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From what I have noticed in the workforce...and in other parts of life, women seem to dislike other women. Do you believe this to be true? I have had female co-workers tell me that they enjoy working with men better than women. Is this due to some sort of jealousy? Is it competition? If it is true, have you experienced hate from other women?
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quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
From what I have noticed in the workforce...and in other parts of life, women seem to dislike other women. Do you believe this to be true? I have had female co-workers tell me that they enjoy working with men better than women. Is this due to some sort of jealousy? Is it competition? If it is true, have you experienced hate from other women?



I will always watch out for my girls. Black girls. But in truth, most of them are two-faced. I have met women who I knew were behind my back gossiping about me.

But they said, "Go to lunch with us."

Or, "We're going to see a movie. Why don't you come along?"

And every instinct of mine tells me she's behind my back talking about me.

And a lot of women are jealous of me. I'm embarrassed to say this, but my hair is straight. My skin is the color of a Nilla wafer and some women would pay big bucks for my gorgeous face. But sadly, I've met women, black and white who gave me attitude because of how great looking I am.

But women are marvelous. Doing a crisis, they're there. They have your back.

This afternoon, this lady confided some issues she's dealing with to a girlfriend of mine. And my girlfriend phoned me and gave me the tidbits. I wouldn't tell her shit. But I still love her.
I think most woman are ruled by emotions and jeolousy is probably the main reason woman don't always get along with each other.

This is off topic, but Taffy, I think that you are color struck. You always mention your straight hair and your nilla wafer colored skin and how jeolous women are of you. These things do not make you beautiful. If alot of people act cold towards you it may not be because you're all that, but because you think that your nilla skin makes you better than them.
I don't hate anyone. It is a waste of energy that destroys the person doing the hating and has no effect at all on the hated one.

I have noticed in the workplace that female supervisors can be more difficult than male ones, however women have to work much harder to achieve their career goals and have so much more to prove than their male counterparts. It is difficult at best for some of us to ever feel comfortable in our roles. Middle management is the worst - you can't hang out with the ones you supervise and the ones on your level are all attempting to continue the career climb and will stab you in the back in a New York minute. That is not gender specific, however, but it seems that far too often successful, career-oriented women are perceived as "bitches" while men do not have to wear that undeserved title.

Socially, many women have trust issues with one another as many have been the victim of watching their men attempt to sleep with their friends or suffer other types of emotional neglect at the hands of the ones they love. Consequently, many women play their cards very close to their vests as a defense tactic, and it is extremely uncomfortable.

Overall, I don't think that women hate women, I think that the world in which we live makes it more difficult for females to trust and interact openly and honestly with one another. I know for a fact, however, that if I needed someone to have my back, my female friends would be the first ones on my list. Once women become true friends, there is a fierce loyalty there.
If there is a lack of resources doesn't that mean people will tend to be more competitive for them?

So as pointed out, women have to work harder and compete more with men AND with other women, for the highly coveted high paying jobs. On top of that, the notion that good prospects for a spouse are scarce also causes competitiveness. Add to THAT the biological clock factor.

So it may be more competitiveness then dislike.
quote:
Originally posted by blackbutterfly:
I think most woman are ruled by emotions and jeolousy is probably the main reason woman don't always get along with each other.

This is off topic, but Taffy, I think that you are color struck. You always mention your straight hair and your nilla wafer colored skin and how jeolous women are of you. These things do not make you beautiful. If alot of people act cold towards you it may not be because you're all that, but because you think that your nilla skin makes you better than them.


Now, now, I can assure you that I am not color struck. When I write, I try to create a visual. And for the record, there are plenty of dark-hued beauties. Beverly Johnson springs to mind.

Of course, not every woman is jealous of me. But I've met women who were nasty to me, giving me dirty looks and I hadn't done anything to engender their reaction. She was just jealous.
On a purely platonic basis, do you enjoy working with and hanging out with men more than women?

When I was younger, I worked at a mail order pharmacy in the data entry department. Our department had about 55 women and about four men. I could not believe my eyes as every single day I would see women talk with each other acting like they were best friends, then later on during the day whisper obscenities under their breaths about the other woman. I thought..ok it's just an individual situation but then it became more prevalent as I became more aware. I'm just glad I'm not a woman working with a group of women.
This is a good topic, but I donot think women hate other women, unless they know them, but a little jealousy may be the reason. Alot of the women at my job have told me I have a beautiful singing voice, and I noticed that some of the rest of the women stopped talking to me, and when I asked someone the reason why,this person had the nerve to say because they think I AM ALL THAT. So make stuff happen in these days that it is pathetic, and I didn't ask for the compliment, I was just singing while I was working. I think most women are sensitive about alot of things, and eventually it turns to jealousy, not hate, but then if it lingers on it may turn to HATE. I don't hate anyone. I try to love everybody, and do what I can for people.
quote:
Originally posted by donna529:
This is a good topic, but I donot think women hate other women, unless they know them


I've found that not to be the case. I've had women (total strangers) look at me as if they despised me. I've entered a new job and had women refuse to speak to me from day one.

