Do any of you believe that cheating can be accidental? A mistake that was unitentional? An event that can occur with no intent?
Please weigh in - both sisters and brothers.
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Hell no!!!!
There is plenty of time to say no. While opening the door, while taking off the shoes, socks, shirt, pants, underwear etc a person can stop at anytime. If a person cheats it's beacuse they want to. That lame ass excuse "it just happened" is just an attempt at sympathy.
catch
There is plenty of time to say no. While opening the door, while taking off the shoes, socks, shirt, pants, underwear etc a person can stop at anytime. If a person cheats it's beacuse they want to. That lame ass excuse "it just happened" is just an attempt at sympathy.
catch
IMHO there is no such thing as accidental cheating.
Awwwww ... c'mon guys .... chit happens, ... right??? 
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
Do any of you believe that cheating can be accidental? A mistake that was unitentional? An event that can occur with no intent?
Please weigh in - both sisters and brothers.
LOL. The way you guys are going make it sound as if we are perfect and people don't sin. Would you agree we sin whether we planned it or not. Accidents happen, that is why there is a difference between manslaughter and murder. For Christians there is the difference between sinning against the Holy Spirit which is deliberate and WILFUL as opposed to general sin we carry on everyday.
To help illustrate, one would have sex with the wife regularly in the bedroom but without warning or prior desire overwhelming lust for her stricks like a flash of lightening and one would grab the wife in the middle of her preparing dinner and have a quickie on the dinning table with the possibility of the children walking in on you. The fear of being caught at it makes it even more enjoyable. Whoopie!!
Cheating can happen like that. When it strikes reason and common-sense can fly right out of the window.
This is different from deliberately carrying on an affair behind your partners back..So cheating can be accidental..... just as cheating can be deliberate.
I am a hermit, I have never cheated
So what does cheating mean; what is the deeper significance of the act? Is it a not so disguised plea for help from the person cheating - to get out of one's primary relationship? Could it be a harmless physical thing, with no emotional impact? Is it always grounds for leaving? Does it always indicate unhappiness on the part of the "cheater"? Could someone be "happy", yet also cheat?
Have you had to deal with this before? Have you done it? How did you deal with it?
Have you had to deal with this before? Have you done it? How did you deal with it?
I think a person can cheat without forethought about it. Much like the example given of Manslaughter and Murder. Neither is better(carrying on a planned affair vs. falling for instantaneous lust)...but of course nobody is perfect and it may happen. I wouldn't say one has to be unhappy to cheat. It could just be a physical thing. But both ways of cheating demonstrate a lack of self control. I think often cheating is used both ways as a means of escapism or a quick fix. Relationships are difficult and take a lot of work to maintain. It is always easier to go through the honeymoon stage with a new partner(the stary eyed infatuation in the beginning) or have a sexual experience with no attatchments, than it is to actually put in work. IMHO, cheaters think they are taking the easy way, or emotionally less taxing way out...but the are only fooling themsleves. Because when all is said and done, they are going to have to deal with their reality. And cheating ends up doing more damage to that reality. Cheating may also be a sign of emotional immaturity or lack of spiritual development beyond our base animal nature.
I, personally, don't think cheating can be accidental, although I do believe it can happen spontaneously.
As OC said, at some point between the meeting, the taking off of the clothing and actually doing the deed, one would have to think about whoever it is they are cheating on. And once you do that, you have to make a conscious thought of whether to continue or not. At that point anything "accidental" goes out the window!
However, there are variables here. I have a girlfriend who has never been faithful to one man (note, she has never been married), but she has always slept with someone else while "with" someone else. But, therein lies another question of fact ... is it "cheating" if you are not married? Because technically, you are still a free agent, right? But anyway, she does not call it cheating ... she says she is "doing her own thing."
