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I wasn't sure if this should be in the "random thoughts" section or this one...

So the other day I provided the sound system and music for a long time friend who was getting married... I walk in to set up in jeans and a t shirt and there were a few people there so I introduce myself and by saying: "Hello everyone... "My name is AG and I am providing the sound system for the wedding blah blah blah..." The photographer says "Hi my name is blah blah" and shakes my hand... the photographer's assistant says/does the same... The wedding co-ord intros herself as well... There was one more sister in there and she says "I'm just a friend helping out" - no name intro/handshake... I thought that was a little odd, but whatever...

At some point it's just me and the no-name sister in the room, so I ask her her name she says blah blah... I ask whether she is friends with the bride or groom... she says "both, really" I say I went to college with the groom... she says the the groom was a mentor to her when she was in high school through their church... I say the church that is located by the "shrimp boat"? (famous D.C. landmark) she replies "Yes"... At some point I guess she had had enough small talk and started to ignore me by acting like she had something to do and walking away... If I had been trying to "rap" my feelings would have been hurt, but as it was, I was just making convo with no other motives...

I finished setting up and started playing music and then went to change into my suit... The ceremony was outside so, with the exception of the staff I was the only one in the room...

At the end of the ceremony, sister no-convo was one of the first ones back into the room so she could take care of one of her imaginary duties, and comes over with a big smile on her face and says "Oh, you've changed!" My first thought was to say "No I haven't... I'm still the same person who was here a half hour ago..." but instead I said "Uh... Yeah..."

Later that night, a bunch of us who had gone to the wedding decided to hang out and we met at the hotel that most of them were staying in... and sister youarenotworthyunlessyoudressacertainway happened to be there as well and suddenly became "Chatty Kathy" with me... I wasn't interested in the first place, but now that I have witnessed her shallowness first hand, I am really not interested... So I engage her for a minute and then start socializing with my other friends...

It's really interesting to see that some people are so obviously superficial... It's one thing to hear about it, it's quite another experience it... WOW...

 

 

Peace,

 

AudioGuy

 

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Original Post
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
I wasn't sure if this should be in the "random thoughts" section or this one...

So the other day I provided the sound system and music for a long time friend who was getting married... I walk in to set up in jeans and a t shirt and there were a few people there so I introduce myself and by saying: "Hello everyone... "My name is AG and I am providing the sound system for the wedding blah blah blah..." The photographer says "Hi my name is blah blah" and shakes my hand... the photographer's assistant says/does the same... The wedding co-ord intros herself as well... There was one more sister in there and she says "I'm just a friend helping out" - no name intro/handshake... I thought that was a little odd, but whatever...

At some point it's just me and the no-name sister in the room, so I ask her her name she says blah blah... I ask whether she is friends with the bride or groom... she says "both, really" I say I went to college with the groom... she says the the groom was a mentor to her when she was in high school through their church... I say the church that is located by the "shrimp boat"? (famous D.C. landmark) she replies "Yes"... At some point I guess she had had enough small talk and started to ignore me by acting like she had something to do and walking away... If I had been trying to "rap" my feelings would have been hurt, but as it was, I was just making convo with no other motives...

I finished setting up and started playing music and then went to change into my suit... The ceremony was outside so, with the exception of the staff I was the only one in the room...

At the end of the ceremony, sister no-convo was one of the first ones back into the room so she could take care of one of her imaginary duties, and comes over with a big smile on her face and says "Oh, you've changed!" My first thought was to say "No I haven't... I'm still the same person who was here a half hour ago..." but instead I said "Uh... Yeah..."

Later that night, a bunch of us who had gone to the wedding decided to hang out and we met at the hotel that most of them were staying in... and sister youarenotworthyunlessyoudressacertainway happened to be there as well and suddenly became "Chatty Kathy" with me... I wasn't interested in the first place, but now that I have witnessed her shallowness first hand, I am really not interested... So I engage her for a minute and then start socializing with my other friends...

It's really interesting to see that some people are so obviously superficial... It's one thing to hear about it, it's quite another experience it... WOW...



