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http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/118_dating_advice.html

If you want to know how women really choose men, don't bother asking a woman.
True, when it comes to relationships, women are in charge of the selection process because they control access to sexuality -- they let men "in" -- so you'd think they'd know exactly why and how they choose their partners. But the problem is, women lie. They lie to men; they lie to themselves (and they are perfectly capable of believing their own lies).

If you ask any woman what she's looking for in a man, she'll come out with a long list of ennobling qualities: a sense of humor; a guy who's nice to her and treats her well; good values; a strong moral character, etc.

Uh huh. Right. And she'll leave footprints all over Mr. Sense of Humor as she scrambles to be first in line when an arrogant, philandering, single doctor roars up in his Ferrari.


woman, please...

Let's be honest -- if women really chose men based on what they say they're looking for, then every nice, average guy out there would be besieged with females trying to go out with him. But nice, average guys generally stay home on the weekends with a date from the back room of the local video store.
Many women lie. They are experts at self-deceit because if they ever admitted to themselves what they really want from men, then they'd be forced to acknowledge that they don't really want a "nice" guy.

The most important reality a man can understand about female behavior is this: never pay attention to what a woman says -- watch what she actually does .


truth is in her actions

And what does she actually do? When it comes to choosing men, she heads straight for the cash. What women want most from men -- and therefore the criterion most significant to them in selecting a mate -- is money.
For the majority of women, dating and marriage are businesses. Women marry up, not down. A man will marry a woman who scrubs the floor at a slaughterhouse if she's nice and pretty enough -- but if she's nice and she's pretty and she's working at the slaughterhouse, you can rest assured she's there because she's got her eye on the owner of the company.

When a woman says all the good ones are taken, she means all the ones with money. The man who changes her oil or checks her groceries might very well be a great guy capable of loving her dearly, but she wouldn't even consider him as a potential suitor because he doesn't have enough earning power.

Some women are blatant about their mercenary choices, openly choosing men with substantial material assets that they can sex-ploit . But most are subconscious hypocrites, screening out less successful men without admitting it to themselves. They publicly announce that all they want is a nice guy, but privately disregard any men who don't meet their elevated standards for money, success, and status.

In one breath they proclaim, "I don't care how much money a man makes. I can make my own money," and in the next, "But whoever I date has to have a status (read: money) job." All other men without this "status job," no matter how nice, intelligent or funny, will be ignored.

The flagrant hypocrisy is brushed under the carpet. The only reason a woman will choose a man without money is if he's on the fast track to a high-earning career -- she views this as an investment of her time and a payment plan for the use of her female goods.

Clinical studies, conducted by Robert Trivers et al., show that women value financial prospects about twice as highly as men do, having higher standards regarding financial prospects at all stages of a relationship. In fact, in any given year, American men who marry generally earn 50% more money than men of the same age who do not marry.


woman want status

Women place a high value on a good education, the assurance of a promising career, and ambition, all of which indicate potential for making money. The socioeconomic status of males has a decisive influence on female sexual response at all levels of intimacy, even offsetting male unattractiveness. In one study, college women were shown photographs of handsome and homely men in three different attires:

Blazer, shirt, designer tie, and Rolex watch (these men were described as doctors)
Plain white shirt (these men were described as teachers)
Uniform of a Burger King employee.
The women viewed the photographs with their descriptions and stated their willingness to engage in relationships with the men. The study found that the women were significantly more willing to engage in relationships with high status/homely males than with either the medium or low status, handsome males.

So money -- or the assurance of money in the future -- is the single most significant criterion in how women choose men. The blame for this phenomenon lies in our society -- a society which promotes female arrogance and the manipulation of men; a society which panders to females across the board.

In a day and age when women are screaming about equal rights, can there be any excuse for the hypocrisy of female mercenary behavior? When women earn as much -- or more -- than men, why should guys be forced to hand over their hard-earned cash to women? And why should men allow themselves to be chosen primarily on their ability to earn?


men love sex

The reason is simple: because men want sex, they let women get away with this -- giving free rein to female sex-ploitation . Men are brought up by their mothers to cater to women, to bring them flowers, to hold open doors, to act as chauffeurs -- and to pay for access to sex.
Most women will not allow access to that sex unless the man has first shelled out quite of bit of money for drinks, dinners, entertainment, etc. A woman expects a free ride just because she is biologically female; she expects men to pay for sex. She will vehemently deny this. But she chooses men in the first place precisely because of their ability to pay.

This is wrong. Dating should be about partnership, not a whore/john relationship. It should be about two people getting together because they like each other and enjoy each other's company, not because a man is paying for a woman's time. Women need to learn to respect men, not use them and ruthlessly sex-ploit them.

