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Does Living Together Prepare You For Marriage
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. of Marriage Builders.com

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Heb. 13:4)."

The number of unmarried couples living together has increased dramatically over the past few decades, and I expect that it will continue to increase. The rationale is simple: "By living together before marriage, we'll know how compatible we are." Presumably, if a couple can get along living in the same apartment before marriage, they will be able to get along with each other after marriage.

It's a tempting argument. After all, a date tends to be artificial. Each person is "up" for the occasion, and they make an effort to have a good time together. But marriage is quite different from dating. In marriage, couples are together when they're "down," too. Wouldn't it make sense for a couple to live together for a while, just to see how they react to each other's "down" times? If they discover that they can't adjust when they live together, they don't have to go through the hassle of a divorce. Besides, isn't it easier to adjust when you don't feel trapped by marriage?

The problem with those arguments is that marriage changes everything. If couples that live together think that after marriage everything will be the same, they don't understand what marriage does to a couple, both positively and negatively.

In my experience and in reports I've read, the chances of a divorce after living together are huge, much higher than for couples who have not lived together prior to marriage. If living together were a test of marital compatibility, the statistics should show opposite results -- couples living together should have stronger marriages. But they don't. They have weaker marriages.

To understand why this is the case, I suggest that you consider why couples who live together don't marry. Ask yourself that very question. Why did you choose to live with your boyfriend instead of marrying him?

The answer is that you were not ready to make that commitment to him yet. First, you wanted to see if you still loved him after you cooked meals together, cleaned the apartment together and slept together. In other words, you wanted to see what married life would be like without the commitment of marriage.

But what you don't seem to realize is that you will never know what married life is like unless you're married. The commitment of marriage adds a dimension to your relationship that puts everything on its ear. Right now, you are testing each other to see if you are compatible. If either of you slips up, the test is over, and you are out the door. Marriage doesn't work that way. Slip-ups don't end the marriage, they just end the love you have for each other.

What, exactly, is the commitment of marriage? It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life's ups and downs. You will stick it out together through thick and thin. But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.

Habits are hard to break, and couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.

Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.
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I gotta be serious for a minute. Living together did not prepare me for marriage. When I got married everything really changed because how wifey and I viewed each other changed. It really seemed that our relationship had more "weight" and spirit afterwards. Everything got deeper and stronger. I don't know if it's just because we really know and love each other so much or if that's just how it is when you're really married. When the children came and then the grandchildren came age and knowledge mixed with a more mature outlook and I became a funnier person. My wife was always funny, but I took things more serious while I was climbing trying to secure the family. I really think marriage is great but nothing prepares you for it, you learn as you grow.
quote:
Originally posted by Fagunwa:
I really think marriage is great but nothing prepares you for it, you learn as you grow.


Thanks for sharing! Sadly, its not too often that we hear about marriages that work and last especially considering our very busy lifestyles. Too many of us are unwilling to invest ourselves and our time in relationships and families, at least as much as we should. While others are too busy looking for "short-cuts" to a happy marriage, rather than making a serious committment. But reading about your harmonious marital experience certainly gives me something to look forward to. I've never been married and I don't have any children, but again, I'm certainly looking forward to it and I will take my marital committment very seriously.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Fagunwa:
I really think marriage is great but nothing prepares you for it, you learn as you grow.


Thanks for sharing! Sadly, its not too often that we hear about marriages that work and last especially considering our very busy lifestyles. Too many of us are unwilling to invest ourselves and our time in relationships and families, at least as much as we should. While others are too busy looking for "short-cuts" to a happy marriage, rather than making a serious committment. But reading about your harmonious marital experience certainly gives me something to look forward to. I've never been married and I don't have any children, but again, I'm certainly looking forward to it and I will take my marital committment very seriously.


Ditto...
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Fagunwa:
I really think marriage is great but nothing prepares you for it, you learn as you grow.


Thanks for sharing! Sadly, its not too often that we hear about marriages that work and last especially considering our very busy lifestyles. Too many of us are unwilling to invest ourselves and our time in relationships and families, at least as much as we should. While others are too busy looking for "short-cuts" to a happy marriage, rather than making a serious committment. But reading about your harmonious marital experience certainly gives me something to look forward to. I've never been married and I don't have any children, but again, I'm certainly looking forward to it and I will take my marital committment very seriously.


Ditto...