One's style of dress and really style period...is part of communication... it does say something about you... no one is immune to this...

which is why a perfectly beautiful sister may be judged as less than beautiful if a brother approaches her on a day she does not do her hair... or her hairstyle is particularly unflattering to him... or she wears a style (erm.. gelled "baby hair" and burgundy strands for instance )that is associated with a lower class of women.... this does not mean she is unworthy of consideration... that she is ghetto... or that she is unintelligent or not beautiful.... but she has donned a style that is stereotypically shunned by certain people...

this does not make them shallow... most people use cues or standards to determine whether some one is worth the effort of expending the energy to get to know...

if you were clean but your clothes wore torn.. it may say you do not care about your image... it may say that you are anti social... it may say that you are into punk culture... but the reality may be you are ultraconservative but had a bad day with your clothes getting snag and couldn't forego a crucial meeting to change.... the person evaluating you may not be shallow... just not in the mood to investigate you further...

then again she could be perfectly shallow according to you... meaning... she could take your casual attire as your not being a man of ambition or part of the corporate structure... which means you're broke...

everyone has some sort of prejudgment...


this is not necessarily bad... in the beginning all we have are impressions...


I think its bad once you find out the truth and you remain stuck in a false idea of someone....
Last edited {1}
quote:

One's style of dress and really style period...is part of communication... it does say something about you... no one is immune to this...



I tend to agree. And men are just as guilty of pre-judging as women.

I once knew a woman I thought nothing of whatsoever (in romantic terms) but one day, instead of the casual dress she usually favors, she chose to wear something a lot 'dressier'. She also wore contacts that day instead of the eyeglasses that she usually wore.

I was completely floored. Eek

And after that day, even when she reverted back to her usual style of dress, I saw her in a completely different light.

quote:

I certainly didn't have the foggiest idea he made so much... and I DID stereotype him based off his style... but I wasn't shallow... the beauty of his mind, his principles and ideals... held more weight with me....



Interesting .... you judged his mind and spirit "beautiful" ... and were still not interested in "courtship"? ... I wonder what type of man (if any) would qualify as worthy by your "values" ...
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:

One's style of dress and really style period...is part of communication... it does say something about you... no one is immune to this...



I tend to agree. And men are just as guilty of pre-judging as women.

I once knew a woman I thought nothing of whatsoever (in romantic terms) but one day, instead of the casual dress she usually favors, she chose to wear something a lot 'dressier'. She also wore contacts that day instead of the eyeglasses that she usually wore.

I was completely floored. Eek

And after that day, even when she reverted back to her usual style of dress, I saw her in a completely different light.

quote:

I certainly didn't have the foggiest idea he made so much... and I DID stereotype him based off his style... but I wasn't shallow... the beauty of his mind, his principles and ideals... held more weight with me....



Interesting .... you judged his mind and spirit "beautiful" ... and were still not interested in "courtship"? ... I wonder what type of man (if any) would qualify as worthy by your "values" ...


Though your question is valid after I shared my experience.. I should have exercised restraint and not revealed so much... gotta get a hold of that... at any rate...

The courtship ceased because of other reasons that I do not wish to share.....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I dont know......

A lot of us, behave differently.......based on what we have on.

When i have on a pair of jeans/sneakers.......im not as prissy.

Let me throw on a sexy dress.....and my behavior changes. Big Grin


I think this also holds true for men.


But when he first introduced himself to the girl, he told her that he was setting up sound equipment. At this juncture, she had no idea that he was a member of the wedding party, and so why would she expect him to arrive to the wedding dressed up? No one, in their right mind, is going to set up any type of equipment in a 3-piece suit. So I think Brother AG was appropriately dressed for what he was preparing to do at the time.

I believe something, more obvious, happened in this scenerio for this woman to ignore him in that way. What Brother AG is not telling us that he probably had mustard and ketcup all smothered on his shirt from when he ate that sandwich for lunch earlier. The poor girl was probably too embarressed for him to say anything. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
One's style of dress and really style period...is part of communication... it does say something about you... no one is immune to this...


Perhaps people in general have a tendency to overlook those that are doing anything that resembles manual labor. People who work in the background are often invisible to most folks. But as soon as we see someone in a suit walk pass, we sit up and take notice, because she or he has status and is doing "something important." Perhaps that is why the woman ignored Brother AG, because she initially saw him as the unimportant "equipment guy." She didn't realize until later that he was actually a member of the wedding party and that he cleans up nicely. I suppose we should try to appreciate people regardless of what they might be wearing.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I dont know......

A lot of us, behave differently.......based on what we have on.

When i have on a pair of jeans/sneakers.......im not as prissy.

Let me throw on a sexy dress.....and my behavior changes. Big Grin


I think this also holds true for men.