I have many, many male friends who have told me that being with someone other than their S/O does not diminish their feelings for them or the concept of their relationship with this person. I know many women who believe just exactly the opposite. How can you be with someone else and it not effect any of your other feelings or relationships? Personally, I understand it very well. I'm not sure that I agree with it ... but I do understand it.
Some people have emotional needs for certain things ... and have either a need or desire to get it from wherever they can get it from!! If it is not who you are supposed to be "with" then therein creates a problem ... because that's who you are supposed to be getting it from!
I think if you are married, then you have chosen not to seek whatever you are not getting from other sources. There's the whole vows and promises thing to consider. However, if you are not actually married ... well, that's a thin line, and having walked both sides of it, I would say there are arguments for both the yea and the nay perspectives.
However ... "oops, I just happened to have sex with another person"???? That just doesn't fly!
As OC said, at some point between the meeting, the taking off of the clothing and actually doing the deed, one would have to think about whoever it is they are cheating on. And once you do that, you have to make a conscious thought of whether to continue or not. At that point anything "accidental" goes out the window!
However, there are variables here. I have a girlfriend who has never been faithful to one man (note, she has never been married), but she has always slept with someone else while "with" someone else. But, therein lies another question of fact ... is it "cheating" if you are not married? Because technically, you are still a free agent, right? But anyway, she does not call it cheating ... she says she is "doing her own thing."
I have many, many male friends who have told me that being with someone other than their S/O does not diminish their feelings for them or the concept of their relationship with this person. I know many women who believe just exactly the opposite. How can you be with someone else and it not effect any of your other feelings or relationships? Personally, I understand it very well. I'm not sure that I agree with it ... but I do understand it.
Some people have emotional needs for certain things ... and have either a need or desire to get it from wherever they can get it from!! If it is not who you are supposed to be "with" then therein creates a problem ... because that's who you are supposed to be getting it from!
I think if you are married, then you have chosen not to seek whatever you are not getting from other sources. There's the whole vows and promises thing to consider. However, if you are not actually married ... well, that's a thin line, and having walked both sides of it, I would say there are arguments for both the yea and the nay perspectives.However ... "oops, I just happened to have sex with another person"???? That just doesn't fly!
Of course some believe that cheating extends beyond physical, sexual, contact. Is it cheating to "flirt" with someone? What about if the contact is only online, is that still cheating? What if the online interaction is blatantly sexual, although entirely non-physical. Is that cheating? What if the interaction is entirely non-sexual, although still intimate. Is that cheating?
LOL ... Did Bill "have sex with that woman?"
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
LOL ... Did Bill "have sex with that woman?"
Ah yes, yet another "angle" to this question!
Also, it seems that there are cultural differences regarding attitudes toward cheating. In Europe, for example, I understand that affairs are much more accepted/expected, and in certain Asian cultures it is normal for men to frequent brothels. Do black folks deal with infidelity differently from others?
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
Do any of you believe that cheating can be accidental? A mistake that was unitentional? An event that can occur with no intent?
Please weigh in - both sisters and brothers.
An accident?
You mean like, you accidently walk into the wrong hotel room, and the lights are off, and it's very dark, and you think that the woman in bed with you is your wife, and she thinks that you're her husband?
Well, I suppose that it's possible.
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
Of course some believe that cheating extends beyond physical, sexual, contact. Is it cheating to "flirt" with someone?
I have never gotten the flirting thing. I don't do it and wouldn't know how even if I wanted to.
quote:
What about if the contact is only online, is that still cheating? What if the online interaction is blatantly sexual, although entirely non-physical. Is that cheating? What if the interaction is entirely non-sexual, although still intimate. Is that cheating?
Probably yes, absolutely yes, probably yes.
For me, the bottom line is to have clear expectations between yourself and your significant other. For example, if you are in an "open" relationship, then I guess, its all fair game. Also, I think that it is possible for persons of the opposite sex to be quite close friends; i.e., platonically intimate; without crossing into cheating.
