Chris Brown is getting some support as he tries to move beyond his domestic violence ordeal with Rihanna.

The National Coalition for Men (NCFM) has released a statement challenging Rihanna to take ownership of her part in the domestic ordeal and discuss her violence toward the 'Take You Down' crooner.

In a press release, the NCFM wrote: "According to court records and other sources, Rihanna struck Brown in the face 'numerous times' before Brown assaulted her. NCFM purports although that would not justify his more severe assault, her violence should not be ignored, and if she does not 'woman up' to it then her message will be the usual one-sided double standards that leave female perpetration covered up."

It continued: "The saying 'There is no excuse for domestic violence' applies to both sexes. Female violence in relationships is not rare but is often hypocritically deemed acceptable or humorous, such as in the film 'Sideways.' It is part of the cycle of domestic violence, which cannot be stopped without addressing the problem honestly.

Children are damaged just by witnessing domestic violence, regardless of its severity. A 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and as controlling as men in relationships worldwide.

NCFM also cites several other studies on domestic violence in its release.

"A major study funded by the Centers for Disease Control found one-fourth of heterosexual relationships had violence, and half (49.7 percent) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70 percent of the cases."

The same study also found "while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with reciprocal violence, it was the men who were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time)."

More than 200 studies now confirm that data. "Women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners," reports California State University professor Martin Fiebert in his online bibliography.

"This data is more reliable than criminal justice data because men are less likely to report the violence or to respond positively to crime surveys because society still does not consider female violence as much of a crime."

The NCFM statement was released just as Rihanna began receiving national press for her interview with Diane Sawyer for ABC's '20/20.'

NCFM believes that if Rihanna isn't going to fess up to her own violent ways, she's doing a greater disservice to the cause in general.

"If Rihanna sincerely wants to raise awareness about domestic violence, NCFM calls on her to be forthcoming about her own violence and to address the problem honestly," the statement concluded.

http://www.bvbuzz.com/2009/11/...men-against-rihanna/
Original Post
I love how people with this mindset like to claim there's some "coverup" or conspiracy to make it seem like women don't commit violence. WTH? Like it's part of a plot by the Illuminati, who are using the portrait of the battered woman to advance their agenda for world domination. td6
appl thanks yeah thanks tfro

It's like they took the words right out of my brain! Eek

I don't understand why some people don't believe that there should be two (2) equal and consistent conversations about domestic violence in our community! 19

A conversation about the horrors of what Chris did to Rihanna cannnot be diminished in ANY WAY by an equally relevant conversation about what Rihanna did to Chris.

Not talking about it - and therefore acting like it didn't happen - means you only fix HALF of the problem of couples (and especially our young people) wrongfully putting their hands on one another! nono

Rihanna (and everybody else) needs to address what SHE did in the exact same way that she (and everybody else) has so freely and repeatedly chosen to OPENLY discuss Chris Brown's actions.

This 'one-way street' is simply a dead end, otherwise. td6
fro I know a lot of violent WOMEN....which I call female bullies....it's pitiful....but! I think this men's group speaking out is a bit much....cuz it takes two. So it should be a mutual set of resolve for both parties...cuz they BOTH have been shitty examples to young people in terms of how to handle disputes/misunderstandings. Having said that, when a situation escalates to point where one or both parties start swinging....that when the "party" is OVER. However, we live in a violent country...where violence have become a form of entertainment. This country was taken from Native Indians as a result of violence. So it hard to begin shifting the blame when this is the environment each of them derive from. Rihanna herself admitting she's witnessed her father beating her mother and mother taking it....and Chris admitting seeing his mother being abused. So. Folks don't believe that children learn how to behave from adults...they learn problem solving skills from the parents and the people in their community....so why is anyone surprised? Gangs killin' each other. Students killin each other. Violence on t.v./movies/music. Where in the fock is the "love?" That form of affection has become a fighting word. Love. Who would have thought? The thing is when you know better....you do better....but! I think when folks are violent bullies...they are not only COWARDS...they are suffering from a social decay developed in their childhood. The stories I can tell. It is tragic cuz this sort of thing is being passed down generationally. But! I'm just sayin


