March 01, 2006

Church Of The Spread Legs

I seemed to be an expert at finding men who worship at Church of the Spread Legs. It's not uncommon for me to meet someone new and immediately tag them for the booty chasers. They rarely even bother to hide this fact much. It just gets frustrating because being a sensual person with a high sex drive that prefers NOT to go out f*ckin for sport, I find myself unintentionally attracting the VERY guys that I KNOW won't offer anything but O's. They don't expect much from you either, other than the occasional romp in the hay, perhaps cooking a sandwich or some fish and grits. These are the guys that are totally cool with half ass connections with women. They want to kick it and want your time and attention but they make no efforts to move past that point. I have to stop giving these cats energy.

It just makes me salty and spiteful. I find myself becoming more and more caught up in proving that every chick WON'T spread her legs because someone fine as frog's hair pays her a bit of attention. I actually try to find ways to make men realize that their big dick and bigger wallet is NOT enough to keep a woman interested, well not me. I have been so focused on talking, and talking, digging deeper. I start questioning the point of it all. I mean, really..for men, what does it take before you have to actually open up and give a part of yourself to someone? How much do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your soul?

What can a chick do to get past that superficial shit? Why do guys want you on your knees, lying to them, telling them they are the best, pretending that the orgasm they bring can't also be delivered by any random "object of my affection" vibrator, sans the sweat?

They don't want to give more, so I want to share less. Then they want to worship at the Church of the Spread Legs, a place that they convince themselves is where they want to be, because hey..it's better than NO sex at all.
it's NOT. Sport f*cking can only bring so many O's before you want something more, something intense.

It's funny how men and women get into this ego tripping, who holds the cards, I am not showing you too much mindset. It gets you NOWHERE fast. It's bullshit and it's old, and I for one, don't want to do it anymore.

F*ck it...I am staying single for life. Men suck hot monkey balls. That is all.

Posted by Bulletproof Diva at March 1, 2006 08:38 AM |

© MBM

Original Post
ohsnap

This has the potential to start an eye-opening discussion or a really brutal gender fight.

I really wish we had an emoticon here for eating popcorn...
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
ohsnap

This has the potential to start an eye-opening discussion or a really brutal gender fight.

I really wish we had an emoticon here for eating popcorn...


Yeah I'm waiting for it to "pop off". lol
quote:
I mean, really..for men, what does it take before you have to actually open up and give a part of yourself to someone? How much do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your soul?


...that's a good question I want to read some answers guys, however the larger question is: are some men just incapable or maybe too insecure to ever do this?

And why are some men proud to admit they 'aren't emotional'? huh? Confused

Or if they do open up emotionally, as soon as some challenge comes along they clam up or use BS excuses eg. "I'm an alpha male", because they are too emotionally insecure to deal with it.

Big Grin ok... back to the original context about all your out-for-booty 'friends'...

How successful are these guys? If women want to 'give it up' to these guys I say go ahead... but pay the price. Razz
.
For every woman in Detroit who asked for honest emotion (All the women who asked were married/divorced)...I, personally, ran across others (ALL single) who saw such expression as WEAKNESS--and would happily tell me so.

My wife was the first who did not, and I was twenty-nine when I met her.
quote:
I mean, really..for men, what does it take before you have to actually open up and give a part of yourself to someone? How much do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your soul?
I think men are just like women in terms of what they feel... maybe not the same intensity or in response to the same stimulus....

but they feel....

and just like any feeling human being....

they require trust and care before they will open up.....

at least in my experience....


Peace,
Virtue
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
quote:
I mean, really..for men, what does it take before you have to actually open up and give a part of yourself to someone? How much do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your soul?


...that's a good question I want to read some answers guys, however the larger question is: are some men just incapable or maybe too insecure to ever do this?

And why are some men proud to admit they 'aren't emotional'? huh? Confused

Or if they do open up emotionally, as soon as some challenge comes along they clam up or use BS excuses eg. "I'm an alpha male", because they are too emotionally insecure to deal with it.

Big Grin ok... back to the original context about all your out-for-booty 'friends'...

How successful are these guys? If women want to 'give it up' to these guys I say go ahead... but pay the price. Razz
.



Hmm, art-gurl,
Interesting question...I must say that the reason why men in general are not willing to be open to revealing their inner selves is quite simple: Men are simply (in general) not encouraged, not expected nor desired to be sensitive despite the outcry by ladies asking men to be sensitive. It simply boils down to in most cases, an example (of many) of the obvious double talk that plaques the male-female relationship these days.
These guys are seemingly successful afterall the above lady in the introduction post seem to run into them all the time.

