Has there been times in your dating lives when you were fed up to the point, and just said "Fuck it" whats the use?

All the issues we got going on these days, is it even possible to have a healthy relationship?

Should we just get in where we fit in?

I say all this because seems like dating gets more and more like a job everyday. You meet someone you think is cool, you go out have converse , you find out you have disagreements, and since each of you are set in your own ways and your own beiefs no one budges and quit before you get started.Seems like people think they will find this perfect mate that will just fall in place and everything will work smoothly. Are we all living in Wonder Wonder land??
Original Post
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
Has there been times in your dating lives when you were fed up to the point, and just said "Fuck it" whats the use?

All the issues we got going on these days, is it even possible to have a healthy relationship?

Should we just get in where we fit in?

I say all this because seems like dating gets more and more like a job everyday. You meet someone you think is cool, you go out have converse , you find out you have disagreements, and since each of you are set in your own ways and your own beiefs no one budges and quit before you get started.Seems like people think they will find this perfect mate that will just fall in place and everything will work smoothly. Are we all living in Wonder Wonder land??


Dating should feel like a job Zakar, but it should be a job that you enjoy. People put more energy and effort into their paying jobs than they do to the job of making a relationship work.
I believe that people are so damaged by past relationships that the first sign of trouble, they are ready to throw in the towel.
It's hard work and both people have to be clear on what they want and committed to seeing it through to fruition.
But to answer your question, yes, I do feel like saying "fuck it" sometimes. I have found that I am a much happier person when I am single. Men can bring the drama just as much as women sometimes. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to deal with it anymore.
when you are unable to find someone to travel the journey of life with in relative peace...
Not as of yet, the religion has been a big problem!

what's the alternative?
I have no idea, maybe there is some women on the moon,lol

a string of shallow relationships for the rest of your life?
who knows!
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
when you are unable to find someone to travel the journey of life with in relative peace...
Not as of yet, the religion has been a big problem!


I'm sorry but the majority of the WORLD adheres to some type of faith... this is not the fault of the world... if you are an independent thinker.. and you feel the need for community you must create one...
or convince others to see as you do...

quote:


what's the alternative?
I have no idea, maybe there is some women on the moon,lol


Unless they believe in the "earth god" Big Grin

quote:
a string of shallow relationships for the rest of your life?
who knows!


Just know that if you are dissatisfied at any point with this arrangement it is because you were unable to create or convince....
Just know that if you are dissatisfied at any point with this arrangement it is because you were unable to create or convince....
Maybe so, maybe i should be more patient, maybe i should keep my mouth shut.You plant seeds in other in hope it will take and germinate, people plant seeds in you hoping the same. I honestly try to give it thought, I dont accept or reject right out of hand. But the world doesnt move like that, its indoctrinated to believe this or that, and right now the overwhelming amount of black people are either Christian or Muslim in this Country
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
Just know that if you are dissatisfied at any point with this arrangement it is because you were unable to create or convince....
Maybe so, maybe i should be more patient, maybe i should keep my mouth shut.You plant seeds in other in hope it will take and germinate, people plant seeds in you hoping the same. I honestly try to give it thought, I dont accept or reject right out of hand. But the world doesnt move like that, its indoctrinated to believe this or that, and right now the overwhelming amount of black people are either Christian or Muslim in this Country


I find the opposite... but convincing you is not worth the energy as you are indoctrinated to believe this way or that...

but among those who are "educated" there is an indoctrination into platonistic prisms...

and the Nation of Islam is a minority within a minority within a minority...

as a woman in the Nation of Islam... add one more minority..

and I am sober that I must create or convince if I want more of society to reflect my views... but I simply do not wish to...
find the opposite... but convincing you is not worth the energy as you are indoctrinated to believe this way or that...

but among those who are "educated" there is an indoctrination into platonistic prisms...
If you allow that

and the Nation of Islam is a minority within a minority within a minority...
True, but if you simply find someone within the organization that believes what you believes it should be relatively easy to find a mate. since both have a foundation in what i call "Liberation Islam"

as a woman in the Nation of Islam... add one more
minority..
why is that? simply marry a man in the Nation

and I am sober that I must create or convince if I want more of society to reflect my views... but I simply do not wish to...
Just live the way you feel is right, let them make the decision

Peace,
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
find the opposite... but convincing you is not worth the energy as you are indoctrinated to believe this way or that...

but among those who are "educated" there is an indoctrination into platonistic prisms...
If you allow that

and the Nation of Islam is a minority within a minority within a minority...
True, but if you simply find someone within the organization that believes what you believes it should be relatively easy to find a mate. since both have a foundation in what i call "Liberation Islam"

as a woman in the Nation of Islam... add one more
minority..
why is that? simply marry a man in the Nation

and I am sober that I must create or convince if I want more of society to reflect my views... but I simply do not wish to...
Just live the way you feel is right, let them make the decision

Peace,


I'm not in need of peace.. dear.. nor of a man... I find them in and out of the Nation IF I wanted to take advantage of that...