Women are very petty, envious, and full of jealousy. You can make a lifelong enemy by simply looking better in a better outfit and catching the eye of some guy wanted by another woman. He's looking at you; you're not looking at him = you're to be hated. I attribute a lot of this behavior to low self-esteem and unbridled gossip. Women will hate you by proxy- their friend hates you, ergo, you're The Hated One. Or there's some rumor about you being passed around to engender hate, gleefully encompassed by the gossiping women who enjoy hating other women just for the sport of it (especially if she's younger, prettier, single, etc).

I'm not sure if hate is the appropriate term, but it's close enough.
I dont dislike all women, I just dislike the rude and nasty ones w/ bad attitudes. I work in the cosmetics section so of course I am working w/ two different women (who happen to be friendly). Another girl who worked in the front of the store was the one I clicked w/ automatically -- from the first day I even worked there. She was very open & friendly towards me...We were into the same things & I was sad when I found out she quit.

A few other girls who work @ different sections of the store are just NASTY, LAZY and have bad attitudes so of course -- I try and keep my distance.

Some of the men are equally the same o I dont just think it's a women thing..it really depends on the person & their personality.

I dont really care who I work with, just as long as the person has a nice attitude (or atleast puts on a front), ready to work hard and able to help get the job done Smile

But I guess in different suitations, some women wanna look better than others (especially when a higher boss/manager is around) so they get do get comptetive. Male co workers have done this to me while the bosses came to visit...so once again, I dont think its only a women thing lol.
quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
If there is a lack of resources doesn't that mean people will tend to be more competitive for them?

So as pointed out, women have to work harder and compete more with men AND with other women, for the highly coveted high paying jobs. On top of that, the notion that good prospects for a spouse are scarce also causes competitiveness. Add to THAT the biological clock factor.

So it may be more competitiveness then dislike.




I agree with your post....

A lack of resources, and society, has 'pitted' women against each other...

So when women attack me or others for no reason........i understand that it has nothing to do with my looks, how smart i am, or what i wear. I know it has to do with women competing for what little resources that are available to us.
I think it depends on the workplace.

At my last job I had definitely different problems with the sexes, but didn't end up hating either.

Laziness and overzealousness was found in both groups, but the way they acted out were different.

Lazy women would say help me do this and help me do that while the lazy men would just not do the work.

Over competitive stepped up their game while over competitive women tried to sabotage other competent women. Often trying to get other women to bash their adversary.

I can't remember those aggro women trying to mess up men, though.

One problem that I rarely noticed in the men but saw quite commonly in the women was a fight for authority. Female newbies would often mistaken some women as their supervisors because those women would boss and threaten them. Again, I don't remember them doing this to men.

I think women were more likely to have the attitude that if we are co-workers, we must get along. Whether we like it or not, lol.

That caused some issues. Not only because of different personalities.

For example, if you punched in without smiling, you weren't holding up to your end of the friendship illusion and were deemed mean. Because you were "mean," she has to be mean back. Waiting around for you to say sorry.

That sort of thing.

Most guys didn't force niceness on others. They might poke at you for not sitting next to them at in the breakroom, but they didn't seem to take at as a slight, either.

And if they wanted your company, it was because of some actual rapport with you. Not because you just happen to work in the same area.

Anyhoo, you didn't have to suffer through a shift of quiet retaliation.

If anything, they might ask what someone else did to you before assuming it must have had to do with them. It can't be anything personal.

There was a bonus to women internalizing issues, however.

If you got on a lazy man for not doing his share of the work, it was likely that he wouldn't see the problem as having to do with him.

Iono, perhaps he thought all the women were pms-ing But the reason you're snarling had nothing to do with him.

That was annoying.

I say women because men didn't seem to point out faults unless in jest. I wonder if there would have been any internalization if it were men who had taken each other to task

Because women were more likely to try to form personal relationships, I found them to be a lot more fun and helpful as you stepped through the door.

Guys seemed to get so gregarious only after they learned your name.

Unable to fake smiles and unwilling to play who has the biggest clit contests, I without a doubt made less enemies among the men.

We didn't have that we have to be friendly attitude and that made it easier to be friendly.

I wasn't the only women who had that attitude, so I did have many female acquaintances, but some women took my lack of curtesies as hating. Nonetheless, I tended to like working with those who got on my nerves better than working with some of the men I was chummy with.

The agro got the work done. If they were slacking, they would step up to the plate once you pointed it out.

They'd try to stab you in the back for making them lose face, but they'd rub your sore spot better for the sake of friendliness. Wink
Takes a lot to bring someone to the point of hate.... I don't think women, in general, hate other women... but there are moments of frustration or displeasure...

women are not monolithic in the reasons for their displeasure of one another...

though there are frequent reasons that pop up...

there are not a prolific number of Black Men that most Black women would consider worthy of settling down with..

the few good ones... are the ones that some desperate women will fight over, unfortunately ...

or not fight over, sometimes a woman can think she's at war with another... but will be in a fight with herself and not know it...

some women believe they have what they clearly do not....

yet, other women fight over status... and positions of power... and again, women can dislike other women that they feel threaten their position.... but in truth, the threat is in their own mind....

