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quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
The person who sent me this email is one of the people who is on a mission to "heal my heart" and make me see the good that I may be missing. The sentiment was sweet, but I will never - EVER - let anyone close enough to hurt me again. Those days are long gone. Even so, I will love Brothers until the day I day even though I don't understand why love was/is never reciprocated.


Sandye ...

This is precisely why, before it's over, you are going to find the perfect man to live and grow old with! Smile I can just feel it.

The man you will have will indeed be able to get close to you, simply because the way in which he loves you will not allow him to hurt you. And once you recognize that ... and that in him ... it will be all systems go! Smile

It's not that you will be keeping him at arm's distance, it's that he will be at arm's distance because that's as close as he can get to you. And that will be close enough for him.

Until one day, those arms will just slide around his neck instead. heart


Very beautifully said. I love it. Gives hope for all the people who hold someone that they want to be close to so far away. Just think one day those same arms pushing him/her away will be pulling them closer. Hum gives you something to think about Smile
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Got this from a good friend, thought I would pass it along.

"A Good Black Man"

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls and the halls at work. Most we can't see because we don't know what a good Black man really looks like. He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or drive a Lexus. He might not have a "body like Tyson with a Denzel face." But, as you mature, you realize it's better to find someone who has your back than someone who turns your head.

A good Black Man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, yada yada he is (he won't have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and you may clash, but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same!

A good Black Man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes.

He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don't live to "catch" him doing something wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew you were a dog!!"

A good Black Man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don't judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy tale.

You'll miss out on your destiny by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It's just not true. Black Men, we salute you, and thank you for who you are and all you've done.


very interesting post.

This was a radio show topic for the relationship counselor Audrey Chapman show on Howard Univ. radio saturday morning. She says that if women are looking for a good man, she needs to be a good woman first.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Another piece extolling the virtues of the Black man written by a Black woman. I wonder if there is a companion "Good Black Woman" piece written by a man. Not effing likely. I'd like to see the piece about women who don't turn heads, don't meet every item on a man's checklist, don't necessarily cook/clean/pamper/have sex with you because she is 'comfortable' showing her love in other ways and how Black men salute and thank that behavior.

It really raises my blood pressure to see this tired-ass theme of "You just aren't recognizing the good men out there because you have your eyes fixed on finding some flashy celebrity type." Some of us are older than 12 and aren't looking for a man wearing a shitload of tacky jewelry and driving some ridiculously obnoxious car with diamond hubcaps and whatever other nonsense. Furthermore, even broke, simple-minded, underachievers will treat you like crap when they get ready to, so it's not like you can save yourself a world of trouble by exclusively dating manual laborers or some other unglamorous position in life. The only fairy tale is whatever world this lady is living in that she sees good Black men under every rock and all around her. I'd like some of what she's smoking.

Black women continue to, at their core, have all the faith in the world in Black men. Always have. We go to our blasted graves single.

I think I'll scream if I see another piece castigating Black women for being single ("don't judge him because he was only 'comfortable' giving you a blade of grass for your birthday!" "you're just not looking hard enough! have you checked out the prison system??" etc). Men out there really and truly believe that if they just got the opportunity to be alone with her and sharpened their skills enough, they have a realistic chance of marrying Halle Berry. THAT is a set of people that need a talking to about living in Fantasy Land. Meanwhile, if a Black woman has any sort of aspirations for a man even a small step above "Kwazimoto, The Hump-Backed Day Laborer," she is being ridiculously picky and living in a fairy tale world and that's why she's single and she doesn't appreciate Black men.

Ugh, please. Roll Eyes

(Nothing against you, Sandye. Don't want you to feel like I'm shooting the messenger! kiss)


very interesting comments.

what's wrong with a blade of grass for Valentine's day?? At least he remembered Confused

j/k

I feel you comments and hope that all improves for you and others in your situation.
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Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
What im confused about is, How do we turn this situation around.........or do men actually care? I dont know.... Frown


