we had no choice, but to be aggressive.

I dont know if too many white women, have or will ever have to deal with life.......on this level.
FineFineA1
The power of the spoken word--does in fact-- trigger a reaction in the mind of an individual.

IMHO rather than pick a fight on the short road, I choose the long road of healing...

These terms can be sliced, diced and re-iced over the next century, but until we develop a system of healing we will never get past them...nor the hurt they conjur up into our conscious mind....
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Fagunwa:
I am going into the next room and hug my wife of 26 years. I will then whisper in her ear how much I love and need her. Reading about the "dating scene" has me feeling really fortunate. I would not like to be searching for a mate in these days. Blessings to you all.


YOU ARE VERY FORTUNATE INDEED! I hope you followed through on giving that hug
Smile
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
IMO, it's difficult to really pin down a meaning to those words. They speak to scenarios more than abstract ideas.


Black Man: I'm going out with Tony to pick up something.

Black Woman: No, you're not. It's 2 AM. Especially not with Tony. What do you need to pick up at this time of night?

White Woman: Oh (*slightly surprised*). Bye!

The perception is that Black women will avoid being a doormat at any cost and that White women will actually seek out ways to make themselves more of a doormat. Naturally, it doesn't apply to everyone, but I've seen the stereotype in action a few times.


I think most women (red, black, or green) would have a problem with the scenario you gave here. They might have different outward reactions. But wouldn't any intelligent woman with good self-esteem have a problem here?
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Fine:
These terms can be sliced, diced and re-iced over the next century, but until we develop a system of healing we will never get past them...nor the hurt they conjur up into our conscious mind....


Fine, I agree with you. For the longest time I've thought we should forget 40 acres and a mule and get life-time therapy instead! Smile Therapy is much more useful these days than a mule.

But I also think that as a part of the healing process that we need * new ways of talking to each other * and for this reason we need to explore and understand the old ways.

What do you think?
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
Perhaps it is because I am an immigrant or because I live North of you but WTF is this healing process? Who or what is injured? or is it all an excuse to act badly?

Why is it that not all African-American are affected by this "illness".

If there is no real injury then what is the real excuse?


I'm not sure anyone can answer that question for you. I simply offer as evidence our history in this country, our present reality, and the things we discuss here among ourselves.

BTW, what exactly constitutes a "real" injury and who here is making excuses?
BlacksanctionBlacksanctionA1
BTW, what exactly constitutes a "real" injury and who here is making excuses?- was not a finger point.

A real injury can be physical or mental or both. I have family friends who grew up in an vilolently abusive family- the father was an evil wicked man who beat everyone and tried to even use voodoo to kill his wife when he no longer could reach her. The three children are all in their forties and none have ever been in a healthy relationship or marriage. I believe that this goes right back to their childhood horrors. So when you take about counselling I agree that there are some who could do with some long sessions, however I also believe that some persons take on the mantle of racial victimhood as an excuse for their bad behaviour or to blame women who won't putup with their sorryass shit.

Yes it is a very difficult issue to seperate the wheat from the chafe.
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
I once dated this woman who seemed to have a need to always have the last word. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but it got worse. It didn't matter the subject. I could be talking about my Aunt Gladys - whom she'd never met - and she would offer an opinion which was the 'truth', final and unquestionable. I could be talking about something in my job (in which I'm expert and been doing for years) and the same thing.

Finally, I just got fed up. That's when she said "You just can't deal with a STRONG BLACK WOMAN"
My response was basically that her behavior wasn't a sign of strength whether you were a man or a woman. That was NOT strength. That WAS overbearing and insensitive.

Now here's the point of where I was trying to go. This particular woman had some real personality problems which she masked (hid from herself) with this "Strong Black Woman" business. This was an extreme (and, for me, unacceptable) form of AGGRESSIVE behavior.

But the scenario Frenchy gave (man going out at 2 am) is very different. I think the behavior there is appropriate.

The strong black woman myth was used in both situations. Doesn't that confuse the issues?
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I IamC4
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
BTW, what exactly constitutes a "real" injury and who here is making excuses?- was not a finger point.

A real injury can be physical or mental or both. I have family friends who grew up in an vilolently abusive family- the father was an evil wicked man who beat everyone and tried to even use voodoo to kill his wife when he no longer could reach her. The three children are all in their forties and none have ever been in a healthy relationship or marriage. I believe that this goes right back to their childhood horrors. So when you take about counselling I agree that there are some who could do with some long sessions, however I also believe that some persons take on the mantle of racial victimhood as an excuse for their bad behaviour or to blame women who won't putup with their sorryass shit.