BTW: I also think domestic violence is a cop out. Folks don't want to talk it out anymore... why is that? Now their children are faced with this difficulty. Just so folks know. You're not TOUGH cuz you hit. You're NOT "bad" cuz you will NOT back down. This only shows a lack of maturity. It is sooooo easy to walk away to think about it. A lot of lives could have been saved from death and jail cells if those angry folks were able to make that GROWN UP decision....first. Being sorry or remorseful...is. tooooooo late and CANNOT undo the damage or....bring back the dead.
fro
I hear you, Ms. Koco. And you're right ... it does take two. Which means, that there's two sides to each story. But, I think to the men's group's POV, only one story ever gets told.

The fact that Rihanna ... more than once .. more than twice, so repeatedly slapped her boyfriend in the face is very telling. And it's been documented in police records and court files and 'by other sources' that it is true/real that she did it.

And she was WRONG for doing it! Slapping somebody across the face is the WRONG thing to do .. regardless of WHO does it to whom! And I think we can all agree about that! Smile

Now ... let's flip the script just a bit. And let's say ... Rihanna chose to slap another female ... let's say Beyonce .. across the face in the same way that she did her man. And let's say Beyonce hauled off and beat the livin' crap out of Rihanna for it! Eek I think there'd be no problem talking about how outrageous and out of control she was ... how wrong it was for her to slap Bey Bey, and about who she might think she is for thinking she could just slap another person in the face, just because she was angry with them and/or things weren't going her way! And most importantly ... I think most people would believe that she got what she deserved - if she hadn't of hit first, she wouldn't have gotten hit back!!

But she can hit her (ex-)boyfriend with no explanations, no apologies, and no accusations or questions asked! Not a word is said about it ... as if its OK/not a problem that she's going around smacking anybody in the face! Let alone, the man she says she loves. Roll Eyes

All I'm sayin' is ... if we're gonna tell the story .. let's tell the WHOLE story! Both of the TWO sides of it! EVERYBODY'S cards on the table! Let's talk about the ENTIRE situation ... not just the part that is most comfortable! We need to fix the whole problem of violence in our relationships ... so that everyone who suffers from it can heal ... in the proper way.
Again, maybe I could be wrong on this, however I think they are arguing for a 'mutual combat' perspective saying that she slapped him and that this wasn't the first time. Also that charges should've been brought up on both of them and not just Chris, if it was proven that Rihanna was also physically assaulting him.
HOWEVER, neither one of them should've been putting their hands on each other like that, period. Consequently, they now have this mess.
From that perspective I can understand why a statement was put out by this group in support of Chris Brown.
This article is nothing more than an invitation to have yet another debate about whether or not women provoke men to violence. And to entertain the point of this article, let's just pretend that Rhianna did slap Chris and admitted to it. Would that even be comparable to the animalistic acts Brown committed on that night? It was reported that Brown bit her. What is that?? This young man went bizerk. And there is no justification for the extent of what happened to this woman. Regardless of what might have started arguments between the couple, Rhianna, who was clearly the victim in this ordeal, did not deserve to be brutally treated.

To anyone with common sense, it is obvious that much more than a slap took Brown to this level of extreme violence, and it is not just something that occured on that night. What I gathered from Rhianna's interview with Sawyer is that Brown got busted after Rhianna saw the text message from the other woman on his phone. I'm assuming that Rhianna must have suspected that Brown had been cheating on her with this woman, and Rhianna finally had the text message to confirm her suspicions. In the interview with Sawyer, Rhianna even admitted to not dropping the conversation about the text message that she discovered, which according to her, escalated to a physical altercation.

In a nutshell: Brown was finally caught cheating. And instead of fessing up, he violently reacted to Rhianna for not dropping the conversation about it.