Our young brothers need as much exposure as possible to models of adult men who have a positive conception of manhood. They need intense instructional training in discipline, responsibility, character, and social interaction. Too many of our young brothers, in educational settings, for example, are not getting the benefit of having meaningful relationships with quality men. There is too much interaction women and girls. All day long, they see models of women in positions of authority, everyone from the principal on down to the teacher's aide. Never any men. That is not good. Then they have to go home and be bossed around by their mother (another women in authority) and no father. And consequently, these boys are left to find out for themselves what constitutes manhood by studying the models of manhood seen in rap videos, television, and movies. By the time they reach the age of the man that I am currently dating, that is, if they make it to his age, they are lucky if they still have positve attitudes about life, themselves, and women. Some Black men have developed hostile attitudes towards Black women because all their lives they have been bossed around by them. That is why women representing other races seem more attractive and inviting. Ultimately, the solutions are the very same discussed in this year's Millions More Movement, more interaction with positive, aspring brothers, and more people contributing to their personal development(e.g., Black male teachers, mentors, and fathers).


also, it must be noted that black girls/young women in those same classes are not pursing relationships with those young boys/men. At those ages, black girls/women are VERY VERY attracted to bad boy thugs and those types of men dominate their dating lives for the first decade or so. The men the women are describing as 'good black men' aren't 'dating material' when those women are in their 20's, yet 'marriage material' when they reach 30. How can you be 'marriage material' and not 'dating material'. Even at the best colleges on this nation, you'll find more black women fans of 50 cent than of a black male student on their campus. These are facts...which all boils down to 'choices'. Please note that if more black women were actually pursuing men like the ones described here, there would actually be a more benefits to being like that in the Black society, i.e. educated, positive, professional, etc...other than personal growth.
Don't apologise you certainly speak for me as well I was with one 9 years then we had the talk--- yeh I talk and he laughed after 9 years he finally realised I was not good enough for him and what he want is a piece of white trash
Oh he got his white trash and she took his ass for a ride now he call me to sing the blues.
Black men want black women if they look like movie stars but if not they want white .
If they down and out and the white broards don't want them that's when they run down our doorsteps. like O.J. Simpson they will get what they deserve
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Another piece extolling the virtues of the Black man written by a Black woman. I wonder if there is a companion "Good Black Woman" piece written by a man. Not effing likely. I'd like to see the piece about women who don't turn heads, don't meet every item on a man's checklist, don't necessarily cook/clean/pamper/have sex with you because she is 'comfortable' showing her love in other ways and how Black men salute and thank that behavior.

It really raises my blood pressure to see this tired-ass theme of "You just aren't recognizing the good men out there because you have your eyes fixed on finding some flashy celebrity type." Some of us are older than 12 and aren't looking for a man wearing a shitload of tacky jewelry and driving some ridiculously obnoxious car with diamond hubcaps and whatever other nonsense. Furthermore, even broke, simple-minded, underachievers will treat you like crap when they get ready to, so it's not like you can save yourself a world of trouble by exclusively dating manual laborers or some other unglamorous position in life. The only fairy tale is whatever world this lady is living in that she sees good Black men under every rock and all around her. I'd like some of what she's smoking.

Black women continue to, at their core, have all the faith in the world in Black men. Always have. We go to our blasted graves single.

I think I'll scream if I see another piece castigating Black women for being single ("don't judge him because he was only 'comfortable' giving you a blade of grass for your birthday!" "you're just not looking hard enough! have you checked out the prison system??" etc). Men out there really and truly believe that if they just got the opportunity to be alone with her and sharpened their skills enough, they have a realistic chance of marrying Halle Berry. THAT is a set of people that need a talking to about living in Fantasy Land. Meanwhile, if a Black woman has any sort of aspirations for a man even a small step above "Kwazimoto, The Hump-Backed Day Laborer," she is being ridiculously picky and living in a fairy tale world and that's why she's single and she doesn't appreciate Black men.

Ugh, please. Roll Eyes

(Nothing against you, Sandye. Don't want you to feel like I'm shooting the messenger! kiss)
That's such a bunch of bullshit , black men will take up with nasty white trash and work their ass off to keep that bitch in diamonds, the same man take up with a black woman and he expect her to understand it's tough to make a living out there.
She will buss her ass to make a home for him and he will screw around with the white trash anyway Good man my rear !!!
I salute black men who stick to their own like Will Smith , fine boy that one , nice little girl he marry , his mama must be proud of that boy !!!
quote:
Originally posted by SistahSouljah:
quote:
very interesting post.