Yes it is a very difficult issue to seperate the wheat from the chafe.


Bullseye!
I IamC4
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I read the statements below in the thread "Riot Starter #2: Do Black Men still Want Us?". They are the usual statements about the 'strong black woman':

1) "Black women have been trained to be strong," he said. "When they encounter the male, that strength is still there.

================================================================================================

Again, there is a huge difference between "strong" and "over bearing".

2) "Some males that are possible mates are intimidated by the black woman's aggressiveness. That semicastrates him. It puts him into the role that no male feels comfortable in and that is to be subjugated to the feminine side."
================================================================================================ There is a huge difference between "aggresivness", and task- master.



3) "Most of the time, white women are much more allowing," Reynolds said. "They're less challenging."

Here I've emphasized terms that I find vague or troubling. What I'd like to ask to you (men and women) is

WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO THESE STATEMENTS MEAN TO YOU?

For example, What specifically does it mean for a woman to be "more allowing" or "less challenging"?

I ask because I personally find statements like these to be so broad and general that they convey no information whatsoever. In fact, I'm convinced that different people probably mean different things when they use them. And for this reason not only do I think they're very unhelpful in discussions of dating and relationships but they're also counterproductive.


I have engaged both races. To a very small degree, white women are "easier". But remotley.

I need a strong woman. Not a dominering woman.
I need a gentle woman, not a beast.

I need a feminine woman, not a masculine woman.
I need a loving woman, not a task master.
I need a woman who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
A woman who has a peaceful "auroa" about her.
A woman who desires respect, by giving respect.
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Iam:
To all the women out there who are "assertive". Tell me, would you want to come home to you?


* This is a good question that all of us - male and female - should ask ourselves *

WOULD YOU WANT TO COME HOME TO YOU?

You brothas out there who can't take care of your responsibilities or have 2 or more women wishing you'd come home, WOULD YOU WANT TO COME HOME TO YOU?
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
He said

quote:

I need a strong woman. Not a domineering woman.
I need a gentle woman, not a beast.

I need a feminine woman, not a masculine woman.
I need a loving woman, not a task master.
I need a woman who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
A woman who has a peaceful "aura" about her.
A woman who desires respect, by giving respect.


She said

quote:

I need a strong man. Not a domineering man.
I need a gentle man, not a beast.

I need a masculine man, not a feminine man.
I need a loving man, not a task master.
I need a man who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
A man who has a peaceful "aura" about him.
A man who desires respect, by giving respect.


What is it that men in women seek?
The lineaments of Gratified Desire.
What is it that women in men seek?
The lineaments of Gratified Desire.

- William Blake
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I once dated this woman who seemed to have a need to always have the last word. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but it got worse. It didn't matter the subject. I could be talking about my Aunt Gladys - whom she'd never met - and she would offer an opinion which was the 'truth', final and unquestionable. I could be talking about something in my job (in which I'm expert and been doing for years) and the same thing.

Finally, I just got fed up. That's when she said "You just can't deal with a STRONG BLACK WOMAN"
My response was basically that her behavior wasn't a sign of strength whether you were a man or a woman. That was NOT strength. That WAS overbearing and insensitive.

Now here's the point of where I was trying to go. This particular woman had some real personality problems which she masked (hid from herself) with this "Strong Black Woman" business. This was an extreme (and, for me, unacceptable) form of AGRESSIVE behavior.

But the scenario Frenchy gave (man going out at 2 am) is very different. I think the behavior there is appropriate.

The strong black woman myth was used in both situations. Doesn't that confuse the issues?



All I can say, HonestBro, is that that lady in question is not a true strong black woman...because a truly strong black woman would not have to even state or make it a point of broadcasting that she is a strong black woman...a true strong black woman knows that it is by her actions and unspoken personality that would prove to all about her inner strength without her saying so. The lady in question instead seems to have some self-esteem issues. My advice is avoid such a person as you will constantly get the same results.
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
The lady in question instead seems to have some self-esteem issues. My advice is avoid such a person as you will constantly get the same results.


But check it out - She was an MD - that's right a Medical Doctor. She really seemed to have her stuff together. And there were a lot of great things about her but this was too much. BTW, I've heard that a lot of doctors are like that. Got to have the last word.
F folobatuyiA1
I am not a domineering individual as I strongly detest the very idea, after growing up in a home where one parent was the domineering one....it is pure evil at the least...but on the same token, I refuse to be domineered. I find it interesting to hear that as a easy-going guy, I am expected to more accepting of a domineering sista....I think not....my question to that is why the need to dominate someone...what happened to the concept of a mutual co-existence and partnership as two individuals working together to achieve mutual goals...I swear..on hearing this talk on domineering, it reminds me of preschool...but that was over 26 years ago...
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
The lady in question instead seems to have some self-esteem issues. My advice is avoid such a person as you will constantly get the same results.