Or you can both marry me!!! Heart
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
quote:
Originally posted by Fagunwa:
Or you can both marry me!!! Heart


Only in my dreams. Heart

(I figured I'd keep the _scandal_ alive... It's about the closest thing to romance I get as of late...pitiful huh?)
Big Grin


Not pitiful at all. I know it must be hard for intelligent African sisters to find suitable mates. From what I see if I was a woman I might go postal.
Living together is marriage. The concept of a piece of paper defining marriage is a modern concept brought on by the west. If you depend on that piece of paper to define your relationship with your partner, you are heading for a fall.

In West Africa, marriage is defined by the two families coming together through the newly wed as one big family. This means one gets a brand new set of cousins, aunties and Uncles etc with the marriage union. This is the best way to marry in my view as the marriage becomes VERY STRONG and not taken lightly by the couple involved as it is seen as the uniting of two families. This is traditional marriage and it does not involve a piece of paper.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Living together is marriage. The concept of a piece of paper defining marriage is a modern concept brought on by the west. If you depend on that piece of paper to define your relationship with your partner, you are heading for a fall.

In West Africa, marriage is defined by the two families coming together through the newly wed as one big family. This means one gets a brand new set of cousins, aunties and Uncles etc with the marriage union. This is the best way to marry in my view as the marriage becomes VERY STRONG and not taken lightly by the couple involved as it is seen as the uniting of two families. This is traditional marriage and it does not involve a piece of paper.


I agree this is the best way.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
In West Africa, marriage is defined by the two families coming together through the newly wed as one big family. This means one gets a brand new set of cousins, aunties and Uncles etc with the marriage union.


To my knowledge, in traditional African societies, there is still some type of event, ritual, or large festivity that takes place, which legitimizes the union. In other words, an African couple doesn't just arbitrarily wake up one morning and say hey African family, "Me and this girl are married now, ok?" Where do people get this idea that anything goes in Africa??? In any case, whether its a traditional wedding in a church, a marital license obtained in the court house, or jumping over a broom, each culture has its own way of legitimizing a marriage. Therefore, despite the different methods used, ultimately, the whole idea is to acknowledge your union in the presence of others (witnesses) and to make the marriage legally binding in compliance with the laws of your society. And considering how men these days are just tipping in and out of women's lives for dumb shit like, "she gained too much weight," or "she cut her hair too short," for a woman to NOT demand a marriage license before agreeing to commit to a man as his wife is just plain STUPID.
Rowe I see your point and I wholeheartedly agree with you. The marriage certificate is important but the point I was making is a piece of paper does not make the marriage. The couple's right of passage as you mentioned is very important as this where friends and family see and acknowledge the couple are seeing each other and are becoming a union of one.

What worries me is current the high divorce rate. I believe the divorce rate is high because we place too much emphasis on the piece of paper than the right of passage which I define as the building stage of the relationship itself. I believe this building stage is very important. The harder the couple work at it the better the fruit from their efforts. I believe if couples focus on this instead of the piece of paper, they would work harder at their union and make marriage work. In the building stage of the relationship it is the being together that matters and it does not not matter whether the union is defined by a piece of paper or not. At the moment because the emphasis is on the piece of paper people literally play russian roulette with each others hearts and emotions and very few people allow themselves to ACTUALLY fall in love for fear of getting hurt. I believe if among black people we start emphasizing that who you go with is your wife or husband, piece of paper or not, we might cut down on the high level of promiscuity and messing about.

You might not agree but in certain societies including what I see in West Africa this is what is done and it works. For example in West Africa one can not go and mess with someone's daughter, make her pregnant and walk away as one can do in the west. No sir, one would be in serious trouble, that girl would become one's wife overnight. If one carries on like how many of the youth behave in the west and get away with it, in West Africa one would end up with ten wives and staring perpetual poverty in the face.

If my understanding is correct, Americans once upon a time did not need the piece of paper to say they were married. You mess with someone's daughter, you end up with a shotgun in your face - hence the shotgun weddings.
Just to add on to what I had already said. In the foregone type of marriage that I described let me point out an important rule that I left out in the West African tradition.

You can not have children with someone's daughter and then turn round and divorce her either. Whatever you do she would always be seen as your wife.

This means as a man your relationships follow you around. If you meet a new girl and you want to marry her she would be seen as the second/third etc wife and this can be deterrent on the man if the new woman he is seeing does not wish to be in a polygamous relationship. In this case once the sisters know you have a child with someone, they don't wish to know, unless they are the type who don't mind sharing.

