Hello people... sorry it's been a while, but finals are kicking my butt.

Anyway here's one to discuss for a while. What counts as cheating? Is it holding hands? Is it kissing or touching? How about sleeping in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter) but not having sex with them? Or is it open to interpretation?
____________ Raylyn- by definition: Raymond's strength "I am America. I am the part you won't recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me." -- Muhammad Ali ____________
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I would say that as a first approximation, if you find yourself going out of your way to hide it from your partner, it's cheating.

The point at which you do this may vary from couple, to couple.

Having said this, I'm sure that somebody will promptly post what I will agree is a counterexample.
Ok, here's a scenario:

It's 2am and you're at your place. You have mixed company and people have been drinking. You have been in a relationship for over a year and you're convinced that you're in love with your significant other. Yet someone of the opposite sex who is at your place is confessing to you his/her interest. You decide to text message your significant other first telling him/her "i love you" and then telling him/her about the situation with the other person. The significant other is irritated by the entire situation.

Thoughts?
That's not cheating...Fist off, You didn't ask for the other person to like you, or to confess to you that they like you. Secondly, you are being honest about the situation right away...

It would only be cheating if you have crossed any romantic emotional intamacy or physical lines with this person.

I only question why you would e-mail your significant other while your still around the other person that has expressed their interest...I personally would have waited until after I was out of the situation to tell my significant other about itm so they wouldn't have to worry about what I was going to do in a compromising situation.
I agree... I guess I should have given a few more details. I wasn't the one in the comprimising situation. I was the aggravated significant other. I'm wondering if maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion as I am sometimes known for over analyzing a situation.

To me it seems that if placed in a compromising situation the only thing to do would be to alleviate the problem. Tell the girl you're in a relationship and ask her to leave your house. But maybe it's not that simple.
In my book OA is correct. That's not cheating. And, I like RicardoMath's definition.

Cheating would be something that YOU have done, not a situation that you find yourself in.

Your SO's irritation no doubt lies in mistrust. Either, he/she does not believe what you said, e.g., you left something out, or he/she is questioning why you had a member of the opposite sex in your place at 2:00a.m.
You aren't "over-analyzing"...you are using the good sense God gave you. I would have been irritated too...From what you said, it sounds like others were present and it was a social situation of friends drinking, In that context I can understand him not kicking the girl out...but he should have definately made it clear ASAP he was not up for grabs and somewhat avoided her the rest of the night. It sounds like he may have been playing some kind of head game by text messaging you @ 2 a.m. about this...because anyone who cared would become jealous given such info...So why would he want to make you feel that way in the middle of the night? It's not like that makes for a good bedtime story!

I say analyze this type of behavior and repsonse some more if it happens repeatedly...You partner should do what they can to make you feel secure...not insecure.
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:

Cheating would be something that YOU have done, not a situation that you find yourself in.

Your SO's irritation no doubt lies in mistrust. Either, he/she does not believe what you said, e.g., you left something out, or he/she is questioning why you had a member of the opposite sex in your place at 2:00a.m.


Ok, so what if the she kissed him? Does that mean that he didn't cheat simply because she kissed him? Is there really a concept of kissing back?

Also you are SO RIGHT. I was VERY interested in knowing the reason that he had company at 2am!
quote:
Originally posted by Raylyn:
Ok, so what if the she kissed him? Does that mean that he didn't cheat simply because she kissed him? Is there really a concept of kissing back?

Also you are SO RIGHT. I was VERY interested in knowing the reason that he had company at 2am!


He's cheating...or about to start.
I'd have to say that if she kissed him, the cheating analysis would have to start with what he did, or didn't do afterwards. For example, they're talking and she reaching across and kisses him, but he backs away and tells her, "Don't go there." Not cheating.

As opposed to they're talking and she reaching across and kisses him and he kisses back - Cheating.

Yes there is a such thing as kissing back.

But not to throw salt ... as OA said, Dude is cheating, has cheated or is about to cheat.

If memory serves, maybe this explains the distance that you've been feeling.
I just have one question: If he was cheating/about to cheat, why would he tell??? It seems to me that he could have done the do, not said a word and you would have been none-the-wiser, but he didn't.

You obviously have not told the whole story. There are some details that have been left out that would be helpful in giving you some feedback. It's up to you whether or not you want to tell "the rest of the story".
Honestly, that's the entire story. It was very random to me too... that's why i wanted to bounce some ideas off of you guys to see what you thought. We've previously had conversations about cheating and how shitty it is, as we've both been cheated on (not by each other) in the past.

He never mentioned anything about her kissing him, I just proposed the situation because the conversation was supposed to be about cheating in general, so I wanted to know how people felt about one person initiating a kiss without the other person's concent and if you all felt that situation constituted as cheating as well.

...And you're definitely right he could have gone ahead and done it. Considering I'm a 3 hour drive away from him I wouldn't have been able to do anything about, and more than likely would have never known anything about the situation. Maybe he was telling me about the situation b/c he wanted our relationship to be very open? I don't know.
quote:
Originally posted by Raylyn:
...Maybe he was telling me about the situation b/c he wanted our relationship to be very open? I don't know.


There is only one way to find out... ASK! I don't know what your relationship is like, but often people don't talk to one another in a honest and constructive manner, and that leads one to interpret what the other is/was thinking... that is a recipe for disaster. If there is something that you don't understand and it really bothers you, ask... don't nag, but definitely ask. JMO.

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