But check it out - She was an MD - that's right a Medical Doctor. She really seemed to have her stuff together. And there were a lot of great things about her but this was too much. BTW, I've heard that a lot of doctors are like that. Got to have the last word.


I am not surprized; you are right...I am a MD too and a few of my fellow sistas at times do show these traits.
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
He said

quote:


I need a strong woman. Not a domineering woman.
I need a gentle woman, not a beast.

I need a feminine woman, not a masculine woman.
I need a loving woman, not a task master.
I need a woman who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
A woman who has a peaceful "aura" about her.
A woman who desires respect, by giving respect.


She said

quote:


I need a strong man. Not a domineering man.
I need a gentle man, not a beast.

I need a masculine man, not a feminine man.
I need a loving man, not a task master.
I need a man who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
A man who has a peaceful "aura" about him.
A man who desires respect, by giving respect.


What is it that men in women seek?
The lineaments of Gratified Desire.
What is it that women in men seek?
The lineaments of Gratified Desire.

- William Blake
LM little minxA1
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
IMO, it's difficult to really pin down a meaning to those words. They speak to scenarios more than abstract ideas.


Black Man: I'm going out with Tony to pick up something.

Black Woman: No, you're not. It's 2 AM. Especially not with Tony. What do you need to pick up at this time of night?

White Woman: Oh (*slightly surprised*). Bye!

The perception is that Black women will avoid being a doormat at any cost and that White women will actually seek out ways to make themselves more of a doormat. Naturally, it doesn't apply to everyone, but I've seen the stereotype in action a few times.


black women avoid being doormats? then why are so many women man sharing and accepting downlowism and other bad behavior?
RoweRoweA1
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:

WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO THESE STATEMENTS MEAN TO YOU?

  • "Black women have been trained to be strong[/b]," he said. "When they encounter the male, that strength is still there.

  • "Some males that are possible mates are intimidated by the black woman's aggressiveness. That semicastrates him.

  • "Most of the time, white women are much more allowing," Reynolds said. "They're less challenging."


    • Great topic Honestbrother! This is a really worthwhile discussion. According to the research that I have done in the past about African-American characterizations and stereotypes, these statements are typical examples of our insistence on comparing African-American women to European-American (White) women. Researchers have discovered that these stereotypes and characterizations of Black women have been created due to people failing to acknowledge and accept that Black women have very different histories, cultures, identities, and experiences from White women. In fact, I posted an article some time ago about what constitutes Black Wholistic Relationships. The author of the article (and book) discussed reasons as to why he feels Black relationships in America are and have deteriorated. Among the many reasons discussed in the article, he cites ignorance about the relationship between what we eat and how we behave as one major reason. The author also explained (paraphrasing) that African-American males tend to relate to Black women as if they are White women, and the standard by which they judge the quality of Black women and their relationships to them is usually against a White cultural standard (i.e., the woman must have a Eurocentric appearance, wear straight hair, have fair skin, speak in a meek and soft tone, and be docile in order for her to be considered "wife material"). The author offers some solutions on how African-American people in general can better ourselves in many areas of concern, including our health and accepting what makes us uniquely African.
    Last edited {1}
    RoweRoweA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by HonestBrother:
    I once dated this woman who seemed to have a need to always have the last word. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but it got worse. It didn't matter the subject. I could be talking about my Aunt Gladys - whom she'd never met - and she would offer an opinion which was the 'truth', final and unquestionable.


    Honestbrother, it's beginning to read as if you are in agreement with these stereotypes. Please explain what does this individual's personality problem have to do with African-American women? What you have described here is not a uniquely Black cultural trait, but an individual's personality problem. I have interacted with people, both Black and White, in work environments who had this problem (e.g., competitive, fault-finding, always needing to be right). In fact, I suspect that I am currently dating a Black man who has this very same issue. So I think it is a little unfair for you to relate this woman's personality problem to African-American women's identity. Would you find it acceptable if I were to discuss relationships in my past that would confirm Black men's "propensity for violence, promiscuity, and lack of motivation?" nono Let us not forget that Black men in this country must also live with the burden of being characterized as hyperagreessive. What do you all think about this characterization? Are all Black men angry, aggressive, and ready to fight anyone who "disrespects" them?
    Last edited {1}
    HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by Rowe:
    Honestbrother, it's beginning to read as if you are in agreement with these stereotypes. Please explain what does this individual's personality problem have to do with African-American women?