Art-gurl....cool pic!
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
Hmm, art-gurl,
Interesting question...I must say that the reason why men in general are not willing to be open to revealing their inner selves is quite simple: Men are simply (in general) not encouraged, not expected nor desired to be sensitive despite the outcry by ladies asking men to be sensitive.


In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

hat
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

hat


As always, HB, you just know how to word the same feelings I have so simply....just when are you leaving Kentucky?
quote:
They don't want to give more, so I want to share less.

(snip)

F*ck it...I am staying single for life. Men suck hot monkey balls. That is all.

Let the church say, "Amen!" bsm

Completely agree with the article and the writer's frustration. Men seem to pride themselves on holding back emotionally for as long as possible, even when their feelings are otherwise. My male friends will scream and cry and stress over a woman, but all of a sudden get cold as ice and "whatevah" as soon as she's present or when around other men they don't know well. Everybody wants to worship, but nobody wants to tithe. Where is the offering? A lot of y'all are letting that collection plate go by without putting anything in it (without giving anything emotionally to the woman)... and we won't touch on the ones who put the empty envelope in the plate (HALF-STEPPING like you're really about something). laugh

If it's not one game, it's another. sleep
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Everybody wants to worship, but nobody wants to tithe.


Okay, I'm adding this one to my list of "off the hook" sayings.
lol

Hoping Frenchy has'nt copywritten this
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

hat


As always, HB, you just know how to word the same feelings I have so simply....just when are you leaving Kentucky?


It's good to be appreciated, Felix...

Expanding on the thought: When a brotha does open up to share his own feelings is when the sista says "I can't stand no whiny man Roll Eyes."

Big Grin
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quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:

I really wish we had an emoticon here for eating popcorn...


Big Grin





Thanks - I've seen ones like this before, but I always forget where I've seen them.
kiss
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

hat


As always, HB, you just know how to word the same feelings I have so simply....just when are you leaving Kentucky?


It's good to be appreciated, Felix...

Expanding on the thought: When a brotha does open up to share his own feelings is when the sista says "I can't stand no whiny man Roll Eyes."

Big Grin


appl bow DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH! The minute we're emotionally vulnerable, that's when she's says under her breath, "Damn, he's weak."

Can a brotha be kind (and be emotionally vulnerable) to a woman without her questioning his masculinity 24/7, or verbally castrating him or writing him off as a boyfriend and putting him in the "friend zone" and trading him in for the thug of the month?
No man in his right mind would "share his feelings" to a woman. Its a catch-22 and just keeps us going in circles. A woman wants "emotional sharing", she needs to call one of her girlfriends...

Woman: "Gambit, you never let me know how you really feel! I cant do this anymore, I need to have some space."

Gambit: "Well, you know where the door is and how to use it right?"
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
No man in his right mind would "share his feelings" to a woman. Its a catch-22 and just keeps us going in circles. A woman wants "emotional sharing", she needs to call one of her girlfriends...

Woman: "Gambit, you never let me know how you really feel! I cant do this anymore, I need to have some space."

Gambit: "Well, you know where the door is and how to use it right?"


lol

Gambit, I remember some dude was breaking up with his girlfriend and the conversion did end similar like the one that you mentioned earlier. Sad, but really funny:

Girl: "I can't take this. You never tell how you feel."

Boy: "The last time you did, you clowned me in front of your girlfriends, behind my back. Never again!"

Girl: "You don't understand--"

Boy: "Are you fucking me or your girlfriends?"
Girl: "What? I don't understand-"
Boy: "Answer the damn question!"

Girl: "Why are you doing me like this? I don't ask about your friends. Why you won't?...(changes subject) I think we should end this. I need some space."

Boy: (Throws DVDs at ex) "You want some space? Well bitch, watch the "Star Wars" trilogy. May the Force Be With Yo' Ass, now get the hell out!"

lol
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
No man in his right mind would "share his feelings" to a woman. Its a catch-22 and just keeps us going in circles. A woman wants "emotional sharing", she needs to call one of her girlfriends...

Woman: "Gambit, you never let me know how you really feel! I cant do this anymore, I need to have some space."

Gambit: "Well, you know where the door is and how to use it right?"


lol

Gambit, I remember some dude was breaking up with his girlfriend and the conversion did end similar like the one that you mentioned earlier. Sad, but really funny:

Girl: "I can't take this. You never tell how you feel."

Boy: "The last time you did, you clowned me in front of your girlfriends, behind my back. Never again!"

