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I used to be baffled myself when I thought of this issue, but I soon realized I was giving black women far, far too much credit. Instead of listening to their opinions and whatnot (which is pointless as the majority of our women have only their dysfunctional friends to compare notes with), I pay attention to their actions.

If I meet a somewhat successful sista and see that she's dating a man who in no way shares her outlook on life and/or is doing nothing to add to the relationship outside of digging out her backside, I run...I run my a## off because that is a woman suffering from low expectations and high drama. She wants what she can never have in her life...and that is a man. Most of these women have been looking for what left them and their mothers long ago, an irresponsible man with a big appetite for sex...period. And this is ALL they know because this is all they've seen. These women will NEVER commit to a man that can offer them all the things in life they say they can't live without...because if they did, who would listen to their complaints about the perfect life?

A woman's insecurities are there to make sure she is never happy...period. Black women act like they don't deserve to be happy and with the idiotic decisions they continue to make in their personal relationships, it's a guarantee that most will never reach the state of 'happiness' they holler and scream about.

It's hard to find a black woman who thinks for herself as opposed to a mouthpiece for all unhappy black women. Black women, by their statements, seem to live life through their dysfunctional friends while passing the responsibility of their horrible decisionmaking onto whomever is around at the time. I do believe most black women are intimidated by a professional brother because they themselves are suffering from low self-image and esteem and cannot imagine life without the drama that those conditions breed.
thank god i no longer have to date in a climate like this.

sometimes i get really caught up in a thread like this. the men pointing fingers at the women, the women pointing back at the men. as long as rowe is representing though, i know that for the most part, my point of view is being shared. all that aside, today i feel differently.


i actually feel sad because we so often have this discussion with each other. the men stating what they think is wrong with women, and the women saying what they think is wrong with the men. there's so much anger and hostility in our community towards each other. no wonder our community is in such trouble. the important thing from what i've read here, is that for the most part, everyone is complaining because of a general lack of ability to connect with the opposite gender. at least that's positive. at least we still give a damn about the opposite gender of the same race. that means at least we long to connect with each other, even if we are not always successful. that's a start.
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ripshyt: It's hard to find a black woman who thinks for herself as opposed to a mouthpiece for all unhappy black women.

I see quite a few different viewpoints around AA dance

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little minx: i actually feel sad because we so often have this discussion with each other. the men stating what they think is wrong with women, and the women saying what they think is wrong with the men. there's so much anger and hostility in our community towards each other. no wonder our community is in such trouble.

There's an old saying. 'If you can name it, then you can fix it.' hug


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little minx: ...the important thing from what i've read here, is that for the most part, everyone is complaining because of a general lack of ability to connect with the opposite gender. at least that's positive. at least we still give a damn about the opposite gender of the same race. that means at least we long to connect with each other, even if we are not always successful. that's a start.

I agree. Smile
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little minx: ...the important thing from what i've read here, is that for the most part, everyone is complaining because of a general lack of ability to connect with the opposite gender. at least that's positive. at least we still give a damn about the opposite gender of the same race. that means at least we long to connect with each other, even if we are not always successful. that's a start.



I agree with this. If I didn't care, I wouldn't complain... Smile
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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
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little minx: ...the important thing from what i've read here, is that for the most part, everyone is complaining because of a general lack of ability to connect with the opposite gender. at least that's positive. at least we still give a damn about the opposite gender of the same race. that means at least we long to connect with each other, even if we are not always successful. that's a start.



I agree with this. If I didn't care, I wouldn't complain... Smile
yeah
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Originally posted by Huey:
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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
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little minx: ...the important thing from what i've read here, is that for the most part, everyone is complaining because of a general lack of ability to connect with the opposite gender. at least that's positive. at least we still give a damn about the opposite gender of the same race. that means at least we long to connect with each other, even if we are not always successful. that's a start.



I agree with this. If I didn't care, I wouldn't complain... Smile
yeah


Do we EVER move past complaining? When does caring and sharing turn into positive action. If "we" as a collective people have been having this discussion then at some point on boths sides should come do some consesus, or agree to dissagree.

I think speaking in absolutes on both sides is a big no, no. Even with statistics and research anyone who has taken a reasearch class knows research can be tainted depending how you report it, and test for certain answers. That being said please know that there are ALL KINDS of Black women. If you come across a sista who isn't into you don't despair. Let her make that choice and you just move on.

I had issues like this about black men not being interested in a full figured woman like myself. I did not make the sweeping general statement that this is the "new trend", and ask why Black men are like this. I knew better...there had to be somebody for me.

I am educated, work in a professional setting, and only see one other Black man in my work environment that is on my professional level, and he is married. The other Black men work in maintenance and security. And yes some of them are attracted to me, and I am open to even dating one of them. When I meet a man if he is not intelligent (not meaning college grad) we can not have a realtionship, period. He must be intelligent, I prefer a man who is well rounded, well read, well traveled, strong and secure in himself and his community, one who is stable financially, down to earth and very humble. God-loving, articulate, understanding, a good communicator, and affectionate. Is this unrealistic? NO! I am open to someone working towards acheiving these things for themselves, but am not open to being with someone who does not wish to possess these qualities.

Have I come across this man? Yes... Was he interested in me? No... It wasn't until I moved South that I even started dating again. And my prospects are better, so far I've dated one college graduate, and am getting to know others. So we do exist...but are "we" what YOU are REALLY looking for? 19

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