But if male-female relationships are going to change for the better, it's entirely up to us to enforce the change. If we stop paying for women, then women will be forced to choose us for qualities other than the size of our wallets.
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aaah life in your 20's laugh

I'm sure it's hard for some to believe I'm saying this, but I sure am glad I'm in my 40's! tfro

Yes, there are still games and playas, but overall, both genders have had a bit of life experience, built a personality, and I date men instead of boys, amen(!!) A little boy inside the man is fine, but you get my drift...

IMHO... in your 30's and 40's there are two distinct groups of women. Women who are still dating, dating, dating... and women who have had at least one long term relationship with a man and moved OUT of the male=date routine. These women LIKE TO SHARE and that means spontaneously shouting (Aust. term=paying for) their men on occasion, because they enjoy their company, not because they HAVE to. Men aren't 'the other side' - men are men. Friends, lovers, playas, good guys, bad guys.

Other women (usually who have only ever dated not had any long-term live in male relationships with a significant other) still expect every single 'interaction' to be paid for by the male. That to me is just childish and ungenerous. Women have jobs and independence... why the heck shouldn't they pay some of the time when they feel like it?

I laugh when I read 'dating over 30 is like WHOA>>>>' lol there is life after 30, and 40...!! There are lots of men and women who are more SELECTIVE than desperate when they ease toward 30 or 40 believe me. Big Grin

To still be debating who pays is like... I'm glad I've been there and gotten outta there. Wink bump
.
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quote:
Men are brought up by their mothers to cater to women, to bring them flowers, to hold open doors, to act as chauffeurs -- and to pay for access to sex.
Most women will not allow access to that sex unless the man has first shelled out quite of bit of money for drinks, dinners, entertainment, etc. A woman expects a free ride just because she is biologically female; she expects men to pay for sex. She will vehemently deny this. But she chooses men in the first place precisely because of their ability to pay.


I find the above just plain nasty.

I think mothers try their best to bring up sons to respect females. The worst 'crime' mothers of sons commit is to spoil them rotten, forever pick up after them and indugle bad behaviour. Spoilt little boys can grow up into lazy arrogant men.

Men... if you think the woman you're with is only interested in the size of your... wallet, then open your mouth and say "let's go dutch on this?" and see what happens...
If she then gets up to leave then do you decide a) too bad but I'm better off without her anyway... b) she wasn't that hot anyway, or, c) run after her because she's drop-dead gorgeous, waving your wallet in the air?
lol
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quote:
In one study, college women were shown photographs of handsome and homely men in three different attires:

- Blazer, shirt, designer tie, and Rolex watch (these men were described as doctors)
- Plain white shirt (these men were described as teachers)
- Uniform of a Burger King employee.

The women viewed the photographs with their descriptions and stated their willingness to engage in relationships with the men.



lol I want to see the equivalent pics of women shown to men...

- Designer suit, shirt, and Rolex watch (these women were described as gold-digging and mercenary)
- Plain white shirt (these women were described as office workers or librarians)
- Uniform of a Burger King employee (seen as ambitious gold-diggers with their eye on the store manager)
- Stilettos, thong, tassles, uniform of a stripper/pole-dancer.

men... cast your votes please!
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
quote:
In one study, college women were shown photographs of handsome and homely men in three different attires:

- Blazer, shirt, designer tie, and Rolex watch (these men were described as doctors)
- Plain white shirt (these men were described as teachers)
- Uniform of a Burger King employee.

The women viewed the photographs with their descriptions and stated their willingness to engage in relationships with the men.



lol I want to see the equivalent pics of women shown to men...

- Designer suit, shirt, and Rolex watch (these women were described as gold-digging and mercenary)
- Plain white shirt (these women were described as office workers or librarians)
- Uniform of a Burger King employee (seen as ambitious gold-diggers with their eye on the store manager)
- Stilettos, thong, tassles, uniform of a stripper/pole-dancer.

men... cast your votes please!


