Pheromones may play a major part in our attraction to another, but there is so much more to the formula of chemistry. Physical attraction does not lead me to satisfaction. For my concoction to be pleasing to the palate, I need to add some simple measures of integrity and devotion before I down that potion.

Intelligence is what gets my attention after the Shallow Gal in me calms down long enough to look around, and then focus. I hear it a lot from others I mean, really, who wants to associate with someone who's not? Particularly if things are going to become serious. I must respect a man I am dealing with. It is just as important to me that he know his role as it is that I know mine. I've said it before, I'll say it again, if the words, "Man up!" cross my lips, I have already dismissed him as unsuitable. Doesn't matter how eminently sexable he is.

Is that what keeps people in purely sexual relationships? The pheromones? The physical attraction? Why are more and more women settling for sharing a man, for being friends with benefits, and damn R.Kelly for that song, Homie Lover Friend. lol! Seriously, though. Why are so many people settling, period?

I find it interesting that some will jump into a sexual relationship without getting to know the person well, or at all... and later on, become dissatisfied with the sexual part of the relationship. Uhm. Ok. Not getting to know a person means you don't know them, right? So should one or both parties have a waning of sexual desire for whatever reason, you're looking at possible chaos. Nothing to fall back on... excepting the next person you are drawn to. Animal magnetism, gotta love it. How can you keep those flames lit?

Compatibility is necessary, but I adore some contrasts. Keeps me on my toes. Of course I love being right, but it does get boring if I'm always agreed with. If you like everything I like, I'm not learning anything and I'm not showing anything new, either. Boooring!

Ok, back to talking about sex. I feel strongly that prudish should find frigid, and torrid should stick with hot. We all have our own preferences and needs, and we appreciate them being met, for the most part.

The highly sexual person is often misunderstood for promiscious, why is that? Is it that hard for many to wrap their mind around the fact that there are highly sexual people that also have self respect and control? face it, some seem to exude sex. The way they walk, talk, look... attracts men woman and children. Get your mind out of the gutter, I don't mean all of those mentioned WANT to sex them it just means they attract attention, no matter how soft spoken or innocuous they are in actuality.
Their whispers can come across loud and clear, you can't drag your eyes from certain body parts, their eyes say, come hither... ok, I think I've made my point. They're just sexy, yeah!

Does that mean it's ok to approach them for sex? Because they're sexy? Now, would that be original? How many times to you think they get approached that way?

If you're grown and sexy, please feel free to tell me how you feel about it all.

Meandering ramble over. *smile*
Original Post
quote:
The highly sexual person is often misunderstood for promiscious, why is that? Is it that hard for many to wrap their mind around the fact that there are highly sexual people that also have self respect and control?


I don't quite think it's so much the case that a highly sexed person is percieved as being promiscuous as it is the case of the person doing the percieving may be insecure and paranoid.

I have an extremely high sex drive but, at the same time, I'm a devout monogamist because I love being in love, and I love learning every inch of weaknesses of my woman's body, which some of the women I've dated couldn't grasp. The resulting effect, in some cases, was self-sabbotage of the relationship on behalf of the woman.

It's funny, though, how after they've had a few months to think about how wrong they were, they always call, wanting to get back together, which leads to the next topic of discussion, Heavenly.......
IRON

Hmm. Insecure and paranoid... I can dig that if we're talking about someone with history with said sexy individual (lol)... but what's the deal with others who don't know the person?

I'm going to take it way back, to when all the HS boys were running around talking about who's doing this and that, you can tell how much she's sexing by the size of here gap! What's up with that?

Darlin', I can't agree that that is why women self sabatoge a relationship. But that's another discussion in itself, too.

Yup, we do need to discuss those who want to come running back, whether it be due to an epiphany, self realization, craving familiarity, etc.

I could write a book on that. I'm sure I am willing to push out a post or two.

Ok, so you have a high sex drive, I'm about to get real personal. Do you find it difficult to remain celibate when not committed? Do you remain celibate when not commited? Do you string together partners you are exclusive to, but not committed? How do you deal with that?

You know you can hit me with a MYOB anytime, you know I don't mind.
quote:
Darlin', I can't agree that that is why women self sabatoge a relationship.


Come on, Heavenly, let's not jump to conclusions and make generalizations like some of the other people on this site have a tendency to do.

Let me quote exactly what I said on self-sabbotage:

quote:
I have an extremely high sex drive but, at the same time, I'm a devout monogamist because I love being in love, and I love learning every inch of weaknesses of my woman's body, which some of the women I've dated couldn't grasp. The resulting effect, in some cases, was self-sabbotage of the relationship on behalf of the woman.