This was a radio show topic for the relationship counselor Audrey Chapman show on Howard Univ. radio saturday morning. She says that if women are looking for a good man, she needs to be a good woman first.


thanks tfro appl And can I get an amen....
quote:
Originally posted by Annie:
That's such a bunch of bullshit , black men will take up with nasty white trash and work their ass off to keep that bitch in diamonds, the same man take up with a black woman and he expect her to understand it's tough to make a living out there.
She will buss her ass to make a home for him and he will screw around with the white trash anyway Good man my rear !!!
I salute black men who stick to their own like Will Smith , fine boy that one , nice little girl he marry , his mama must be proud of that boy !!!
quote:
Originally posted by SistahSouljah:
quote:
very interesting post.

This was a radio show topic for the relationship counselor Audrey Chapman show on Howard Univ. radio saturday morning. She says that if women are looking for a good man, she needs to be a good woman first.


thanks tfro appl And can I get an amen....


Taffy? Is that you? bump

What makes you think respect is a one-way street? Are you saying that a woman can be scandalous and still expect her man to treat her right because she deserves it?? Gimme a break.
Annie - such a white name don't ya think???

Well, there are good men, nasty men, and assholes, but what is terminally MORE BORING than any of these men behaving badly is women who SPEAK FOR MEN!! Gimme a break.

Men have their reasons. The world isn't flat. And for your info, I just cannot imagine a black man saying - after 9 years - "listen honey, I want white trash so you and I are OVER." lol
OMG!
I JUST DON'T BUY IT HONEY - AND I AM WHITE! So don't bore me to death like you have your black man - which is probably the real reason he wanted out.

If it took you 9 years to realise he was fucking on the side - then YOU are fucking stupid, not him.

How about the MEN on the forum respond to this one? Know many men who are even remotely likely/stupid enough to have a conversation like the one above??????? I don't THINK SO!!
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art_gurl, I'm sure there are several threads and posts on this site (in addition to magazine articles, books, etc in the mainstream media) about Black men spending the lean years with a Black woman and then getting the idea to "trade up" (in their minds) with a white women once they are more financially stable/prosperous or get a self-esteem boost. It is part of the conditioning that anything white is right. It's not a strange concept and something most of us on this board have proabably seen happen to someone we know. No, the man is not likely to say he is specifically looking for white trash, but it's not unheard of to take up with a white woman of fewer accomplishments or less education or intellect or whatever the case may be.
Amen !!
For a while there I thought I was the only one who had this experience
No he didn't say "honey what I want is white " but two days after we split I saw him with her !!!
That person that said I am stupid for not knowing should go back and read what I wrote I did not say he was screwing around , it so happen he wasn't but I wanted a more permanent relationship , I got bored of being introduced as his "old lady" that's why we had the talk not because he was screwing around !!!
I can apreciate your anger and your accusation of racism but you really ought to ask questions before you ass--u---me!!

That is a bad place to be!!
As for booring you that doesn't take much to boor you considering your attention span!!
Let me ask you this "what are you doing here ? this is for blacks! are you having an identity crisis?
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
art_gurl, I'm sure there are several threads and posts on this site (in addition to magazine articles, books, etc in the mainstream media) about Black men spending the lean years with a Black woman and then getting the idea to "trade up" (in their minds) with a white women once they are more financially stable/prosperous or get a self-esteem boost. It is part of the conditioning that anything white is right. It's not a strange concept and something most of us on this board have proabably seen happen to someone we know. No, the man is not likely to say he is specifically looking for white trash, but it's not unheard of to take up with a white woman of fewer accomplishments or less education or intellect or whatever the case may be.
How about you finding a good WHITE site to haunt???
We have our black site here so bye!!!
As for the name Annie being white --Where the hell did you think I got that name ??
Not all men are like you , I am sure with your mentality you would not say " I want white" that is probably because your girlfriend would probably be the one suggesting a blond!!! you do seems to have the same psychological problem !!! but if it's any consolation it is not fatal and we accept you !!!
After all we are not alltogether cruel !!
Most of my other friends are white !! Yep I have lots of white "friends"
Let me give you some advise try taking that chip off your shoulder before it break your neck !! this is a black website we say what we want here , without being afraid of people like you !!!
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Annie - such a white name don't ya think???

Well, there are good men, nasty men, and assholes, but what is terminally MORE BORING than any of these men behaving badly is women who SPEAK FOR MEN!! Gimme a break.