In the western way of doing things it is only the woman that is usually scarred in the relationship because of the children she had with the man. This usually stops the woman from moving on and meeting her Mr Right while the man can walk away and have as many relationships into perpetuity with no kinds of restraints whatsoever. The way I see it if we adopt the West African method, men's actions would be reined in and curtailed because if you mess about with a brother that is with a sister, then you risk being seen as the second/third/fourth etc wife in our eyes as black people. I believe very few western black women would want the label of being the other wife and this in turn should drive up the value we place on our relationships and make couples work harder at making it work.

I believe this is a type of naming and shaming that if adopted can bring some check and balance and stop the many broken homes and misery that is currently overwhelming and destroying the black family in the west
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
If my understanding is correct, Americans once upon a time did not need the piece of paper to say they were married. You mess with someone's daughter, you end up with a shotgun in your face - hence the shotgun weddings.


And I suppose this ended because some women perhaps had grown tired of marrying a man out of obligation? Not every woman who becomes pregnant by a man wants to marry the father of the baby now. Let's not overlook that! In any event, I understand your concerns. We can spend many days discussing all of the societal factors that are contributing toward the poor quality of marriages today, which I believe, are completely unrelated to the marriage certificate itself. Considering the many problems, stress, and pressures people have today, I doubt that if we remove the certificate requirement, the divorce rate will suddenly decrease. Therefore I fail to see how, in your mind, failing marriages can be attributed to a certificate. That doesn't make any sense to me. That would be last place I would look to blame for failing marriages. In the area of family dynamics, how about the traditional family has been completely disrupted, roles between a husband and wife have been completely reversed, society has placed equal demands and expectations on both the woman and the man. Consequently, one spouse has no time for the other, which reduces the marital relationship to a "roomate situation," where neither has time to invest into the marital bond. More importantly, children are being neglected, their social and academic development left up to the child to "figure out." Then if we talk about racial matters, there's a whole other set of problems to contend with (e.g., black unemployment, black men cannot provide for their families with menial jobs requiring very little education or skills). And the issues go on and on, all of which, are much more likely to be the causes of failing marriages than the marriage certifcate itself.
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So Rowe you don't think the woman should marry the man who got her pregnant? How may black men do you know who are falling head over heels to marry women with children? In my world of black men very few. There is far too much choice for the average black man and therefore a blackwoman with a child or children is severely handicapped. In this type of climate, I firmly believe if you make the woman pregnant she is automatically your wife.
By the way Rowe I never said said marriages fail because of the certificate. What I said was living together is marriage and placing too much emphasis on the certificate instead of the working relationship means that marriage is doomed to fail.

If couples understand the seriousness of their commitment to each other the relationship would work and it does not need a piece of paper to bind them together.

As I said once upon a time in America black people were in marriage situations that lasted till death and there was no piece of paper to legitimize their union. What made things work was the commitment to each other. In todays society that commitment is defined by a piece of paper.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
So Rowe you don't think the woman should marry the man who got her pregnant?


I think a woman should have the right to marry whomever she wants, regardless of who she becomes pregnant by. If I ever got pregnant by one of the boneheads that I've slept with and was subsequently forced to marry him, my family wouldn't hear the end of it. The point is, these are different times, no longer does our social arrangement demand us to love and marry someone out of obligation. I also think there is a difference between a 'shotgun marriage' and the arranged marriages that are formed in traditional societies.
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Rowe do you understand the implication of your own words? You admit freely that you sleep with boneheads? People are supposed to have some control over what is between their legs not sleep with anything in a skirt or trousers. Phew even in the animal kingdom the females pick the strongest and the best male to copulate with and not with anything on four legs.

You might not love this bonehead but it is not only you in the picture, that bonehead might be madly in love with you and sleeping with the bonehead with no intention of ever settling for him/her makes you a menace and a USER. A big part of the problem facing the black family.

If you sleep with people you have no intention of settling down with, it is an indication of being a weak or a greedy person and in this case a large part of the problems ravaging the black family and nowhere contributing to the solution.

What is between a man or a woman's legs is not a playground, it is something that if not properly controlled and used leads to all sorts of untold misery for the unwise. A person is caught and put in Prison over a felony, likewise if you are CAUGHT playing with something between someone's legs you deserve all the consequences that come with it - be it marriage or HIV.
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
Henry,

While it may be true that sleeping with a bonehead is a stupid thing to do,...
nono
...it is not nearly as stupid as marrying a bonehead!
Eek
It doesn't even come close!