VOTE? laugh lol
art_gurl, you know damn well we guys don't care what type of clothes a woman wears to work. We don't care if you're wearing clothes on or not. For me, if she happens to look like Beyonce, Halle, Salma Hayek or Vida Guerra, it doesn't matter one iota what type of clothes they're wearing. They all could be wearing suits of armor and still, hitit!!
I THINK A WOMAN CHOOSES THE MAN SHE DATES, BY THE WAY HE TREATS HER WHEN THEY FIRST MEET. I THINK I CAN SPEAK FOR A FEW WOMEN WHEN I SAY, THERE ARE TOO MANY "DOGS" OUT THERE, AND A WOMAN REALLY WANTS A GOOD MAN. A WOMAN WANTS THE CHARMING, ROMANTIC, SENSITIVE TYPE, BUT I THINK MOST WOMEN JUST WANT TO FIND LOVE, PEACE, AND HAPPINESS. THEY WANT SOMEONE TO TREAT THEM IN THE RIGHT WAY. I TRY TO TELL SOME OF THE MALE FRIENDS THAT I HAVE WHEN THEY HAVE PROBLEMS IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP, THAT THEY HAVE TO THINK OF THEMSELVES AS HER, AND IF THEY KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH, THEY WILL BE ABLE TO SORVE ANY PROBLEM THAT ARISES. A WOMAN NEEDS UNDERSTANDING,AND COMMUNICATION, BUT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO LOVE. I THINK EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO BE LOVED. THE PROBLEM IS FINDING THE RIGHT MAN TO LOVE. THAT ONE PERSON THAT CAN BRING YOU JOY. FOR THE GUYS, SHE IS OUT THERE, AND FOR MY SISTAS, THE RIGHT MAN IS THERE READY TO BE FOUND...YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS INNER SELF. HE/SHE MAY BE RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES, YOU JUST HAVE TO OPEN THEM WIDE TO SEE.
quote:
If you ask any woman what she's looking for in a man, she'll come out with a long list of ennobling qualities: a sense of humor; a guy who's nice to her and treats her well; good values; a strong moral character, etc.

Uh huh. Right. And she'll leave footprints all over Mr. Sense of Humor as she scrambles to be first in line when an arrogant, philandering, single doctor roars up in his Ferrari.

I truly do not believe that all women are mercenaries. But, there are soooo many mercenaries! And they're always out in front exposing themselves for what they are with their choice words as well as men.

I always laugh when a woman I just met asks me what I do for a living, as if it was any of her business. Then I ask if she would just like to cut to the chase and review my W-2. lol

I can't afford a mercenary. I'd rather take myself shopping.
quote:
VOTE?
art_gurl, you know damn well we guys don't care what type of clothes a woman wears to work. We don't care if you're wearing clothes on or not.

don't I know that Big Grin
just having a bit of fun flipping stereotypes - as if women are going to point at the burger uniform and say 'I want that' Roll Eyes

...but I am waiting for some takers to answer the 'wave your wallet' question....hmmmm?
quote:
Uh huh. Right. And she'll leave footprints all over Mr. Sense of Humor as she scrambles to be first in line when an arrogant, philandering, single doctor roars up in his Ferrari.


this is dreadful (and totally untrue of course) but it is funny... laugh
I think Taffy should aspire to writing more humourous anecdotes like these rather than autobio-life misery-stories.
.
quote:
Originally posted by donna529:
A WOMAN REALLY WANTS A GOOD MAN. A WOMAN WANTS THE CHARMING, ROMANTIC, SENSITIVE TYPE.


I disagree. This is what women probably want as they become older (and maybe less attractive) ...when they are not hit on as much. When the woman is young and hot, the charming, romantic, sensitive type is not #1 on her list.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
quote:
Originally posted by donna529:
A WOMAN REALLY WANTS A GOOD MAN. A WOMAN WANTS THE CHARMING, ROMANTIC, SENSITIVE TYPE.


I disagree. This is what women probably want as they become older (and maybe less attractive) ...when they are not hit on as much. When the woman is young and hot, the charming, romantic, sensitive type is not #1 on her list.


it depends if sensitive=intelligent and something to say. Older does not = less attractive Roll Eyes It means lack of patience with wannabe men.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
This was cute....

I guess men dont lie, huh? Confused

Men dont care about status? Or use women for sex?

Confused


Men lie, women lie better.
Men care about status because women care about status...because men use status to get sex because women use sex to control men....because men cheat...though not all men cheat but most women still control sex...except they can't control a man that says NO but most men say YES, and leave the sexual power in the woman's hands. Done.

So, if you are a man, and would like sexual balance, say no every once in a while! It works.
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
quote:
Originally posted by donna529:
A WOMAN REALLY WANTS A GOOD MAN. A WOMAN WANTS THE CHARMING, ROMANTIC, SENSITIVE TYPE.


I disagree. This is what women probably want as they become older (and maybe less attractive) ...when they are not hit on as much. When the woman is young and hot, the charming, romantic, sensitive type is not #1 on her list.


it depends if sensitive=intelligent and something to say. Older does not = less attractive Roll Eyes It means lack of patience with wannabe men.


No, you are right, older doesn't mean less attractive... but women think so. Very few times have I heard a woman say she feels more attractive at an older age, say 35 than she did at 25. It's not lack of patience with wannabemen, it's that there are newer younger models out there, and unfortunately for women, guys want them. Wannabemen have always been around. The reality is that her options are getting smaller so ...charm, romance, and sensitivity...moves up the priority list.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
This was cute....

I guess men dont lie, huh? Confused

Men dont care about status? Or use women for sex?

Confused


Exacly! I was reading this post thinking the same thing. When are they going to come up with the study that shows what men look for when marrying. Most likely it will be the same things they claim we are looking for...

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