THe post was clarification for YOU to reflect... my examples were only that.. examples... you seem to be at a loss for women that you find are compatible...

Me?

I'm good...

Big Grin
I've never said "fuck it" to dating. I've had the time of my life. What is most important is that I understand my mind and my heart well enough to just allow myself some down time in between relationships. And I'm not talking about a peice of ass on the side or lingering around with an ex either. I'm talking about straight up, to myself, meditation and reflection time. I'm quite comfortable with the woman I'm dating now.
I'm not in need of peace.. dear.. nor of a man... I find them in and out of the Nation IF I wanted to take advantage of that...

THe post was clarification for YOU to reflect... my examples were only that.. examples... you seem to be at a loss for women that you find are compatible...
me quite a few other brothers for some strange reasons,
Me?

I'm good...
well good to see you are in good shape
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
me quite a few other brothers for some strange reasons,




That quite a few may not be so few... brovas don't seem to be at a loss for sisters to be with....

I think that "quality" whether male or female is hard to come by...

which is why it is termed "quality"

Salaam....
I'm happy as a lark. Content and chillin. The only human being that's responsible for my happiness is me. Fuck anybody outside my cerebral cortex that thinks they can tell me how I feel about myself.

If you don't feel comfortable involving yourself with a woman/man of another race, then that's your perrogative. But don't sit there, not having a damn soul in your life, and make assumptions and accusations that an interracial couple is unhappy solely because they're of different races. You got fists FULL of black-on-black couples that are mad as hell at each other. Fist fulls of them co-habitate while even more numbers never even get together - they just leave babies all over the damn place. So, you're supposed to tell me that ALL NEGROES are happier than people in interracial relationships and marriages simply because they are of the same race? Get the fuck outta here with that Alice in Wonderland hocus pockus.

To even remotely insinuate that the non-black person in an interracial relationship is somehow less than makes you a racist and makes you no better than the oppressors you claim you loathe so much.

Again, no one is responsible for my happiness but me, which means I'm going to follow my heart not socio-political dogma. You've got to be literally insane if you think I would view the love, compatability, friendship, and trust from a human being as being any less because of her race. You can call me a self-hater, a baby killer, a terrorist or anything else that comes to your imagination - I'm the one happily involved with a significant other. You two are the ones initiating all of these woe-is-me threads.

"Oh booo hoooo I hate all black men."


"Oh booo hoooo fuck dating."

"Oh boooo hoooo why do black men dog us black women out?"

"Oh booooo hoooo are black women of other nationalities any better than African American women?"



....the fuck outta here.

Stop acting like a big ass baby and stop being worried about what other people think about your own individual happiness. These pro-black negroes you're trying to impress don't give a fuck about you beyond this discussion board and even in the real world they'll drop your ass in a hot second the minute you divulge a thought that isn't in accordance with theirs. Cookies and cream if you can find a love interest that's of your own race but you're a damn fool if you pass up chemistry with a non-black person because you're too busy thinking about what some other fools think about you.
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
What is most important is that I understand my mind and my heart well enough to just allow myself some down time in between relationships.



This is something that im learning to do.

Some people, become bitter, annoyed.....etc.

For me, being single means i have more time to just think about 'me'. This keeps me happy, and im able to share that happiness, when meeting someone nice.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
More bs

Like striving for & achieving satisfaction is just a male trait...

Prove this statement:

quote:
Men tend to satisfy themselves to their fill...


or cut the propaganda out. ohsnap


You have to understand, ddouble, that women like Khaliqua have selective memory loss when it comes to men. They prefer to push men away and stay single because they're cowards. It's safer and easier to demonize all men than to actually look in the mirror and take responsibility. These type of melodrama queens get a twisted satisfaction out of creating reasons to stay single

I learned a long time ago to be very weary of women that can find more reasons to stay single than they do to pursue a desirable mate. it's one thing to have a bad experience and take a breather before jumping back into the game. It's quite another to generalize all men - penalizing men they don't know and never met because of the actions of one or two men in their past.