I agree that marrying a bonehead is a stupid thing to do but I am arguing from the viewpoint that if you are prepared to do the crime then be prepared to do the time.

Look at it like this, if I sleep with a bonehead and she turns around and claims she is pregnant, there is very little I can do about it as the man. I would have to take whatever bonehead child she gives me. In short I am paying for my stupidity. The way I see it the same should apply to the woman and thank God there is a bigger black world out there that demands just that. You sleep around you suffer the consequences which in this case means you marry the bonehead. This way others can see and learn from the stupid spectacle.

Rowe's statement if taken literally imply that if black women are carrying on like she described for herself then our women have no respect for themselves whatsoever. Women are the BEDROCK for any strong civilization, if that bedrock is rotten then anything one builds on it is built on a shaky foundation and in this case the root cause of many of our problems as black people.

Women are the foundation of tomorrow's generation. If our women are loose and lacking in moral ethics then tomorrows generation is in serious trouble.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Women are the foundation of tomorrow's generation. If our women are loose and lacking in moral ethics then tomorrows generation is in serious trouble.


I am going to say AMEN, Henry38!!

And then I am going to tape my fingers shut ... before I say things that would really get me in trouble! Big Grin
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quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
You admit freely that you sleep with boneheads?


Of course, any sane person would not intentionally seek out boneheads to date. But unless you are a virgin, and plan to stay a virgin until you are married, the odds of the first person you sleep with being your soulmate are slim. Allow me to provide an example that will hopefully crystallize my arguments because you seem to be somewhat confused about my position on this topic.

LaKeisha was 16 when she meet Tyrone, who was 18. Both of them are from urban areas and both of them come from poor and dysfunctional families. Seemingly in love, LaKeisha and Tyrone begin to engage in intercourse and nine months later LaKeisha had her first son. Five years later, LaKeisha meets a mentor at a local community center who just happen to have gotten a hold of LaKeisha's high school transcripts. The mentor noticed that LaKeisha was a straight "A" student and he encouraged LaKeisha to pursue a scholarship so that she can attend college. As LaKeisha matured and her interest in many subjects expanded, her and Tyrone began to grow apart. They argued frequently in front of their son, and on two separate occassions, Tyrone told LaKeisha that she was "stupid, ugly, and would never be nothing without him." Later, LaKeisha applies to two HBCUs and one Ivy League University (Harvard, just for fun!). To her surprise and amazement, she discovers that Harvard, of all colleges, offers her a four-year scholarship for minority women pursuing a degree in Science, on campus housing included, on the condition that she will maintain no less than a 3.50 average during her undergraduate college career.

Now do you mean to tell me, Henry38, that you would demand LaKeisha to marry Tyrone, remain in a dead end relationship that not only stunts her development as a person, but her son's development watching his mother be abused, all the while denying her a very promising future, just to satisfy someone else's incredibly warped and idealistic view of marriage??? To me, that would be a stupid decision. People, women especially, must decide for themselves what is best for their future. Therefore, LAKEISHA HAS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR LAKEISHA, not what is best for Henry38. Who knows, LaKeisha may very well meet her Mr. Perfect there on the Harvard campus. Preferrably, someone who is a much better match for her, considering her growing aspirations as a black female scientist, and someone who can serve as a better role model for her son. The whole point of this scenerio is to get you to not be so narrow-minded in your thinking concerning this subject. Life is not so cut and dry, black and white: "You get pregnant, you get married." Life is not like that and you need to realize that.
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quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Look at it like this, if I sleep with a bonehead and she turns around and claims she is pregnant, there is very little I can do about it as the man. I would have to take whatever bonehead child she gives me.


Accepting your responsibilities as a father and being forced into a marriage are two different subjects my dear. Now which subjects are you interested in discussing, accepting your responsibilities as a parent or Marriage?
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:

LaKeisha was 16 when she meet Tyrone, who was 18. Both of them are from urban areas and both of them come from poor and dysfunctional families. Seemingly in love, LaKeisha and Tyrone began to engage in intercourse and nine months later LaKeisha had her first son. Five years later, LaKeisha meets a mentor at a local community center who just happen to have gotten a hold of LaKeisha's highschool transcripts. The mentor noticed that LaKeisha was a straight "A" student and he encouraged LaKeisha to pursue a scholarship so that she can attend college. As LaKeisha matured and her interest in many subjects expanded, her and Tyrone began to grow apart. They argued frequently in front of their son, and on two separate occassions, Tyrone told LaKeisha that she was "stupid, ugly, and would never be nothing without him." Later, LaKeisha applies to two HBCUs and one Ivy League University (Harvard, just for fun!). To her surprise and amazement, she discovers that Harvard, of all colleges, offers her a four-year scholarship for minority women pursuing a degree in Science, on campus housing included, on the condition that she will maintain no less than a 3.50 average during her undergraduate college career.