But when he first introduced himself to the girl, he told her that he was setting up sound equipment. At this juncture, she had no idea that he was a member of the wedding party, and so why would she expect him to arrive to the wedding dressed up? No one, in their right mind, is going to set up any type of equipment in a 3-piece suit. So I think Brother AG was appropriately dressed for what he was preparing to do at the time.

I believe something, more obvious, happened in this scenerio for this woman to ignore him in that way. What Brother AG is not telling us that he probably had mustard and ketcup all smothered on his shirt from when he ate that sandwich for lunch earlier. The poor girl was probably too embarressed for him to say anything. Smile




Ohhh i thought AG was there to provide music/sound system. I didnt realize he was a part of the wedding party.



Nevertheless, when i see a man dressed in a suit, his demeanor is different, than when wearing jeans and sneakers.

He usually walks with his head upright, stomach in, and has an air of confidence.

Women pick up on this..........and its quite attractive. Smile
quote:
From Shaniqua:
... this does not make them shallow... most people use cues or standards to determine whether some one is worth the effort of expending the energy to get to know...
How much energy would she have expended being courteous? I didn't ask for her hand in marriage, I just said hello... to everyone that was present...

I'll just say that I was not upset that she dissed me, but rather that she tried to be nice after doing so, merely because I changed clothes...

quote:
From qty226:
I think this also holds true for men.
I don't agree... A man will approach a woman that he is attracted to no matter what...

I am a person who is the same no matter what I wear... I am just as confident/comfortable in a pair of jeans as I am in a suit...

quote:
From Rowe:
... I believe something, more obvious, happened in this scenerio for this woman to ignore him in that way. What Brother AG is not telling us that he probably had mustard and ketcup all smothered on his shirt from when he ate that sandwich for lunch earlier...
Were you there??!! I was hoping that no one would notice!! LOL!!

quote:
From qty226:
Ohhh i thought AG was there to provide music/sound system. I didnt realize he was a part of the wedding party.



Nevertheless, when i see a man dressed in a suit, his demeanor is different, than when wearing jeans and sneakers.

He usually walks with his head upright, stomach in, and has an air of confidence.

Women pick up on this..........and its quite attractive.
I wasn't really part of the wedding party, I am a long time friend of the groom...

Again, if a man's demeanor is different while wearing a suit, it's because he doesn't want to spill anything on it or snag it on something... Dry cleaning is expensive...

Most men are not more confident when their clothes change, women just perceive them differently...

*Note to self* Go out and get a pair or two of Levi's 501's!! cabbage
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
I'll just say that I was not upset that she dissed me, but rather that she tried to be nice after doing so, merely because I changed clothes...

quote:

I am a person who is the same no matter what I wear... I am just as confident/comfortable in a pair of jeans as I am in a suit...

quote:

Most men are not more confident when their clothes change, women just perceive them differently...



Welp, it sounds as though you've got everything figured out. tfro
I know a couple of guys who used to deliberately dress bummy to sift out the shallow ones.

They swore by it.

It kind of back fired on one because when he found a woman who didn't prejudge him, he figured all he had to do was dress dapper to really woo her. He wore expensive clothes of all kinds and started trying to take her expensive places.

She was completely unimpressed.

He began judging her because of her not getting more into him after seeing what he was "really worth." The relationship was almost over.

But he eventually stopped trying to prove himself to her, and then she fell hard. She felt that it was only then that he was letting her see his worth, which had nothing to do with his educational background, career, money, status...

Anyhow, they are married now and have hilarious stories about that courtship period.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Nevertheless, when i see a man dressed in a suit, his demeanor is different, than when wearing jeans and sneakers.

He usually walks with his head upright, stomach in, and has an air of confidence.

Women pick up on this..........and its quite attractive. Smile



qty226,

Is it really his demeanor that changed or your reaction to him?

I really stopped to assess your statement. I wear suits or tie/jackets 4-5 days a week. My demeanor when when I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans on the weekend is no different than any other time. Head's up-right, confidence in tact.

(Sure, if I walk in (wearing jeans) to a formal event, I'd feel stressed but that would be due to external stimuli, not how I felt about my self or my abilities.)

I think we all (men/women) see people through the prism of our own expectations. In the original post the sista formed an initial impression based on her "prism." Fine, that's her right. Her problem was that her initial opinion showed too clearly. Later, when she saw AG cleaned up, and at least wanted more conversation, she'd revealed too much of her original thought, and it was (apparently) a turn off to dude.

