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I pose this question because I just aquired a female friend by default. When I say by default I mean one of the persons in the friendship doesnt find the other sexually attractive. She let me know she was into me like that, but I dont view her that way, I would never sleep with her. I also have had a friendship with a woman before but the roles were reversed. I feel thats the ONLY way a man and woman can be friends. Im just wondering if anybody has expierinced the opposite where both people find eachother attractive but only remain friends, without going to that next level?
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I HAD A MALE FRIEND WHEN I WAS IN NEW YORK, AND WE WERE VERY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER BUT WE NEVER TOOK IT PAST OUR FRIENDSHIP. HE WAS MARRIED, AND I HAD A BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME, AND EVERYTIME WE WERE TOGETHER THE SEXUAL TENSION WAS ALMOST UNBEARABLE, AND EVERYBODY TOLD US THEY KNEW, BUT WE KNEW THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG TO TAKE IT TO A COMPLICATED LEVEL. WE ARE STILL FRIENDS TODAY, AND SPEAK OFF AND ON. HE IS STILL MARRIED TO THE SAME WOMAN, AND I AM MARRIED NOW. WE HAVE BEEN "JUST" FRIENDS NOW FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
Peace...



quote:
Originally posted by BoneCrusher:
i beleive that its a subjective thing because one slip, one relaxed evening, one fight with someone else.. and you are not friends, but become lovers.. and its just that more intense if you have been friends.. there will always be that under current of tension.. and there is a thin line that could break anytime..



yeah


One silly episode of mock wrestling..and it is over...



Kai
I have to co-sign on this, too. It would've been so much easier if every female friend I'd had looked like the Grinch or Gollum from LOTR, just to take out the physical/sexual attraction...and even then she may have an attractive personality.

But physically, I won't be attracted to them. IMHO, if I (by some twist of fate) was introduced to like Halle Berry or Salma Hayek, there's no way in hell that I could just be their friend.
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quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Yes she can. In fact I actually prefer that she be just a friend. Less stress in my life. Big Grin


So you prefer to be Halle's, Salma's or Tyra's friend...Hmm...have you been drinking? 20


lol

Maaannnn all three of those chicks are on the precipice of "Girl Interupted". Fine as all hell but a french fry short of a complete happy meal. Big Grin
yes .....but it's easier if one or both are involved with other people.

I think, however, if a man and woman are truly good friends and that vibe is strong, at some point somebody's attraction (usually the man's) is going to grow, causing them to think "what would this look/feel like at the next level?"

they may choose to do nothing about it, but if the friendship is deep enough somebody is thinking about it.
Honestly, I have been friends with a number of women for a long period of time. The reason why this doesn't seem to be a problem is because we've been friends for such a long time. We were friends before the issue of attraction was even an issue. If you have friends that long then yes you can have a non sexual relationship with a woman.
i had that once when i was in college i had a crush on a guy but i felt that he dont have any feeling 4 me so we stayed friends since that time and after a period of time i realize that my feeling wasn,t true and he,s just a friends and nothing but that ..
my point is that sometimes we feel somethings toward eachother and it comes out of our needs 2 feel love and affection and that,s why we feel that we may have a crush on some ppl but soemtimes it turns out 2 be n,t true ..

coz true love is n,t an easy thing..
quote:
Originally posted by TruthSeeker:
I think, however, if a man and woman are truly good friends and that vibe is strong, at some point somebody's attraction (usually the man's) is going to grow, causing them to think "what would this look/feel like at the next level?"

they may choose to do nothing about it, but if the friendship is deep enough somebody is thinking about it.


almost everyone of my male friendships reached this point...

with the exception of the few where there was absolutely no energy coming in either direction.... but then we didn't remain friends long....


I mean this is so basic to me.... whenever you invest time and energy especially emotionally into someone.... in most humans, deeper feelings are going to develop....

which is why I say No....

eventually the woman will no longer be a friend... she will become someone you desire.... you may not act on it... you may not admit it... but the feelings will be there....

and vice versa.... male friends are an automatic cut off once I'm married.... my husband never has to say a word....
quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
Yes...you just have to decide what is more important...the friendship or satisfying the sexual desires and maybe destroying a friendship.

To me people who say that the "sexual" attraction made it impossible to be friends were probably not truly friends to begin with


yeah There are all kinds of relationships-family, friends, intimate....all are categorized for a reason and no one should ever step over the line...when you do you have incest, a booty call and a broken heart. Why should an important relationship be destroyed over sex? You can get sex when you can't get food.

I have a lot of close male friends I grew up with who protected me through the awkward years of public school and college and are now the godfathers to my children. In fact my very first "friend" was male.