Now do you mean to tell me, Henry38, that you would demand LaKeisha to marry Tyrone, remain in a dead end relationship that not only stunts her development as a person, but her son's development watching his mother be abused, all the while denying her a very promising future, just to satisfy someone else's incredibly warped and idealistic view of marriage??? To me, that would be a stupid decision. People, women especially, must decide for themselves what is best for their future. Therefore, LAKEISHA HAS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR LAKEISHA, not what is best for Henry38. Who knows, LaKeisha may very well meet her Mr. Perfect there on the Harvard campus. Preferrably, someone who is a much better match for her, considering her growing aspirations as a black female scientist and someone who can serve as a better role model for her son. The whole point of this scenerio is to get you to not be so narrow-minded in your thinking concerning this subject. Life is not so cut and dry, black and white: "You get pregnant, you get married." Life is not like that and you need to realize that.


But don't you think that it would be better for Lakeisha to marry Tyrone, dispite the abuse, so that she and her family can serve as an example to show others the consequences of premarital sex? This way others can see and learn from the stupid spectacle.

By removing herself and her child from an abusive situation, and going off to college, Lakeisha is selfishly putting her own needs and desires and her child's future before the needs of the wider Black community. Instead, she should just do the right thing, and marry Tyrone, and give up her own selfish dreams, in order that the wider Black community can benifit from seeing and learning from the stupid spectacle.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
You admit freely that you sleep with boneheads?


Of course, any sane person would not intentionally seek out boneheads to date. But unless you are a virgin, and plan to stay a virgin until you are married, the odds of the first person you sleep with being your soulmate are slim. Allow me to provide an example that will hopefully crystallize my arguments because you seem to be somewhat confused about my position on this topic.

LaKeisha was 16 when she meet Tyrone, who was 18. Both of them are from urban areas and both of them come from poor and dysfunctional families. Seemingly in love, LaKeisha and Tyrone began to engage in intercourse and nine months later LaKeisha had her first son. Five years later, LaKeisha meets a mentor at a local community center who just happen to have gotten a hold of LaKeisha's highschool transcripts. The mentor noticed that LaKeisha was a straight "A" student and he encouraged LaKeisha to pursue a scholarship so that she can attend college. As LaKeisha matured and her interest in many subjects expanded, her and Tyrone began to grow apart. They argued frequently in front of their son, and on two separate occassions, Tyrone told LaKeisha that she was "stupid, ugly, and would never be nothing without him." Later, LaKeisha applies to two HBCUs and one Ivy League University (Harvard, just for fun!). To her surprise and amazement, she discovers that Harvard, of all colleges, offers her a four-year scholarship for minority women pursuing a degree in Science, on campus housing included, on the condition that she will maintain no less than a 3.50 average during her undergraduate college career.

Now do you mean to tell me, Henry38, that you would demand LaKeisha to marry Tyrone, remain in a dead end relationship that not only stunts her development as a person, but her son's development watching his mother be abused, all the while denying her a very promising future, just to satisfy someone else's incredibly warped and idealistic view of marriage??? To me, that would be a stupid decision. People, women especially, must decide for themselves what is best for their future. Therefore, LAKEISHA HAS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR LAKEISHA, not what is best for Henry38. Who knows, LaKeisha may very well meet her Mr. Perfect there on the Harvard campus. Preferrably, someone who is a much better match for her, considering her growing aspirations as a black female scientist and someone who can serve as a better role model for her son. The whole point of this scenerio is to get you to not be so narrow-minded in your thinking concerning this subject. Life is not so cut and dry, black and white: "You get pregnant, you get married." Life is not like that and you need to realize that.

My my my this is getting very personal now. Did I hit at a sore spot dear.

Never mind. Go back and look at the picture you have painted and flip it round. Would you be painting it so graphically it was the man abandoning and walking out on your beloved Lakeisha and her child because the man's horizon has somehow transformed?