Then you have the borderline psychotic drama queen like the sister in the movie 'A Thin Line Between Love and Hate'. They pretend like they're too busy/ too saught after by other men/ still trying to recover from a relationship that ended (or never even started)a decade ago to be bothered with another man - only to lure you in. On a side note, this should be a warning to all you brothers out there. Anytime you run into a sister that exhibits one or all of the aforementioned just run away. Don't try to rationalize their walking wounded behavior and definately don't fall into the situation of being Prince Valiant/Captain Sav-a-ho. Just run.

She lets you inside and develops an immediate affection for you and next thing you know you become the center of her life. You become her crutch, her confidant, her saviour. Some types will let you hit it once or twice while others will only dangle the pussy right in your face like a carrot on a stick. Either way you'll have to endure night after night of Memorex horror stories (is it real or is it fake?) where she fell in love with Mr. Right only he turned out to be unemployed, abusive, maladjusted, and co-dependent.

If you don't want to buy the melodrama she's trying to shovel down your throat she labels you and places you amongst the walking dead - the conflicted, deranged men she attracted into her life. Never once being accountable for her actions she is simply the perpetual, innocent, happless victim - the damsel in distress. She never understands the pattern of crazed men she keeps attracting into her life despite the thousands of other decent, eligible individuals out there. She only understands: "I can't help who I fall in love with."

Always be weary of women that have selective bodily functions (i.e. selective hearing, selective memory, selective reasoning, etc.). They only hear what they want to hear. They only see what they want to see, and they always see themselves as innocent while all men must be eternally prosecuted to the fullest extent of the sisterhood law.
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
Has there been times in your dating lives when you were fed up to the point, and just said "Fuck it" whats the use?

All the issues we got going on these days, is it even possible to have a healthy relationship?

Should we just get in where we fit in?

I say all this because seems like dating gets more and more like a job everyday. You meet someone you think is cool, you go out have converse , you find out you have disagreements, and since each of you are set in your own ways and your own beiefs no one budges and quit before you get started.Seems like people think they will find this perfect mate that will just fall in place and everything will work smoothly. Are we all living in Wonder Wonder land??



I suppose it depends upon what you're looking for...

If your goals are shallow you'll probably have an easier time finding a mate.... especially if your focus is sex.... if it is not and you are looking for a wife, I assume more standards will go along with your mating choice....

most things that are worthy do not come so easily... they are quality because they stand out from shallower pursuits....

Dating is an arena that is not specifically geared towards marriage.... so you may luck up and find someone special... or you may not.... its inherent in the system.... the more you lower your expectations the more likely you are to find someone....


Some people like this... if you are not one of them I can understand your frustration...


Some communities set up rites of passage and courtship procedures to facilitate unnaturally what our societies used to do naturally... now we just hook up with and try to feel out strangers as potential mates...

If you don't have a community that shares your values, beliefs and tolerances.... then you are relegated to picking and choosing from among a sea of people... individualism has its drawbacks..


good luck...
Re: "Do you ever feel like saying "Fuck It" to dating?"
___

Believe me, I've said that and a whole host of other phrases not found in the bible. So a couple of years ago I stopped dating altogether, settling instead for two consecutive, long-term "friends with benefits" (FWB) arrangements. It wasn't until recently that I decided to redefine/reset the latest such relationship to its original platonic state (to the quiet dismay of said "friend"). I'll admit, it hasn't been easy -- the most recent "friend" is a wonderful guy and (it must be said), he's HOTTER THAN THE HINGES OF HELL... but a true, committed "relationship" is never to be. We both know this so I've ended it. I've just gotten to the point where I find those types of "relationships" tremendously dissatisfying -- I can't help but to compare their relative emptiness to what I want and truly believe I deserve. As much as I wanted to be casual and pretend that everything was easy, breezy, beautiful -- I had to be honest with myself: I miss having a boyfriend and I miss BEING a girlfriend. The FWB scenario (while convenient) kept me from actively pursuing or even being open to a true romantic relationship so I had to ask myself how "beneficial" it really was in the cold light of day.

So as much as dating frustrates me, I realize it has to be done. I've decided to perservere and to make do, like the Donner party. (kidding, the outlook isn't quite so bleak....yet).
First, you have to know what you want. A FWB, a SO, or someone to kick it with.

The second thing you need to do is cut the BS out. If you know what you want, seek that out, and you'll get it. Trust me, it's that simple, people just aren't that real with themselves, so they attract people that aren't real with them

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