I did specifically say, "in some cases," which is what I meant. There are a number of reactions some of the women I've dated have displayed when involved with them.

Now, as for me, celibacy has never been hard for me to maintain. I simply just don't share the same mentality many other men subscribe to--I don't allow my dick to override my brain. I have never been promiscuous when in a relationship and I've never had multiple sex partners when I wasn't in a relationship, well, maybe once but that was by circumstance (it was Springbreak, dammit!)--it wasn't planned, nevertheless, celibacy has never been a problem.
quote:
........Why are more and more women settling for sharing a man, for being friends with benefits, and damn R.Kelly for that song, Homie Lover Friend. lol! Seriously, though. Why are so many people settling, period?


People get comfortable with "certain" standards set by society for what is acceptable in a mate. For some women "thugs" are in; for some men it's all about the body and what she can do with it. So the entire relationship is based on "nothing" important. People tend to look for ready made perfection instead of working on the relationship. When they finally realize it takes work they have 2 choices, stay in a destructive relationship or seek satisfaction elsewhere, often using the same standards that got you caught up in the first place.
Ask some one about their goals and morals and you'll most likely end up with the deer in the head light stare.


catch
IRON

Pump your breaks. *raises eyebrow*

I still stand by what I say.
Meaning, although I realize I was not part of or even an observer of the relationships you refer to ... simply, I trust in my instincts enough to say I don't agree with the self sabatoge being a result of the sexual and physical all you say you were giving them.

It really is more than a branch off of this discussion. I'm giving our seedling some water now. Trust, the topic will come up, and we can opine and exchange truths then. Or here.. if you wish. I welcome it.

You may know women, but so do I, Sugarpie.

Who pissed you off? Never mind, don't answer that! lol

side bar:

You know me better than that. Everyone jumps to conclusions and generalizes. Some just make a practice of it.
*indignance over*

back to topic
Ok, on the monogamy/celibacy tip...

I've been dabbling a tiny bit on human sexuality for my research, looking back first on my own notes from experience and observation.
Do you know something? I have found it quite interesting that those with a seeming heightened sexual awareness actually are the most common to remain celibate when not committed, as well as have no difficulty maintaining fidelity. Just sharing. Like I said, haven't dug too deep... the water is just starting to seep from the ground.



@ocatchings

"When they finally realize it takes work they have 2 choices, stay in a destructive relationship or seek satisfaction elsewhere, often using the same standards that got you caught up in the first place."

Yes ... and that saddens me.

They are not learning anything, so they repeat mistakes. You'd think after hitting their heads against the brick wall so many times, they'd realize their brains are oozing to the pavement. lol

Do you think they feel more accepted? This generation yet to mature to adulthood troubles my soul. It matters more to them what MTV or reality TV says, than any common sense. They cannot hear their inner voice. Or they just don't listen.

Generally speaking, of course.

Goals, morals?
Stuck on startled is right. lol@ deer in headlights.
quote:
Do you think they feel more accepted? This generation yet to mature to adulthood troubles my soul. It matters more to them what MTV or reality TV says, than any common sense. They cannot hear their inner voice. Or they just don't listen.


Yes I do.
Most conversations seem to revolve around the fact that I have a child(ren), someone at home etc. So as long as you can meet those "qualifications" acceptance comes naturally per sey.
I have wondered if the sexuality or animal magnetism revolves from a desire to actually fulfill a desire to be part of something or a complete family (the inner voice) you mentioned?
I guess you can sum it up as "quality vs. quanity".
Interesting topic by the way


catch
@catch

Hmm. I'm going to ponder that, the desire to be part of something.

Well, think of what is the usual reaction to a person stating that they are a loner, and/or don't want any children: I'd feel safe betting the first thing out of another's mouth would be, "Why?"

What's funny, too (not the haha kind) is how if a person is not in a relationship and offers some insight to one in a relationship, that is usally the first thing brought to light. "How do you know? You don't even have a man!" Now that's just plain silly.
How DO you know, Heavenly? You AIN'T Got no man!


Okay, okay, pookie, you know I'm just kidding, Heheheheheh...

I ain't got no woman but you know I stay fartin' up all kinds of advice and tips. Damn, I'm really trying not to repeat the countless topics I've already posted before on other sites. There's only so much you can talk about on relationships and dating before everything starts running together, which reminds me, Heavenly, I could have told you the statistic you uncovered was true years ago.

Even when I was a young buck, I was never promiscuous--I was always finicky about whom I was sexually involved with and I also never felt comfortable hopping from one female to the next. I may not have had a lot of lovers in my life, in comparison to other brothers, but you can bet your ass when I was involved I put all of my heart and soul into it kiss

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