I have one female friend who tells her husband that he can look as much as he wants, just no touching when it comes to other women. How would you folks classify this? The reality is that I most persons are going to see others and find them attractive. So is my friend being pragmatic, or is she setting herself up for a husband with a roving eye which could become something more?
Did Jimmy Carter cheat when he admitted that he had "sinned in his heart" many times by just looking at other women?
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
Did Jimmy Carter cheat when he admitted that he had "sinned in his heart" many times by just looking at other women?
IMO this statement is really linked to masturbation. You know playing with yourself while holding the image of the woman you fancy in your head. You have sex with your body but you make love with your mind. This is what IMO sinning in ones heart is about, looking is nothing mental action is something else.
What if it is with someone that you have had a history with - like an "ex"? Some that you still care for, but for whatever reason just could not get it together with?
Ummmm ... I think that may be crossing into the area of lust, AudioGuy
With an "ex" you pretty much already know all you need to know ... so ... accident? I don't think so. Mistake? Well, that's another subject ...
With an "ex" you pretty much already know all you need to know ... so ... accident? I don't think so. Mistake? Well, that's another subject ...
The only way I could be with an ex again is if I stilled loved them.
Cheating starts in the mind. Unfortunately, once you start thinking about cheating with someone the next step is to plan to cheat. Before you know it, the plan is put into action.
Oh no, you've cheated. Was it an accident?
NO.
Cheating starts in the mind. Unfortunately, once you start thinking about cheating with someone the next step is to plan to cheat. Before you know it, the plan is put into action.
Oh no, you've cheated. Was it an accident?
NO.
The stereotype is that men are the cheaters. Is this true? Do men cheat more than women?
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
The stereotype is that men are the cheaters. Is this true? Do men cheat more than women?
I'm not sure ... but if I had to guess, I would guess in the affirmative!
I have another cheating question as well:
If one of the participants is married/involved and the other is not, is the one who is not a cheater as well?
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
If one of the participants is married/involved and the other is not, is the one who is not a cheater as well?
That would depend on how much the uninvolved party actually knows. Even if the uninvolved party knew, it would also depend on if they were the pursuer or the pursuee.
Great point, AudioGuy!
I have a friend who feels that you're only cheating if your SO is unaware of your activities. Or rather, that the cheating is in the lying; as long as everything is out in the open, it's cool. How do you feel about that train of thought?
quote:
Originally posted by isistah:
I have a friend who feels that you're only cheating if your SO is unaware of your activities. Or rather, that the cheating is in the lying; as long as everything is out in the open, it's cool. How do you feel about that train of thought?
If you are taking a test, and you have "crib" notes written on your hand, and the teacher catches you and then says no problem, are you still cheatin'?
I guess it's only cheatin' if your Sig O. doesn't know.
quote:
Originally posted by isistah:
I have a friend who feels that you're only cheating if your SO is unaware of your activities. Or rather, that the cheating is in the lying; as long as everything is out in the open, it's cool. How do you feel about that train of thought?
I agree with your friend. Cheating is only when your partner does not know or is done without their consent. Good examples are wife swaping, swinging and those involved in Polygamy. In all these examples with multiple partners the word cheating does not come up because it is consensual
Cheating is not accidental.
Bumping into a wall is accidental.
Losing your car keys is accidental.
The nether regions aren't car keys.
There is no, Oops, I must have misplaced it again, or, *giggle* How did that get up there?
Bumping into a wall is accidental.
Losing your car keys is accidental.
The nether regions aren't car keys.
There is no, Oops, I must have misplaced it again, or, *giggle* How did that get up there?
nope... Cheating doesn't "Just happen"... Cheaters cheat cause they think they can get away with it. There is nothing "unitntentional" about choosing to take your clothes off, get buck naked, and lay down (or stand up if you're the adventurous type) with somebody OTHER than your S/O.
No, hell no...
quote:Originally posted by AudioGuy:
Do any of you believe that cheating can be accidental? A mistake that was unitentional? An event that can occur with no intent?