    Whoaa...hold up. Please read more carefully.

    quote:

    What you have described here is not a uniquely Black cultural trait, but an individual's personality problem.


    I thought that this was precisely the point I was making. It was the woman in this situation who in her words (not mine) was describing herself as a strong black woman.

    My point was that her personality problems had nothing to do with being black.

    And I was using this example from my life to illustrate how the "strong black woman" myth can be used to blind us to deeper issues. I thought I was being very careful to say that I was only talking about this particular person and not all black women.
    RoweRoweA1
    OK Honestbrother, I must have misunderstood. Clearly, this sister, like so many us, have developed misconceptions about what constitutes a "strong" person. Hopefully you corrected this sister and stressed the difference between a personality problem and a trait that can applied to an entire cultural group or gender. Great discussion! Smile
    Last edited {1}
    F folobatuyiA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by Rowe:
    quote:
    Originally posted by HonestBrother:

    WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO THESE STATEMENTS MEAN TO YOU?

  • "Black women have been trained to be strong[/b]," he said. "When they encounter the male, that strength is still there.

  • "Some males that are possible mates are intimidated by the black woman's aggressiveness. That semicastrates him.

  • "Most of the time, white women are much more allowing," Reynolds said. "They're less challenging."


    • Great topic Honestbrother! This is a really worthwhile discussion. According to the research that I have done in the past about African-American characterizations and stereotypes, these statements are typical examples of our insistence on comparing African-American women to European-American (White) women. Researchers have discovered that these stereotypes and characterizations of Black women have been created due to people failing to acknowledge and accept that Black women have very different histories, cultures, identities, and experiences from White women. In fact, I posted an article some time ago about what constitutes Black Wholistic Relationships. The author of the article (and book) discussed reasons as to why he feels Black relationships in America are and have deteriorated. Among the many reasons discussed in the article, he cites ignorance about the relationship between what we eat and how we behave as one major reason. The author also explained (paraphrasing) that African-American males tend to relate to Black women as if they are White women, and the standard by which they judge the quality of Black women and their relationships to them is usually against a White cultural standard (i.e., the woman must have a Eurocentric appearance, wear straight hair, have fair skin, speak in a meek and soft tone, and be docile in order for her to be considered "wife material"). The author offers some solutions on how African-American relationships and African-American people in general can better ourselves in many areas of concern, including our health and accepting what makes us uniquely African.


    True to the word...that is why I know that females of different races are not the same.....they maybe all human from a biologic point of view but even with that, there are considerable differences. So, in relating with sistas, I learn to relate with them not based on some simplistic viewpoint that all women are the same...too simple IMHO, but from what I know as a black guy.
    HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
    He said

    quote:


    I need a strong woman. Not a domineering woman.
    I need a gentle woman, not a beast.

    I need a feminine woman, not a masculine woman.
    I need a loving woman, not a task master.
    I need a woman who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
    A woman who has a peaceful "aura" about her.
    A woman who desires respect, by giving respect.


    She said

    quote:


    I need a strong man. Not a domineering man.
    I need a gentle man, not a beast.

    I need a masculine man, not a feminine man.
    I need a loving man, not a task master.
    I need a man who has dignity, charm, self-reliance on both of us.
    A man who has a peaceful "aura" about him.
    A man who desires respect, by giving respect.


    What is it that men in women seek?
    The lineaments of Gratified Desire.
    What is it that women in men seek?
    The lineaments of Gratified Desire.

    - William Blake
    Black VikingBlack VikingA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by qty226:
    I'll speak on being aggressive.....

    My feelings are this......since black women are the lowest on the 'pole', we pay more for cars, homes, etc.........we were never beautiful, etc. etc. We fought to raise our children, the best way we could.....poor, battered mentally...........we had no choice, but to be aggressive.

    I dont know if too many white women, have or will ever have to deal with life.......on this level.


    I don't disagree with you here, but I believe it's situational. There are many white women with exactly the same mind set, justified or not. I think that aggressiveness has its place, but like most things it should be used in moderation. The only area where a women doesn't need to utilize moderation is in her positive feminine attrtibutes: Flexibility, Giving, and Integrity. A lady can never be to flexible, to giving, or have to much integrity. So long as she is getting what she needs from most from her man, namely Respect, Romance, and Affection, she can stay that way forever and those positive feminine qualities will never lead her astray romantically.