Girl: "You don't understand--"

Boy: "Are you fucking me or your girlfriends?"
Girl: "What? I don't understand-"
Boy: "Answer the damn question!"

Girl: "Why are you doing me like this? I don't ask about your friends. Why you won't?...(changes subject) I think we should end this. I need some space."

Boy: (Throws DVDs at ex) "You want some space? Well bitch, watch the "Star Wars" trilogy. May the Force Be With Yo' Ass, now get the hell out!"

lol


laugh

Bwhahahhaahahahahahha!!!! Oh that's funny as hell! lol Being I'm a huge Star Wars freak, I gotta use that line in the future! lol
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

hat


As always, HB, you just know how to word the same feelings I have so simply....just when are you leaving Kentucky?


It's good to be appreciated, Felix...

Expanding on the thought: When a brotha does open up to share his own feelings is when the sista says "I can't stand no whiny man Roll Eyes."

Big Grin


appl bow DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH! The minute we're emotionally vulnerable, that's when she's says under her breath, "Damn, he's weak."

Can a brotha be kind (and be emotionally vulnerable) to a woman without her questioning his masculinity 24/7, or verbally castrating him or writing him off as a boyfriend and putting him in the "friend zone" and trading him in for the thug of the month?

yeah Yeah, all of that! appl
quote:
Frenchy: Men seem to pride themselves on holding back emotionally for as long as possible, even when their feelings are otherwise.

Not all men... but enough to make it annoying. bang Wink

quote:
A lot of y'all are letting that collection plate go by without putting anything in it (without giving anything emotionally to the woman)... and we won't touch on the ones who put the empty envelope in the plate (HALF-STEPPING like you're really about something).

nothing to add here Big Grin

quote:
If it's not one game, it's another.

and who's foolin' who? Wink
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
Hmm, art-gurl,
Interesting question...I must say that the reason why men in general are not willing to be open to revealing their inner selves is quite simple: Men are simply (in general) not encouraged, not expected nor desired to be sensitive despite the outcry by ladies asking men to be sensitive.

It simply boils down to in most cases, an example (of many) of the obvious double talk that plaques the male-female relationship these days.

Yes, plus it depends on the individuals involved ...which is why I believe it is so important on a one-to-one basis.
oh and thanks folobatuyi Smile

quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother: In my experience, when women say they want a man to "be more sensitive" what they REALLY mean is NOT that they want the man to be more in touch with and expressive of his own feelings but RATHER better able to divine and sympathize with their feelings...

it depends on who's asking... Smile

Caring is also about sharing...
I favour two-way communication... so each person not only feels trust in expressing how they feel, is able to clearly express how they feel, and is passionate, and in-tune enough with themselves enough to identify their feelings in the first place.

Heck, isn't that just more natural anyway?

That ability and openness, to be in touch with his feelings and be able to express them is, to me anyway, the mark of a real man. Being compassionate, supportive, loyal, nurturing and nourishing and complementary (note the E) is, to me anyway, being a real woman. Anyway, for me, that's what it takes to go the distance. JMO.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
That ability and openness, to be in touch with his feelings and be able to express them is, to me anyway, the mark of a real man. Being compassionate, supportive, loyal, nurturing and nourishing and complementary (note the E) is, to me anyway, being a real woman. Anyway, for me, that's what it takes to go the distance. JMO.


And to be honest, we may also be talking about relationships in different phases.... In a relationship that's older than a year, I might agree that you're right... In a younger relationship... well ... that depends on the woman .... with certain women I wouldn't wouldn't make it longer than a year anyway much less open up my heart ( "I can't stand no whiny man Roll Eyes")

But yes... in a relationship that had any chance of going the distance I'd hope that you were right...
yes, HB, I was very much in my own mindset here and totally oblivious to the less than a year's dating concept. My bad.

After 3 outings however, I'd be expecting Mr Iceman to defrost and reveal his real self. Or as close as he can get. Cool

For me, 'just dating' is more like socializing. If both of you enjoy each others' company, it doesn't have to actually lead somewhere, but for me, I would rather put more energy into sustaining either long term friendships or long term relationships.

I have lots of different friends I can 'go out with' to have fun and talk and go see theatre or whatever. After going out with a guy for a few times, I would think we'd both discuss whether it was a 'great time with a great friend' or 'let's see where it has the potential to go' relationship.