Hmmmn but then it is not black-women who complain bitterly that successful black men don't like to marry them. Listening to you and that illustration I wouldn't be surprised that many of this selfish men may has been brought up by mothers like you who train them to think because their situation in life has changed they should adopt a throw away mentality and dish their childhood sweethearts for, dare I say it, "better ladies." Boy no wonder the black family is in trouble.
ROTFL, you really have a warped way of thinking Rowe. Let me quote you on the flip side.

"Things are looking up for Tyrone, Therefore according to Rowe, "TYRONE HAS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR TYRONE" which means ditch the bitch and her child as they would only hold back Tyrone's golden future and who knows Tyrone may just meet Ms Right on Harvard campus. Preferrably, someone who is a much better match for him, considering his growing aspirations as a black male scientist and someone who can serve as a better role model for his son.

What a clever and morally upright person you are Rowe.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
ROTFL, you really have a warped way of thinking Rowe. Let me quote you on the flip side.

"Things are looking up for Tyrone, Therefore according to Rowe, "TYRONE HAS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR TYRONE" which means ditch the bitch and her child as they would only hold back Tyrone's golden future and who knows Tyrone may just meet Ms Right on Harvard campus. Preferrably, someone who is a much better match for him, considering his growing aspirations as a black male scientist and someone who can serve as a better role model for his son.

What a clever and morally upright person you are Rowe.


I must have missed the part where Lakeisha ditches the child in Rowe's version.

Also, you forgot to include the part where Lakeisha is abusive towards Tyrone on your own version. There's no reason for anybody to put up with abuse. Better to find somebody who is not abusive.
Whatdamatter little Rocardo? Why are you picking on me? Too many stiff planks up your sh'it arse dulling your senses? Or is it sadism and senseless masochism that is propelling you into my gun sights?

I know a group of white men kicked you off a white discussion board because you made them feel less white.

What about white women? Ever gone out with any? From the way you sound I wouldn't be surprised if the sight of you make them run the other way.

Who would blame them, the sight of you always reminds me of the DOG"S DINNER
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Whatdamatter little Rocardo? Why are you picking on me?


Are you feeling picked on, Henry? I'm not sure why. I wasn't trying to pick on you. I can only imagine that perhaps you were picked on as a child, and you get your feelings hurt easily.

Please don't cry, Henry. Everything's going to be OK.

You just have to realize that sometimes people will disagree with you at times when you post at boards meant for grownups, Henry. It's nothing personal. It's just something that us grownups do. You'll understand when you get older. In time, you'll learn how to handle disagreement without crying, Henry.

quote:
Too many stiff planks up your sh'it arse dulling your senses? Or is it sadism and senseless masochism that is propelling you into my gun sights?


Really, Henry. I'm not interested in your bizarre sexual fantasies.

Why do you feel the need to talk about your sexual fantasies here in such explicite detail? Can't you start a thread especially for that? Just title it "Henry's Sexual Fantasies". That way those of us who are not interested in your sex life can simply skip it.

quote:
I know a group of white men kicked you off a white discussion board because you made them feel less white.


Oh, it's been at least a couple of weeks since I've been banned from any forum.

quote:
What about white women? Ever gone out with any?


Why do you ask? Are you looking for a hookup? Got a thing for white women, Henry?

Sorry, but I don't know of anybody who would be interested in you. Especially if they were to read your bizarre perverted sexual fantasies that you tend to post in such explicit detail here. Who would want to get hooked up with a pervert like you?

Most women that I know are looking for somebody normal, Henry, not somebody like you.

quote:
From the way you sound I wouldn't be surprised if the sight of you make them run the other way.

Who would blame them, the sight of you always reminds me of the DOG"S DINNER


Oh, Henry! You are just so cute when your feelings get hurt. How can anybody resist that little poutty face of yours?
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Listening to you and that illustration I wouldn't be surprised that many of this selfish men may has been brought up by mothers like you...


Henry, you seem to be caught up in the rapture of your own distortions about what's being discussed here. I don't know how to respond to all of the nonsensical ranting you've just done. However, I will say this: This is not a competition, so why are behaving so defensively? With each response made, you've become more and more defensive. Though many of your arguments can be characterized as niave, I can certainly appreciate some of the statements you've made, so get rid of the chip on your shoulder girl. This conversation is not even all that heavy.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
Instead, she should just do the right thing, and marry Tyrone, and give up her own selfish dreams, in order that the wider Black community can benifit from seeing and learning from the stupid spectacle.