Please weigh in - both sisters and brothers.
The feelings that generate the desire to cheat can be unintentional....
The decision to act on them...
is not...
Peace,
Virtue
I don't think cheating is an accidental act. Too many affirmative choices have to be made (where to go, how to cover what you did,...)
I do think that emotions/feelings, are always in some state of flux in most of us. Prolonged "turmoil" in an established relationship can open the door for feelings for others to develop--but even then, we control the rate of development and what we'll do, if anything, wiht those feelings.
I hear the words of the "old folks" ringing in my ears. ..."always take care of home"
I do think that emotions/feelings, are always in some state of flux in most of us. Prolonged "turmoil" in an established relationship can open the door for feelings for others to develop--but even then, we control the rate of development and what we'll do, if anything, wiht those feelings.
I hear the words of the "old folks" ringing in my ears. ..."always take care of home"
hi
It's all malicious and deliberate.
MBM, you instigator! lol
I have cheated, been cheated on, and cheated with. When I initially cheated, I had been heavily under the influence of alcohol, so much so to the point that I blacked out and in the morning could not remember anything. I woke up next to my soon to be new boyfriend (we've been together for a year), and we've been inseparable ever since.
I don't blame my cheating solely on the alcohol, because no one was forcing the stuff down my throat. But I have since thought about it and I came to the conclusion that I was unhappy with the relationship I was in at the time, mostly because it was sort of long distance, limited, and I wasn't getting the satisfaction I needed as a whole.
I think the chance of someone cheating rises dramatically when drugs or alcohol are involved. That's where you have to be careful. Maybe thoses are the instances that you can call accidents, I don't know. Things just so happened to work out in my case, but most people regret it later. As for the people who progress to carrying out long term affairs, (as I had done), it can be very difficult to make the right decision. People in those situations are clearly dissatisfied for whatever reasons. I had to make a choice, and it tore me apart. But in the end I know I did the right thing. Children, longevity, a lingering love, there are so many different reasons why people cheat but still can't find it in themselves to choose one or the other. I don't condone infidelity in the least, but having been in that situation before, I know the complications that arise. I wish I would have saved myself the trouble and made my decision alot sooner.
The whole thing sucks.
As far as that online cheating and flirting as cheating.... Inappropriate sexual remarks and innuendo would be considered by some to be a mild form of cheating. It's a touchy issue. You have to know where the boundaries are.
I have cheated, been cheated on, and cheated with. When I initially cheated, I had been heavily under the influence of alcohol, so much so to the point that I blacked out and in the morning could not remember anything. I woke up next to my soon to be new boyfriend (we've been together for a year), and we've been inseparable ever since.
I don't blame my cheating solely on the alcohol, because no one was forcing the stuff down my throat. But I have since thought about it and I came to the conclusion that I was unhappy with the relationship I was in at the time, mostly because it was sort of long distance, limited, and I wasn't getting the satisfaction I needed as a whole.
I think the chance of someone cheating rises dramatically when drugs or alcohol are involved. That's where you have to be careful. Maybe thoses are the instances that you can call accidents, I don't know. Things just so happened to work out in my case, but most people regret it later. As for the people who progress to carrying out long term affairs, (as I had done), it can be very difficult to make the right decision. People in those situations are clearly dissatisfied for whatever reasons. I had to make a choice, and it tore me apart. But in the end I know I did the right thing. Children, longevity, a lingering love, there are so many different reasons why people cheat but still can't find it in themselves to choose one or the other. I don't condone infidelity in the least, but having been in that situation before, I know the complications that arise. I wish I would have saved myself the trouble and made my decision alot sooner.
The whole thing sucks.
As far as that online cheating and flirting as cheating.... Inappropriate sexual remarks and innuendo would be considered by some to be a mild form of cheating. It's a touchy issue. You have to know where the boundaries are.