Originally posted by Malik:
Originally posted by ShayaButHer:
We're not talking about withholding sex just to be doing it. We are talking about being sensitive to what your partner may or may not be comfortable with. If your husband is into pleasing you, wouldn't he want you to be present when you have sex? Wouldn't he be considerate of the times when you did not want sex just as he'd expect you to be if he didn't want to have sex? That's what sensitivity is about.
"Wisdom Is A Woman Who UnderStands!"
If your partner is willingly giving you pleasure out of affection and consideration, doesn't that mean that they're "into it"? And who says that the fact that you're not seeking intimacy at the time necessarily means that you won't enjoy it when it occurs? And why do you assume that it's always the man who's seeking sex? There have been plenty of times when I wasn't in the mood, but my wife was, and I got into it for her sake. That's called giving. People do that for each other in a marriage, and they do it willingly. It sounds to me like you're talking about some other issues.
I know all about 'giving'...and that includes giving each other the necessary space when it's needed.
What I have a problem with is the fact that some assume that just because you may not "feel like" having sex at any given moment, then you are not loving, giving, affectionate, considerate, etc....can't you just NOT be in the mood and leave it at that? SomeTimes, you just don't have an inkling to engage in sex and that should be respected.
Whether you are seeking it or not or whether or not you 'might' enjoy it is not the issue. If a Woman says, "No," that should be respectd...and vice versa...and the fact that people can't respect that, married or not, is what troubles me. It doesn't take a genius to see what kinds of problems can be had, if one is not respecting the decision another makes regarding their own body.
MoreOver, I did not assume that it is always the Man who is seeking sex...and I stated as much when I asked, "Wouldn't he be considerate of the times when you did not want sex just as he'd expect you to be if he didn't want to have sex?" It goes both ways.
I was just talking about that very thing with a friend in the wee hours of the morning...his exact question was, "What if I didn't want to have sex with her when she wanted to?" referring to the fact that she was "hot to trot" after menstruation.
Our first inkling as humans is to say, "You better do that before someone else does!" HowEver, do we really have the right to "go all out there" just because our partners don't want to have sex with us when we want them to?
SomeTimes you just have to check your own desire. Just because you have it, doesn't mean that "She's gotta have it."
LOL..."Wisdom Is A Woman With Boundaries!"