Violence of any kind and perpetrated by anyone is unacceptable. But in those cases where men are in fact behaving violently beyond control, we need to hold them accountable for their reactions instead of immediately looking for evidence that might indicate the victim of the act deserved it. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for Brown's behavior that evening.
quote:
Originally posted by Yemaya:
I don't like to say this too, women can be physically violent. Although I have never hit a male since I was in Jr. High... lol I have had times where I just wanted to knock the crap out of some guys and some women too as a matter of fact! lol


Sister Yemaya, you're being humorous, but you raise an important point. Just like men, women too can become angry in relationships. However, the obvious difference between women and men is that men are at a physical advantage. Therefore, in order to get their message across, all women have really is communication. And problems occur when some men know that they have a physical advantage and they misuse their advantage to do innocent people harm or they sometimes OVERREACT to situations with violence, especially those men who have been exposed to nothing but poor socialization, miseducation, and consistent violent reactions to disagreements. This is why character education is so important and why it is important for parents or other caring adults in the community to equip young people with conflict resolution and higher-level communication skills.

We must teach boys in particular that reacting (and even overreacting) in violence in order to express a misconception of masculinity is unacceptable. Contrary to what our male children see in action films, starring America's most famous actors, it is NOT manly or sexy to commit acts of violence. Parents must make it clear to every youth member in their family that a lot of what goes in Hollywood movies is not acceptable in the real world. This is what the parents of ALL children must emphasize to children.
Originally posted by Ebonyrose"
quote:
Post

I hear you, Ms. Koco. And you're right ... it does take two. Which means, that there's two sides to each story. But, I think to the men's group's POV, only one story ever gets told.


fro You're absolutely RIGHT! Sista ER.

quote:
The fact that Rihanna ... more than once .. more than twice, so repeatedly slapped her boyfriend in the face is very telling. And it's been documented in police records and court files and 'by other sources' that it is true/real that she did it.

And she was WRONG for doing it! Slapping somebody across the face is the WRONG thing to do .. regardless of WHO does it to whom! And I think we can all agree about that!


I totally agree.

quote:
Now ... let's flip the script just a bit. And let's say ... Rihanna chose to slap another female ... let's say Beyonce .. across the face in the same way that she did her man. And let's say Beyonce hauled off and beat the livin' crap out of Rihanna for it! I think there'd be no problem talking about how outrageous and out of control she was ... how wrong it was for her to slap Bey Bey, and about who she might think she is for thinking she could just slap another person in the face, just because she was angry with them and/or things weren't going her way! And most importantly ... I think most people would believe that she got what she deserved - if she hadn't of hit first, she wouldn't have gotten hit back!!


I agree again. Which reminds me of that stut with the reverend and his wife.


quote:

But she can hit her (ex-)boyfriend with no explanations, no apologies, and no accusations or questions asked! Not a word is said about it ... as if its OK/not a problem that she's going around smacking anybody in the face! Let alone, the man she says she loves.

All I'm sayin' is ... if we're gonna tell the story .. let's tell the WHOLE story! Both of the TWO sides of it! EVERYBODY'S cards on the table! Let's talk about the ENTIRE situation ... not just the part that is most comfortable! We need to fix the whole problem of violence in our relationships . so that everyone who suffers from it can heal ... in the proper way.


Again....I witcha. As I said earlier....I know a lot of VIOLENT women. And understand there are ALWAYS two sides of a pancake....but! I think this sort of control behavior starts in the home. Both parties witnessed their parents get a beatdown...that does sumthin to a kid. Our community need behavioral tools and social skills to undo this traditional and ongoing form of self-abuse. Otherwise....the cycle and pattern of violence with continue.

fro
I wondered what would've happened if Chris Brown didn't hit Rihanna back. What if Chris Brown kept on driving while Rihanna was hitting him. And one of her licks made Chris Brown swerve and hit a school bus full of kids, and killing them? Both of them would've been going to jail for vehicular homicide. Or maybe if Chris were a smarter guy, he should've stopped at the police station and got a cop to take Rihanna out of his car for hitting him (assault) and being a risk on the road. Then Chris would be releasing his new album and Rihanna would be the one behind bars.
off

Now that I got that out of the way, I have to get this off my chest. My sister told me yesterday that her youngest son, my 6-year-old nephew, was jumped on by a group of bullies. Half of them were girls. When I heard that I had a freaking flashback of when I was school.