...so do clothes make the man, or do they color our interpretation of the man?
quote:
Originally posted by TruthSeeker:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Nevertheless, when i see a man dressed in a suit, his demeanor is different, than when wearing jeans and sneakers.

He usually walks with his head upright, stomach in, and has an air of confidence.

Women pick up on this..........and its quite attractive. Smile



qty226,

Is it really his demeanor that changed or your reaction to him?

I really stopped to assess your statement. I wear suits or tie/jackets 4-5 days a week. My demeanor when when I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans on the weekend is no different than any other time. Head's up-right, confidence in tact.

(Sure, if I walk in (wearing jeans) to a formal event, I'd feel stressed but that would be due to external stimuli, not how I felt about my self or my abilities.)

I think we all (men/women) see people through the prism of our own expectations. In the original post the sista formed an initial impression based on her "prism." Fine, that's her right. Her problem was that her initial opinion showed too clearly. Later, when she saw AG cleaned up, and at least wanted more conversation, she'd revealed too much of her original thought, and it was (apparently) a turn off to dude.

...so do clothes make the man, or do they color our interpretation of the man?



First let me just say........that (other than work), the men i see or interact with, rarely wear suits. A lot of people are allowed to dress casual (jobs), and wearing a suit is not a requirement.

So its not that i find a man in a suit more attractive/sexy, than a man in jeans/sneakers/tims. I just see more wearing casual clothing.

You mentioned that maybe i "react" differently, because hes dressed in a suit, and after thinking for a few minutes..................maybe its true.

Maybe im unknowingly drooling.....and hes surprised. Big Grin

But i dont see it as a negative. I dont overlook men wearing jeans, etc.
You know, AG ...

After further consideration, I think that maybe a visual aid might assist in me being able to fully answer this question! 19 Big Grin

Why don't you re-dress as you did that evening, upload a couple of pics (According to RadioRaheem, a back shot is extremely helpful to critical research! Wink) and that way, I'd be better able to determine whether your garments may have actually appeared to have changed your persona ... or, if homegirl really was just a snob! Eek Big Grin

Just trying to help! girl
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
You mentioned that maybe i "react" differently, because hes dressed in a suit, and after thinking for a few minutes..................maybe its true.

Maybe im unknowingly drooling.....and hes surprised. Big Grin

But i dont see it as a negative. I dont overlook men wearing jeans, etc.


The context of your second answer helped me better understand your first reponse. It's cool, you're allowed. Smile

...besides if those eyes in your present avatar are yours, I doubt you'd be the only one drooling. Cool
ag, no clothes don't make the man. some folks will form an opinion about you and what you do based on how you are dressed.
they always say first impressions are the ones that stick. and it's not just clothes it's the car you drive, how you wear your hair and the color of your skin. we humans have a tendency to prejudge everything and everybody.
it takes a lot of living experiences to change these ways of thinking. the one who dissed you is not worth your time. she won't love you thru good times and bad, for better or worse. and she sure ain't gonna love you when you get old.
quote:
Originally posted by TruthSeeker:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
You mentioned that maybe i "react" differently, because hes dressed in a suit, and after thinking for a few minutes..................maybe its true.

Maybe im unknowingly drooling.....and hes surprised. Big Grin

But i dont see it as a negative. I dont overlook men wearing jeans, etc.


The context of your second answer helped me better understand your first reponse. It's cool, you're allowed. Smile

...besides if those eyes in your present avatar are yours, I doubt you'd be the only one drooling. Cool


Thanks.........and yes, those are my eyes. Wink
quote:
"Creation reflects the creator - male and female, both intrinsic parts of divinity - it is EVERYWHERE in nature. Therefore the image of the Godhead should reflect that reality...

...In order to think outside the box...you have to understand the box."
-Iyah360


******************************************************* oshun, your sizzy line caught my eye. it's a lil puzzling especially the part about the box! considering the first sentence mentions nature.

it's makin me think. that the box doesn't necessarily have to be a cube and all straight lines! and there are no straight lines in nature. it could be a round hat box. lol usually i don't think that abstract unless i'm smokin some weed.
quote:
Originally posted by kelley371:
quote:
and yes, those are my eyes.



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qty226, you do have pretty eyes. i spose you prolly have to defend the bridge of your nose too? i mean it's not wide. so people would say your beauty is judged by the european ideal.
ps; i ain't hatin just congradulatin. givin my sistah her props.



Kelly

Thanks for the compliment....

But i really didnt understand your line of questioning.

Are you actually, giving me props..........for having euro features?

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