I've always had the open-chat type relationship with guys. I don't do the game thing or the sweet lil thang too well. Too impatient I guess, lol. It works better for me anyhoo. Wink

Just dating guys for something to do isn't quite my thing. I like to try to get close to people - I'm not the small-talk type. Wink

So yes, you're right about timeframes. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
Men, what do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your souls?

*grabs notepad*


There are degrees of self-revelation...

The answer depends on

1. What you consider to be "opening up". I'm not going to give more than I think you're ready for.

2. How much I trust you. I'm not going to give more than I think I'm ready for.


BTW, question for the ladies: What DO you consider to be opening up?
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
Men, what do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your souls?

*grabs notepad*


Never again. My soul is off limits from here on out. Women are not interested in a man "opening up his soul". I feel that's an Oprah/Dr. Phil euphamism for "emotional manipulation".
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
BTW, question for the ladies: What DO you consider to be opening up?


Hmmm. Several things.

Not acting affectionless.

Allowing someone else to be in tune with your emotions.

Feeling that it's safe to be personal, even if it comes across as sensitive.

Being intimate -- Exposing yourself emotionally, not just physically.

Or something like that.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:


BTW, question for the ladies: What DO you consider to be opening up?


Not allowing me to assume......

Just tell me whats on your mind, your likes, and dislikes...........i cant fix, what i dont know!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:


BTW, question for the ladies: What DO you consider to be opening up?


Not allowing me to assume......

Just tell me whats on your mind, your likes, and dislikes...........i cant fix, what i dont know!


Now this is reasonable. Thank you. appl
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
Men, what do you need before you feel compelled to reveal your souls?

*grabs notepad*


Never again. My soul is off limits from here on out. Women are not interested in a man "opening up his soul". I feel that's an Oprah/Dr. Phil euphamism for "emotional manipulation".



A lot of women aren't ready for what they see... I think many may have romance novel notions of what to expect and are not prepared for the emotional life of a flesh and blood man. I found it interesting for example to see female reactions to xxGambitxx's thread about his bad date .

And strangely enough, I've found sistas to be worse about this - not to start controversy... but it is my experience. Some sistas are not prepared to see/accept our woundedness (for example). You reveal too much and they go hurrying in the opposite direction. They want an "iron man." When they express desire for a "sensitive man" what they mean is not that we have feelings of our own but they we are in touch with their feelings. They don't want a man with any problems/emotional depths/complexities of his own.

With black women I find myself putting up a mask where I don't reveal too much beyond a certain point - and I can't help myself... the reaction has become almost second nature ... but experience has taught me that they really don't want to see it... no matter what they say.
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
BTW, question for the ladies: What DO you consider to be opening up?


Hmmm. Several things.

Not acting affectionless.


Check. Can do that.

quote:

Allowing someone else to be in tune with your emotions.


Nope. Not beyond a certain point.

quote:

Feeling that it's safe to be personal, even if it comes across as sensitive.


Check. Can do that.

quote:

Being intimate -- Exposing yourself emotionally, not just physically.


Nope. Not beyond a certain point. That's dangerous. See previous post.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
When they express desire for a "sensitive man" what they mean is not that we have feelings of our own but they we are in touch with their feelings.

...and that's the truth, no matter what they say.

The reason men are socialized to keep their emotions in check is because women simply cannot handle them. That's why all women eventually run the other way when a guy gets "emotionally vulnerable". Women need men to be the pillars that they lean against when they are on the endless emotional rollercoaster ride that is the life of a woman.

No woman can last long in a relationship with an emotionally unstable man, because it forces them to be emotionally stable themselves. This is highly uncomfortable for a woman, as it upsets the natural order of things, and it breeds resentment. She starts wishing whe had a man who could emotionally support her (ya know... a real man). Once the resentment has taken hold, he's on his way out the door.
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
...and that's the truth, no matter what they say.

The reason men are socialized to keep their emotions in check is because women simply cannot handle them. That's why all women eventually run the other way when a guy gets "emotionally vulnerable". Women need men to be the pillars that they lean against when they are on the endless emotional rollercoaster ride that is the life of a woman.

No woman can last long in a relationship with an emotionally unstable man, because it forces them to be emotionally stable themselves. This is highly uncomfortable for a woman, as it upsets the natural order of things, and it breeds resentment. She starts wishing whe had a man who could emotionally support her (ya know... a real man). Once the resentment has taken hold, he's on his way out the door.


yeah
quote:
With black women I find myself putting up a mask where I don't reveal too much beyond a certain point - and I can't help myself... the reaction has become almost second nature ... but experience has taught me that they really don't want to see it... no matter what they say.

appl

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