Like my nephew, I was the shortest one in my class, so hearing the news of my nephew going through the same ol' ish I went through, it ticked me off. Mad

Now what I'm going to say will tick off some people, but it has to be said...if you're a bully, who also happens to be female, you deserve to get knocked on your ass just like any other (male) bully, period.

Female bullies, imo, are worse than some male bullies. They're like the Al-Qaida of the playground...They beat up kids for their lunch money, and if you happen to defend yourself, PLEASE don't be male, because they'll start crying to the principal, like they're going to the U.N. for sanctions:

"You're not supposed to hit a female."

"Heifer, you're not supposed to beat up kids for their lunch money. Better ask your parents for a raise in your allowance, or get a paper route!"

I remember the one time I actually won a fight from a female bully. She had me in a bear hug, and she was bigger than me. They say a male can't hit a female, but I wasn't gonna let her snap my spine in half. Long story short, I vanquished her. Thank God the teachers and the principal didn't say anything about head-butts. If that makes me a cad, in the eyes of some folk, for using self-defense on somebody bigger than me, than so be it. I'd rather be a low-down cad with two good legs, than a whipped, paraplegic gentleman ANY day.

I'm sorry, but female bullies are not allowed to use the damsel in distress card (or at least they shouldn't be), especially if they have giving distress to other students. Violent methods lead to a violent end. Sooner or later, all bullies, male and female alike, will mess with the wrong person and wind up with a 12-D Enema (i.e. "a foot in the ass")...and your gender will not exempt you from getting an ass-whipping.

That's how I feel. And my sister, bro-in-law and myself aren't gonna have it. We've already told my nephew to not be ashamed for using self-defense. He has our permission to give all those bullies... the 12-D Enema!
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
I wondered what would've happened if Chris Brown didn't hit Rihanna back. What if Chris Brown kept on driving while Rihanna was hitting him. And one of her licks made Chris Brown swerve and hit a school bus full of kids, and killing them? Both of them would've been going to jail for vehicular homicide. Or maybe if Chris were a smarter guy, he should've stopped at the police station and got a cop to take Rihanna out of his car for hitting him (assault) and being a risk on the road. Then Chris would be releasing his new album and Rihanna would be the one behind bars.

If she strikes you, you immediately pull over and get out of the car with your keys and your cell phone and call the authorities if she is truly out of control. Maybe I am just old fashion, but unless the woman is physically stronger than you, or has a weapon, or is trained in some form of martial arts, a man should not strike her back. This is not to condone the behavior on her part, but physical retaliation in these circumstances is a lose-lose proposition.
quote:
Originally posted by kresge:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
I wondered what would've happened if Chris Brown didn't hit Rihanna back. What if Chris Brown kept on driving while Rihanna was hitting him. And one of her licks made Chris Brown swerve and hit a school bus full of kids, and killing them? Both of them would've been going to jail for vehicular homicide. Or maybe if Chris were a smarter guy, he should've stopped at the police station and got a cop to take Rihanna out of his car for hitting him (assault) and being a risk on the road. Then Chris would be releasing his new album and Rihanna would be the one behind bars.

If she strikes you, you immediately pull over and get out of the car with your keys and your cell phone and call the authorities if she is truly out of control.


Which in retrospect, is what Chris should've done. Then he would've been the one with the interview on 20/20 last week, and she would've been doing community service for the last six months.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
I wondered what would've happened if Chris Brown didn't hit Rihanna back. What if Chris Brown kept on driving while Rihanna was hitting him. And one of her licks made Chris Brown swerve and hit a school bus full of kids, and killing them? Both of them would've been going to jail for vehicular homicide. Or maybe if Chris were a smarter guy, he should've stopped at the police station and got a cop to take Rihanna out of his car for hitting him (assault) and being a risk on the road. Then Chris would be releasing his new album and Rihanna would be the one behind bars.

Well, part of those police reports indicate that there were times (on more than one occasion) when Rihanna attacked Chris and he did not hit her back!