My male friends have always given me that male "spin" on life that I see with female eyes....there was only one time the line was almost crossed...we loved each other so much it hurt and thought if we went to the next level it would seal what we felt for each other-WRONG! As we got closer and the hot breathing began...the phone rang! My heart jumped and it was then I knew we almost made the mistake of a lifetime....years later, we are still best friends...we married different people and were in each other's wedding....had I disconnect the phone line [which I started to do] we would not be FRIENDS FOR LIFE today.fro
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
I pose this question because I just aquired a female friend by default. When I say by default I mean one of the persons in the friendship doesnt find the other sexually attractive. She let me know she was into me like that, but I dont view her that way, I would never sleep with her. I also have had a friendship with a woman before but the roles were reversed. I feel thats the ONLY way a man and woman can be friends. Im just wondering if anybody has expierinced the opposite where both people find eachother attractive but only remain friends, without going to that next level?


NO!
I CAN be your friend without having a sexual relationship. I had a VERY good guy friend back in the day that I would not have dreamed of sleeping with although he was attractive. I also, currently, have a fine a$$ brown friend that I will never sleep with. We became friends by accident as well. He is attracted to me and always makes little suggestive comments but I let those comments go in one ear and out of the other. I have no desire to do the thing with him although he is a very desirable man. For me, its about will power and as MidLifeMan said, you have to decide what's more important. His friendship is more important to me than exploring his nice, toned, brown, smooth body.......LOL
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
I CAN be your friend without having a sexual relationship. I had a VERY good guy friend back in the day that I would not have dreamed of sleeping with although he was attractive. I also, currently, have a fine a$$ brown friend that I will never sleep with. We became friends by accident as well. He is attracted to me and always makes little suggestive comments but I let those comments go in one ear and out of the other. I have no desire to do the thing with him although he is a very desirable man. For me, its about will power and as MidLifeMan said, you have to decide what's more important. His friendship is more important to me than exploring his nice, toned, brown, smooth body.......LOL


Sounds like your post proves the thought behind the thread question. While you have no problem keeping it platonic, ole boy, it seems, would go to the next level in a minute if the opportunity presented itself.
quote:
Originally posted by TruthSeeker:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
I CAN be your friend without having a sexual relationship. I had a VERY good guy friend back in the day that I would not have dreamed of sleeping with although he was attractive. I also, currently, have a fine a$$ brown friend that I will never sleep with. We became friends by accident as well. He is attracted to me and always makes little suggestive comments but I let those comments go in one ear and out of the other. I have no desire to do the thing with him although he is a very desirable man. For me, its about will power and as MidLifeMan said, you have to decide what's more important. His friendship is more important to me than exploring his nice, toned, brown, smooth body.......LOL


Sounds like your post proves the thought behind the thread question. While you have no problem keeping it platonic, ole boy, it seems, would go to the next level in a minute if the opportunity presented itself.


Maybe........And because I felt like he might want to at one point, I started quietly embedding some rules around our friendship. I mean, it use to be ok for him to come over when he and his girl had a fight.....until he smacked me on the ass on the way out the door that last time. Soooo.....no more rebound, cry on my shoulder visits. Call me and lets talk about it.
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
I CAN be your friend without having a sexual relationship. I had a VERY good guy friend back in the day that I would not have dreamed of sleeping with although he was attractive. I also, currently, have a fine a$$ brown friend that I will never sleep with. We became friends by accident as well. He is attracted to me and always makes little suggestive comments but I let those comments go in one ear and out of the other. I have no desire to do the thing with him although he is a very desirable man. For me, its about will power and as MidLifeMan said, you have to decide what's more important. His friendship is more important to me than exploring his nice, toned, brown, smooth body.......LOL


well, that sounds like a forced friendship.. if he is interested in you, then it's not a complete friendship...therefore men and women cannot be just friends....at least not in the way the male/male or female/female friendship is defined.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
I CAN be your friend without having a sexual relationship. I had a VERY good guy friend back in the day that I would not have dreamed of sleeping with although he was attractive. I also, currently, have a fine a$$ brown friend that I will never sleep with. We became friends by accident as well. He is attracted to me and always makes little suggestive comments but I let those comments go in one ear and out of the other. I have no desire to do the thing with him although he is a very desirable man. For me, its about will power and as MidLifeMan said, you have to decide what's more important. His friendship is more important to me than exploring his nice, toned, brown, smooth body.......LOL


well, that sounds like a forced friendship.. if he is interested in you, then it's not a complete friendship...therefore men and women cannot be just friends....at least not in the way the male/male or female/female friendship is defined.


I wouldn't say its FORCED. LOL We have a good friendship and I'm pretty sure he values it as much as I do.

I guess you're right, though, because its not the SAME as the friendship that I have with my best girl friend. I mean, there are some things that I just would not tell a guy-friend, lover, whatever!
I'm not sure. I do believe you can be great coworkers, good neighbors, acquaintences...but friends?

That electrifying undercurrent is always there, even if you're in committed relationships...

that

ever so fleeting thought of
"I wonder if he's wearing boxers or briefs today?"

which you would never even entertain about your same sex friends... I remain unconcerned with Debra Ann's drawers

makes it fraught with danger...

but i suppose if both are single, it don't matter.

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