http://www.washingtonpost.com/...?sid=ST2009120904680





and the HuffPost commentary: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...ack-au_n_387326.html



The Wash Post link is an interesting editorial on an upcoming book by Helena Andrews. I'm not altogether impressed by her comfort with being defined as "mean" or "bitchy", but she makes some salient observations -  particularly that AA women have been branded as strong... and nothing else. Just strong. And it is a fallacy.


I wish there was more engagement of that dangerous fallacy, particularly in light of the increase in female AA suicides and feelings of sometimes overwhelmingly loneliness.


The last paragraph of this editorial says it all:  "The homeboys on the sidewalk part like a sea to make room for her. A man rolls down the window and asks her to buy him a car. And she smiles. She turns around and smiles again. He has no idea who she is. "


It's been a loooooooong time since Sojourner Truth wrote "Ain't I a Woman?" but it seems societally, not much has changed. Aren't we worth protecting, too? What happened to our courtship language such that a man asking "can you buy me a car" became the standard? Will the AA female ever reach a societal turning point where the man's first thought is "One day, I'd like to buy you a car (and the sun, and the moon, and ______)."?
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his nationalism depends upon him not understanding it...
Original Post
Quote bt Shulmate: "What happened to our courtship language such that a man asking "can you buy me a car" became the standard? Will the AA female ever reach a societal turning point where the man's first thought is "One day, I'd like to buy you a car (and the sun, and the moon, and ______)."?

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Wasn't that the language ("one day, I'd like to buy you a car and the sun and the moon and ______) the standard prior to the shift in relationships where as now just dating someone automatically requires you, (in her mind, at some point) to buy her a car, pay her bills and pay her rent (and she has a job) and you don't even have to be living together with that person, have a child or be engaged pending marriage?



What happened to the couples' usual day out; the mall visit window shopping walk though when a guy knows that he will end up watching her tryin' on stuff and he will buy her something before he exits those mall doors, then a movie, then dinner, clubbin'...........?


I was waiting in line at the grocery store behind these two young White people (both early 20's) and the girl got her groceries scanned. The bill amount came to over $250.00 and the guy paid it with a credit card. The grocery clerk asked " are you too married? And the girl said, "no, we just recently met three weeks ago". And then the guy paid in cash for his one item: a single pack of razor blades.



Why are young men (and women) buying and getting in additional debt with big ticket items and the weekly/bi-weekly/monthly re-occuring purchases (hair maintenance, nails, food, child care, bill pay etc) when that woman (or man) has a well paying job and she can fully support herself?



Is that being a strong woman?



And i'll guess that that White girl probably has a job and/or a child that wasn't his. They just recently met and he now has to have an additional household financial plan, besides his own to take care of himself, just to date someone he just met?



Where did/does this way of thinking in the minds of today's women about the rules & boundries of relationships, "dating me" come from and why do young men accept it?



It kinda like walking into some woman's apartment and if you were to ask where all this nice stuff came from, it probably was all separately purchased by the different men that she dated (TV, fridge, bedroom, dinette set, sofa, appliances etc)


Am I missing something or am I just getting this totally wrong?
Okaayyyy, but I thought that this was about urban, black, college educated women?? One of the problems the author is having is that, IMO, she lives in Washington DC. which is know widely for its sizable black gay male population. I've heard this from too many black people including some of the gay bros who live in the city. The sister needs to relocate where her odds are better for finding a straight husband or boyfriend.
Secondly, its not for white people to grasp the concept of the new AA male-female relationship dynamic. They need to stay in their lane.
Finally, this book got snatched up so quickly for movie rights... lol I don't see it being a block buster, but the heads of the company thought that its about black women so it MUST be a guaranteed best seller! LOL That goes along with the 'white people don't get us' comment! LOL

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