I think everybody can agree that this should have been another one of those times! Eek But even if he had NEVER hit her back ... her putting her hands on him (as the court documents say she did that night) would still be totally unacceptable.

There seems to be a startling double standard when it comes to what domestic violence and abuse as if it's only violence and abuse when a man does it ... and it's something totally else when a female does it. I don't know what else you'd call it ... but a slap or punch in the face is a slap or punch in the face! Eek Regardless of whose face it is! Roll Eyes



quote:
off

I remember the one time I actually won a fight from a female bully. She had me in a bear hug, and she was bigger than me. They say a male can't hit a female, but I wasn't gonna let her snap my spine in half. Long story short, I vanquished her. Thank God the teachers and the principal didn't say anything about head-butts. If that makes me a cad, in the eyes of some folk, for using self-defense on somebody bigger than me, than so be it. I'd rather be a low-down cad with two good legs, than a whipped, paraplegic gentleman ANY day.

I think you did what needed to be done! tfro And that's all I have to say about that! Smile

For some reason, I was always the friend (*play daughter/sister*) of the female school bullies! Eek They always liked me and felt the need to protect me. I remember this one time this new girl to the school hit me .. and the next thing I knew I literally saw her flying across the school yard! Eek

I don't think I ever found out who did it ... 19 .. but, I do know those were some bad kids who used to terrorize other kids! I never asked them to *protect* me ... but, after hearing stories like yours, I suppose I'm glad they did!
quote:
If she strikes you, you immediately pull over and get out of the car with your keys and your cell phone and call the authorities if she is truly out of control. Maybe I am just old fashion, but unless the woman is physically stronger than you, or has a weapon, or is trained in some form of martial arts, a man should not strike her back. This is not to condone the behavior on her part, but physical retaliation in these circumstances is a lose-lose proposition.

Agreed.
I believe that self-defense is acceptable, if necessary. However, at some point, defense became offense. I'm pretty sure that somewhere before the bruises and the bite marks, Rihanna stopped doing whatever hitting she was doing. At some point, Chris let anger and revenge get the better of him, and he decided to demonstrate how much more powerful he is than her. At some point, he was in no danger of physical harm, and he actually wanted to cause her physical pain because he could. It never should have escalated to that point, especially when it's someone you claim you are so in love with. No real man in love would ever dream of causing physical, mental, or emotional harm to the object of his affection....But that's just my 2 cents. It takes 100 to make a dollar. 4
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Originally posted by Ebonyrose"
quote:


But she can hit her (ex-)boyfriend with no explanations, no apologies, and no accusations or questions asked! Not a word is said about it ... as if its OK/not a problem that she's going around smacking anybody in the face! Let alone, the man she says she loves.

All I'm sayin' is ... if we're gonna tell the story .. let's tell the WHOLE story! Both of the TWO sides of it! EVERYBODY'S cards on the table! Let's talk about the ENTIRE situation ... not just the part that is most comfortable! We need to fix the whole problem of violence in our relationships . so that everyone who suffers from it can heal ... in the proper way.


Again....I witcha. As I said earlier....I know a lot of VIOLENT women. And understand there are ALWAYS two sides of a pancake....but! I think this sort of control behavior starts in the home. Both parties witnessed their parents get a beatdown...that does sumthin to a kid. Our community need behavioral tools and social skills to undo this traditional and ongoing form of self-abuse. Otherwise....the cycle and pattern of violence with continue.

fro


You are sooooooo right on that, Ms. Koco!!

And to that very good point, this may be somewhat off but I would like to add that this type of VIOLENCE among women also carries over into child-rearing ... and the abuse and violence that is directed towards the children of women who have been raised with violence in the home!

I'm not even gonna talk about the WORST kinds of abuses - the kind that make the news! Eek But, the traditional "spankings" from back in day which was the preferred method of discipline that was used by our parents on us has now turned into slapping and hitting and punching young children on any/every part of their bodies .. including and especially in the face! Eek

Too many times I have seen in public and in private young mothers haul off and slap their child across the face! Mad A sure sign of misplaced anger by FEMALES ... which, again, is something that we as a community choose not have a conversation about!