    My two cents. Wink
    Black VikingBlack VikingA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by Rowe:
    quote:
    Originally posted by HonestBrother:
    I once dated this woman who seemed to have a need to always have the last word. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but it got worse. It didn't matter the subject. I could be talking about my Aunt Gladys - whom she'd never met - and she would offer an opinion which was the 'truth', final and unquestionable.


    Honestbrother, it's beginning to read as if you are in agreement with these stereotypes. Please explain what does this individual's personality problem have to do with African-American women? What you have described here is not a uniquely Black cultural trait, but an individual's personality problem. I have interacted with people, both Black and White, in work environments who had this problem (e.g., competitive, fault-finding, always needing to be right). In fact, I suspect that I am currently dating a Black man who has this very same issue. So I think it is a little unfair for you to relate this woman's personality problem to African-American women's identity. Would you find it acceptable if I were to discuss relationships in my past that would confirm Black men's "propensity for violence, promiscuity, and lack of motivation?" nono Let us not forget that Black men in this country must also live with the burden of being characterized as hyperagreessive. What do you all think about this characterization? Are all Black men angry, aggressive, and ready to fight anyone who "disrespects" them?


    That is a very good point. What exactly is "hyperaggressiveness"? For one person to be observed as more aggressive than another is one thing. For an entire group of people to be characterized as more aggressive there has to be a standard of aggressiveness. Do whites get to set the standard for everything that we do?! protest
    qty226qty226A1
    quote:
    Originally posted by Black Viking:
    quote:
    Originally posted by qty226:
    I'll speak on being aggressive.....

    My feelings are this......since black women are the lowest on the 'pole', we pay more for cars, homes, etc.........we were never beautiful, etc. etc. We fought to raise our children, the best way we could.....poor, battered mentally...........we had no choice, but to be aggressive.

    I dont know if too many white women, have or will ever have to deal with life.......on this level.


    I don't disagree with you here, but I believe it's situational. There are many white women with exactly the same mind set, justified or not. I think that aggressiveness has its place, but like most things it should be used in moderation. The only area where a women doesn't need to utilize moderation is in her positive feminine attrtibutes: Flexibility, Giving, and Integrity. A lady can never be to flexible, to giving, or have to much integrity. So long as she is getting what she needs from most from her man, namely Respect, Romance, and Affection, she can stay that way forever and those positive feminine qualities will never lead her astray romantically.

    My two cents. Wink


    The key sentence in your response was.......

    "I think that aggressiveness has its place, but like most things it should be used in moderation."

    Im not too sure, what white women go through on a daily basis.....i can only assume.

    But being a black woman, i fight everyday. When you continue to fight at every turn.........you become aggressive, to maintain or achieve in life.

    The key for me was to learn how not to be aggressive.....when there was no need. (and i must add, not every black woman had/has this issue).

    So i always say.......im aggressive towards my educational/career goals........but im not aggressive with/towards that man in my life. Smile
    Black VikingBlack VikingA1
    quote:
    Originally posted by qty226:
    quote:
    Originally posted by Black Viking:
    quote:
    Originally posted by qty226:
    I'll speak on being aggressive.....

    My feelings are this......since black women are the lowest on the 'pole', we pay more for cars, homes, etc.........we were never beautiful, etc. etc. We fought to raise our children, the best way we could.....poor, battered mentally...........we had no choice, but to be aggressive.

    I dont know if too many white women, have or will ever have to deal with life.......on this level.


    I don't disagree with you here, but I believe it's situational. There are many white women with exactly the same mind set, justified or not. I think that aggressiveness has its place, but like most things it should be used in moderation. The only area where a women doesn't need to utilize moderation is in her positive feminine attrtibutes: Flexibility, Giving, and Integrity. A lady can never be to flexible, to giving, or have to much integrity. So long as she is getting what she needs from most from her man, namely Respect, Romance, and Affection, she can stay that way forever and those positive feminine qualities will never lead her astray romantically.

    My two cents. Wink


    The key sentence in your response was.......

    "I think that aggressiveness has its place, but like most things it should be used in moderation."

    Im not too sure, what white women go through on a daily basis.....i can only assume.

    But being a black woman, i fight everyday. When you continue to fight at every turn.........you become aggressive, to maintain or achieve in life.

    The key for me was to learn how not to be aggressive.....when there was no need. (and i must add, not every black woman had/has this issue).

    So i always say.......im aggressive towards my educational/career goals........but im not aggressive with/towards that man in my life. Smile


    Well put. I can see where your comming from.

    What I ment about the white women with that mind set is that they can be fighting every day just like you, even if they don't need to. I know as well as anyone when your fighting every day, being a warrior can easily go from being a hobby, to being a habbit, to being a lifestyle.

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    When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
    Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
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