Ricardomath, you are sooooo funny. How I do enjoy your sarcasm. Smile
Well well well, Taking the fact that you easily sleep with boneheads, it not surprising having the "dogs dinner" as a cheerleader is something for "YOU" to croon about.
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Originally posted by Rowe:
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Originally posted by henry38:
Listening to you and that illustration I wouldn't be surprised that many of this selfish men may has been brought up by mothers like you...


Henry, you seem to be caught up in the rapture of your own distortions about what's being discussed here. I don't know how to respond to all of the nonsensical ranting you've just done. However, I will say this: This is not a competition, so why are behaving so defensively? With each response made, you've become more and more defensive. Though many of your arguments can be characterized as niave, I can certainly appreciate some of the statements you've made, so get rid of the chip on your shoulder girl. This conversation is not even all that heavy.

This conversation is not heavy I would agree, neither is it a competition. Look closely you are the one bringing up illustrations to make your points and I just point out how ridiculous they come across and shoot them down.

I would tell you what the problem is here because you seem to be missing it. You are talking on the Internet as if you are talking to someone down the road from you. Listening to your arguments it comes across like in your world, black women do better than black men so YOU are encouraging them to do as they please. That is your WHOLE argument and if I don't agree you think it is naive. Not so my dear. There is a far bigger black world and you are just a tiny drop in it. In this BIGGER black world the black men are on top and far outdo their female counterpart anytime on ALL fronts and it is from this perspective that I am talking to you from. In this type of black world because of the great and unequal disparity in fortune and privilege everything is done to protect and honor our women or they would not stand a chance. So you would see the views I hold are quite prevalent and very valid in this type of climate. If you take a moment and look outside the box and start talking outside the little sphere that is YOUR world you would begin to see that your views come across as pretty dangerous and detrimental to these black women in the bigger black world. Take a moment and reflect on that.

Imagine telling black women from Africa to the Caribbean about some of the views you are touting here on relationships, they would have a fit.

I have not bumped into you much but this conversation and other things I have heard you say gives me the uneasy feeling that you do not respect black men at all. If that is the case my dear, check your attitude because contrary to what you might think, it is you who is heading for a fall. No matter how little you think of us blackmen we are having "A LIFE" while you if you are not careful would be left on the very shelves you are building and grow old lonely and sad cases.
quote:
Originally posted by henry38:
Whatdamatter little Rocardo? Why are you picking on me? Too many stiff planks up your sh'it arse dulling your senses? Or is it sadism and senseless masochism that is propelling you into my gun sights?

I know a group of white men kicked you off a white discussion board because you made them feel less white.

What about white women? Ever gone out with any? From the way you sound I wouldn't be surprised if the sight of you make them run the other way.

Who would blame them, the sight of you always reminds me of the DOG"S DINNER


Henry38 I'm surprised at you! W.W.J.D.? Is this the sort of things you learned to do at home? I think not. I happen to know something about Ewe and Fon people , you are Benini aren't you? And I know for sure that there is no way this type of behavior is OK in your family. Please repent and withdraw from your wicked ways.
If you're living together with the intent on getting married, why not just wait until you're married? This seems like a rent to own approach to relationships. It's stupid. Everybody know it's cheaper to just save up and buy the living room set instead of paying a ridiculous interest rate getting further and further away instead of closer to owning it.

If I lost you... good.
isn't there some statistic floating around stating that your marraige is less likely to last if you lived together for a long period of time before marraige? i thought i heard that once.

truth be told, there is a difference between shacking and marriage. i've known soooo many couples who lived together for years, got married and divorced within two to three years. not that all marriage isn't fragile. but the folks who didn't live together first seem to last for at least five years. . .hee hee.
quote:
Originally posted by HeruStar:
If you're living together with the intent on getting married, why not just wait until you're married? This seems like a rent to own approach to relationships. It's stupid. Everybody know it's cheaper to just save up and buy the living room set instead of paying a ridiculous interest rate getting further and further away instead of closer to owning it.

If I lost you... good.
appl
I don't know about the post-shacking/marriage break-up stats; but if that's true, it is understandable. Especially, when one or the other gets married thinking that the annoying shacking behaviors "will change once we are married." They don't.

My experience has been that shacking is a good thing. One never knows someone until they have to share the same space 24/7.

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