I am not, for one minute, trying to diminish or deflect the need for there to be a discussion on our men learning to control their anger towards their women! And, in fact, we have no problem being able to have THAT conversation ALL THE TIME!

But the separate issue of the anger and violence of our WOMEN and it's affect on our community as a whole should not be a discussion that we refuse to have, either ... just because it's easier to be mad at what Chris did to Rihanna and overlook what the things she also did to him. sck
quote:
Originally posted by Quin10:
quote:
If she strikes you, you immediately pull over and get out of the car with your keys and your cell phone and call the authorities if she is truly out of control. Maybe I am just old fashion, but unless the woman is physically stronger than you, or has a weapon, or is trained in some form of martial arts, a man should not strike her back. This is not to condone the behavior on her part, but physical retaliation in these circumstances is a lose-lose proposition.

Agreed.
I believe that self-defense is acceptable, if necessary. However, at some point, defense became offense. I'm pretty sure that somewhere before the bruises and the bite marks, Rihanna stopped doing whatever hitting she was doing. At some point, Chris let anger and revenge get the better of him, and he decided to demonstrate how much more powerful he is than her. At some point, he was in no danger of physical harm, and he actually wanted to cause her physical pain because he could. It never should have escalated to that point, especially when it's someone you claim you are so in love with. No real man in love would ever dream of causing physical, mental, or emotional harm to the object of his affection....But that's just my 2 cents. It takes 100 to make a dollar. 4


And neither should a real woman fathom to do the same.
Well, yeah, it definitely goes both ways. I'm not saying she's innocent in the matter. She never should have put her hands on him. I'm just saying that he took it to another level. He got hit and she got beaten up. I'm trying not to take sides in this whole thing. I'm a fan of both, and I know that they both could have handled the situation much better than they did. I agree with the article in that it seems Rihanna is playing the total victim in this, as if she is completely innocent of any wrong doing. She is speaking out against domestic violence(right when she's about to release an album) when she is guilty of the very thing she is speaking out against. No doubt, she needs to own up to her part in the matter. The point I was trying to make earlier is that he didn't have to give her bruises and bite marks to make her calm down. Two wrongs don't make a right. Somebody has to be the adult, right? sck
quote:
Originally posted by Quin10:
Well, yeah, it definitely goes both ways. I'm not saying she's innocent in the matter. She never should have put her hands on him. I'm just saying that he took it to another level. He got hit and she got beaten up. I'm trying not to take sides in this whole thing. I'm a fan of both, and I know that they both could have handled the situation much better than they did. I agree with the article in that it seems Rihanna is playing the total victim in this, as if she is completely innocent of any wrong doing. She is speaking out against domestic violence(right when she's about to release an album) when she is guilty of the very thing she is speaking out against. No doubt, she needs to own up to her part in the matter. The point I was trying to make earlier is that he didn't have to give her bruises and bite marks to make her calm down. Two wrongs don't make a right. Somebody has to be the adult, right? sck


Correct somebody has to be the adult, but isn't Rihanna older than Chris Brown to begin with? Technically, she's the adult. She's 21, he just turned 20.
Yup, I do believe that she's a bit older, but he's an adult, too. Basically, they should both be ashamed of themselves. From the way this was handled, I would conclude that neither of them are mature enough for a serious relationship right now.

Wait...I say that as if i'm old and wise or something.lol I, myself, am only 22 years old. I guess my opinion doesn't hold much weight, but i've heard enough older, wiser people say that if you're not complete as a person and you have issues, they need to be dealt with before you start a relationship with someone else.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by Quin10:
Well, yeah, it definitely goes both ways. I'm not saying she's innocent in the matter. She never should have put her hands on him. I'm just saying that he took it to another level. He got hit and she got beaten up. I'm trying not to take sides in this whole thing. I'm a fan of both, and I know that they both could have handled the situation much better than they did. I agree with the article in that it seems Rihanna is playing the total victim in this, as if she is completely innocent of any wrong doing. She is speaking out against domestic violence(right when she's about to release an album) when she is guilty of the very thing she is speaking out against. No doubt, she needs to own up to her part in the matter. The point I was trying to make earlier is that he didn't have to give her bruises and bite marks to make her calm down. Two wrongs don't make a right. Somebody has to be the adult, right? sck


Correct somebody has to be the adult, but isn't Rihanna older than Chris Brown to begin with? Technically, she's the adult. She's 21, he just turned 20.