But as it relates to men, I was saying this with some sisters in the chat room....

EVERY WOMAN is beautiful....

EVERY WOMAN has unique gifts and talents that stimulate the hearts and minds of men or a man...


we were created as women to be desired by men.... we have to accept ourselves and accept our uniqueness.... tap into those attributes that make us stand out....

EVERY WOMAN has it..... but every attribute will not affect every man..... and this is where our frustration with each other is misplaced....

Each moment allows a specific quality about another woman to shine.... in that moment instead of us thinking that woman is out to steal our opportunities... we should close ranks.... and celebrate her gift... and nurse off of it... adapt it if is pleasing, appreciate its place with someone else if it is not... we should not despise it....

but, yes some women deliberately try to alienate themselves from the sisterhood, by attempting "man collecting".... or "status stealing" (because of insecurity).....

or just plain (and I find this happens a lot with YOUNG women) don't know how to exert or utilize her "power"... she needs guidance, not a beat down! lol...


I'll end this here...

Peace,
Virtue
My best friends are women. I work with both genders. I think it is a myth that women cannot work together cooperatively. People have issues and those issues express themselves at work and in thier social lives. Women and men can both be petty. Women are more verbal, thus we may hear what they say aloud more often. Women are passive agressive and tend to be more manipulative but you play with the tools that you are given. Men punch each other out, women argue verbally about the small things. It is all the same from my point of view.
quote:
Originally posted by isistah:
Women will hate you by proxy- their friend hates you, ergo, you're The Hated One.


ROFL. That's true.

This is one thing I have yet to witness a guy do. Iono how common it is among women, either, quite frankly, but I've experienced it a handful of times.

A woman gets into a quarrel with another person and tells you all about it, then ends by saying something like but it's between us, and you don't have to change how you act towards the person.

As if you're expected to hold a grudge too if she hadn't absolved you or whatever.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
From what I have noticed in the workforce...and in other parts of life, women seem to dislike other women. Do you believe this to be true? I have had female co-workers tell me that they enjoy working with men better than women. Is this due to some sort of jealousy? Is it competition? If it is true, have you experienced hate from other women?


Some women hate other women, not all women are this petty.
let's see

women are not killing each other in arguments over sneakers...

women are not shooting other women in gang initiations..

women are not killing other women because "she slept with my man"

women are not single handedly escalating the homicide rates of major cities.

women are not dealing dope in the community, en masse


Do men hate other men? apparently so
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
I don't hate anyone. It is a waste of energy that destroys the person doing the hating and has no effect at all on the hated one.

I have noticed in the workplace that female supervisors can be more difficult than male ones, however women have to work much harder to achieve their career goals and have so much more to prove than their male counterparts. It is difficult at best for some of us to ever feel comfortable in our roles. Middle management is the worst - you can't hang out with the ones you supervise and the ones on your level are all attempting to continue the career climb and will stab you in the back in a New York minute. That is not gender specific, however, but it seems that far too often successful, career-oriented women are perceived as "bitches" while men do not have to wear that undeserved title.

Socially, many women have trust issues with one another as many have been the victim of watching their men attempt to sleep with their friends or suffer other types of emotional neglect at the hands of the ones they love. Consequently, many women play their cards very close to their vests as a defense tactic, and it is extremely uncomfortable.

Overall, I don't think that women hate women, I think that the world in which we live makes it more difficult for females to trust and interact openly and honestly with one another. I know for a fact, however, that if I needed someone to have my back, my female friends would be the first ones on my list. Once women become true friends, there is a fierce loyalty there.


yeah

In addition, some women may feel the need to compete with other women to get false attention....but if we look at it from hindsight, it stems from "needing" to feel loved-which is a "human need." Traditionally we as women have always had to fight/struggle for what is fair and sometimes we get caught up in what we think defines us. Some of us at an early age are taught not to be trusting to other women, to be envious, to be better, to dislike one another.....this is a set up. But many times it depends on our level of maturity cuz it's real "hard" to hate other women when you have growing daughters looking at your behavior.

However, it is soooo hard seeing young girls who wear a lot of make up, short dresses, high heel shoes following what mass media says is "beautiful." It becomes an unwarranted competition at this tender age. Who is prettier? Who is sexier. Ridiculous comparisons. However many women find themselves seeking the attention from men who will most times give them a warped sense of acceptance and this desperation for acceptance in seen in rap videos, gentlemen's club and "coochie" behavior.

fro

That's why sistahood is sooo important. Cuz sistahood is a powerful thing-it has won freedom for our people, its given us our civil rights and continues to be the beacon of hope for the world. I think the set up is keeping us from knowing our true power at an early age making it easy for others to take advantage of our vulnerablility and innocence. Most cultures do this to their women....you see it in Asia, Africa, The Middle East, parts of Europe...cuz if we, women, ever had the opportunity to maintain our spiritual connection with each other all over the world without male interruption or without male intrepretation of our "worth," may be "war" would be a thing of the past. To control women is to control the world....and to say women hate women....is to keep the gap in our power. I'm not saying women don't hate on each other...I'm saying it's a set up! fro

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