Dilemma ..what to do??

RR, how did moms react to other females that you have "brought home?"

Moms might be indifferent because she doesn't believe that you are serious about this lady. So she doesn't want to emotionally invest in your latest fancy.

Then again, some moms have beef with any of her baby's ladys.

Time and contact will tell; but I would suggest not trying to force things, though.

thanks for the reply.

I got alil more information from my mom this weekend. She said that she didn't mean to make that impression on my new lady and she was sorry about making her feel unwelcome. I think it was just a 'hard check' to let her [my girlfriend] know that she was still a big part of any family she would join. My uncle says that 'two queens can not be in the same castle', I guess he is right. If this thing lasts between my lady and I, hope things get better. I won't force the issue, cuz if momma ain't happy, aint nobody happy

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LOL, RR.

I hear ya about the two queens thing. Once a buddy of mine had been laid off and was evicted from his apartment. He found another job, but wouldn't get paid for about 3 weeks. He went to his father and asked if he and his wife could move in for about 6 weeks so he could stack some money and find another place.

His father told him, "Son, I'll put you up in a hotel, I'll pay the deposit and rent at your new place, but as much as I love you, y'all can't move in here." The father went on to say, "Nature had it right and I'm not going to fight nature. There can only be one queen in a hive, and your mother is the queen of this hive."

LOL @ the 2 queens in a hive theory. I never thought about it that way.

I will share this insight...

My 25 year old nephew recently got married. I initially liked his sweetie pie. she was young, cute, had a full time job, soft spoken, etc. But then I observed her turning her nose up at certain things, talking about quitting work, yet talking about new cars and clothing and hairdo's and manicures. So i began to view her as out to "trap" my nephew, who is tall goodlooking educated, polite, and working. It irritated me to no end to hear he was paying car notes, buying clothing, and avoiding certain family issues b/c of her. Why couldn't he see thru her? However, he is head over heels in love and although I have basically raised this boy...I have to let go and trust his judgement and trust that love will prevail... I even smiled at her at a family function...

maybe moms just have a hard time letting go and trusting someone else to "take care of my baby"?

quote:

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Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
ok bruhs, need some advice. I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. Yeah it is that serious. Anyway, my mom seemed to have a problem with girlfriend...kinda like a clash...like a silent beef. It was just an overall bad vibe. Dad had no problem with my new lady, but mom seems to have a bad feeling or something. I asked her [mom] about it later, but she didn't say anything about it [to me], nothing good and nothing bad. How can she be indifferent?? I hope that this doesn't elevate it self later. My question is, what to do?? Have a 'second' meeting?? Ask the two of them to 'hang out' and shop or something?? what did i do to open things up?? holla!!

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My first impression was, (espeically if you are over 25, and definately if you are over 30) is that you mother knows it's time for you to settle down, but isn't very impressed with your final catch, but perhaps she (new lady) will do.

In other words she (moms) thinks you could have done better for yourself.

Now as for as that two Queens stuff is concerned, I subscribe to the principle in the following way. If one Queen is willing to set her crown down while in the castle of the other I think things could workout just fine.

Many Kings and Queens are welcome in my castle but each and every one knows that I am the Lord of the land and ruler of everything upon it. [lighting stiking and thunder clapping].


All the best with the relationship.

_____


Most Dear Negrospiritual:

I wonder, considering that you trust your nephew's judgement, and you realize one can more easily arrive at a good judgement with well reasoned arguments laid out before them, perhaps you might want to share your views with him, at least from an IMO FYI kind of way. Again, if you trust his judgement then prehaps you should trust that he will not unfairly judge your position(s).

Ehhhhhhhhh, just tell the boy she's a gold-digging tramp!!! Nah, even if she is now, doesn't mean she will always be. How does she feel about being a mother? If she can't see it, that is a real warning sign to me.

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I know "talk" is cheap. But my reaction to your description was: Control. It is a variation other the "two queens is a hive" theory. This theory is proven. I've seen it work in two mother-daughter situations. I'm sure the mother-son version can be just as energized.

I think that you, being the man in this situation, are faced with a decision you have to make to establish yourself in both the future relationshio with your mother regarding your wife, AND the future relationship with your wife regarding your mother.

I think you should think for the future relationship with your wife. It is she who will be the mother of your children.

Goodluck. We all need that.

PEACE

Jim Chester

You are who you say you are. Your children are who you say you are.