You both make good points! And actually I was thinking about this *age* thing over the weekend. Neither one of them are really adults yet! They both have a lot of growing up to do!

I watched Rihanna's 20/20 interview and was really proud of her for coming to the realization that they HAD to stop that relationship, and she was the stronger person to do so! She says that it was the fact that she is looked up to as a 'role model' for other young women her age .. and wouldn't want them to experience what she did!

I think I would have felt better if she had done it for herself as opposed to feeling the need to do it to benefit others .. but, whatever worked (for her to break off from him) it was what was needed to be done.

Neither one of them have truly taken full responsibility for their own individual actions ... and I only hope that BOTH of them get professional counseling (Chris has no choice, it is part of his sentencing) that I hope will help them to understand themselves and their own individual situations ... and turn the mindsets that put them together and caused that whole situation to occur in the first place.

So many of our young people today (male and female) are angry and exhibit that anger through violence. There are TWO examples of it in this story. And so many more whose story does not get told.
Originally posted by Ebonyrose
quote:
You are sooooooo right on that, Ms. Koco!!

And to that very good point, this may be somewhat but I would like to add that this type of VIOLENCE among women also carries over into child-rearing ... and the abuse and violence that is directed towards the children of women who have been raised with violence in the home!


fro Yep. You hit it on the nail. A lotta folks from the South know this to be true. Many parents who were victims of racial abuse that probably were violent...passed it on to their children....and it was thought back then that children were to be seen and not heard only heard when they were getting their "butts" whopped....but! Having said, I do agree with corporate punishment to a certain degree...however, this form of traditional abuse was the norm. But destructivve. Only cuz they saw their parents do the same to them. No one ever think about the long term ramifications this can have on a child...even as they grow to be adults. The stories I could tell. I also think that back then....children needed to fear their parents so they would not find themselves in unwanted terrorities...i.e. be found hanging from a tree...tarred and feathered...beat to a pulp... so in that parents felt that it was a need to have their children in total control. But now since there has not been any healing per se....we have folks who think a beat down will keep a person in check. Not true. And who is those to wanna put a person in check in the first place?


quote:
I'm not even gonna talk about the WORST kinds of abuses - the kind that make the news! But, the traditional "spankings" from back in day which was the preferred method of discipline that was used by our parents on us has now turned into slapping and hitting and punching young children on any/every part of their bodies .. including and especially in the face!


Yep...as I said above....the healing never came. Then on the flip side, because of that, you have parents that will SPOIL their child instead of raising them. They feel if they buy them stuff...it's love. Wrong! These parents are enabling their children to be dependent as adults.

quote:
Too many times I have seen in public and in private young mothers haul off and slap their child across the face! A sure sign of misplaced anger by FEMALES ... which, again, is something that we as a community choose not have a conversation about!


Me too. And I have said something too...but! I always get that look. Like...this is MY child not yourn.

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I am not, for one minute, trying to diminish or deflect the need for there to be a discussion on our men learning to control their anger towards their women! And, in fact, we have no problem being able to have THAT conversation ALL THE TIME!


I know. But men used to have full control back in the day. And could beat a wife and the police did nothing.


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But the separate issue of the anger and violence of our WOMEN and it's affect on our community as a whole should not be a discussion that we refuse to have, either ... just because it's easier to be mad at what Chris did to Rihanna and overlook what the things she also did to him.


I'm angry at BOTH of them.

fro
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Originally posted by kresge:but physical retaliation in these circumstances is a lose-lose proposition.


So is starting sh*t on a physical level. The goal (one hopes) is for both parties to recognize that reality - before it gets physical. Why should the burden of civility and common sense be on the one who is in the position of having to (choose to) retaliate?

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