Men have their reasons. The world isn't flat. And for your info, I just cannot imagine a black man saying - after 9 years - "listen honey, I want white trash so you and I are OVER." lol
OMG!
I JUST DON'T BUY IT HONEY - AND I AM WHITE! So don't bore me to death like you have your black man - which is probably the real reason he wanted out.

If it took you 9 years to realise he was fucking on the side - then YOU are fucking stupid, not him.

How about the MEN on the forum respond to this one? Know many men who are even remotely likely/stupid enough to have a conversation like the one above??????? I don't THINK SO!!
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oh, here for 5mins with your major issues and tell me where to get off?

why is white always blonde and blue eyed? YOUR BLACK site? hello? it is a black site yes, first, intelligent second.

Intelligent means open to ALL people expressing views. You've expressed yours and I've expressed mine... so BYE TO YOU if you can't cope with conversing with anyone who ISN'T BLACK. Get a grip. Chip on my shoulder?

Who has the chip? You have white friends?
Oh, I see, only 'white trash' friends.

If you lose your attitude then you might meet some white friends who aren't trash.

YOU lose the attitude. And lose the name calling.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
art_gurl, I'm sure there are several threads and posts on this site (in addition to magazine articles, books, etc in the mainstream media) about Black men spending the lean years with a Black woman and then getting the idea to "trade up" (in their minds) with a white women once they are more financially stable/prosperous or get a self-esteem boost. It is part of the conditioning that anything white is right. It's not a strange concept and something most of us on this board have proabably seen happen to someone we know. No, the man is not likely to say he is specifically looking for white trash, but it's not unheard of to take up with a white woman of fewer accomplishments or less education or intellect or whatever the case may be.


I hear you Frenchy, but the whole 'trading up' thing is equally immature whether it is 'trading up' in wealth, consumerism, power, looks, celebrity whatever.

It is NOT about white is better, it is about the lack of self-esteem of the person who CHOOOSES to pad their life with SYMBOLS whether they are of afluence, academia or whatever.

It is PATHETIC. We all know that. Only SOME white men, black men, hispanic men or any other type of men, OR WOMEN NEED to fill the empty gaps in their personality and self esteem with substitutes.

By the same token, some men and women DO have IR relationships because of circumstance, love and all the right reasons.

And maybe some of those white women actually DO have academic accomplishments. There seems to be a blind spot about that. ie. all white women = dumb asses with no academic acheivements. Think about it.

I am SO sick of the white trash mantle - and lazy people of ANY race who choose to stereotype. If you choose to believe all white women (or men) are stupid white trash then you are only fooling yourselves.

The 'stereotype' is the domain of the mentally lazy and unworldly and untravelled and inexperienced. But is that OK if they are black rather than any other race?

btw: do you REALLY think that thinking white women want a man who only sees her as a self-esteem asset? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO.
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Art Gurl.......

I actually believe that there are some IR relationships, that were formed out of love.

I also believe that although "trading up" is immature........it happens nevertheless.

What we have to remember.....are the reasons why black men claim, that they are dating white women or women of other races. They say its because black women are fat, ignorant, uneducated, gold diggers. (Which we all know, is a damn lie)

The problem comes when.........a black man, have made this decision based on these reasonings.........but find a white woman, that fits 'this' bill to the tee!! (This is what pisses black women off!!)

When i find an interesting black man, the first thing he wants to know is........what are my goals, what im a doing in life.................its all good when they figure it out. Just believe, if i was anything 'less than'......they would move on without fail. I have to be educated.....and have the 'looks'....or else the brotha is going to bounce!!

But meeting a white woman changes.......she could be just 'trying' to become educated, or trying to lose weight, etc.....and that same black man, will make excuses for her.

I've said this over and over again.......i really could careless who a black man dates, because in reality.....i know i'll find a decent black man....that wants me for who i am as a person, regardless of the way i look, my education, etc.

But i always remember.........this situation is just not about me.....my sistas, friends, family members are hurting, and i'll never just stand back, and suga coat this situation!!
art_gurl, I certainly agree that that way of thinking is completely ignorant. I'm only saying it's not rare.

And unless the man was especially retarded, I don't think he would disclose to the white woman that his own self-loathing is the primary reason he is with her. This is not something that she is likely to know. Small mercies.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
art_gurl, I certainly agree that that way of thinking is completely ignorant. I'm only saying it's not rare.

And unless the man was especially retarded, I don't think he would disclose to the white woman that his own self-loathing is the primary reason he is with her. This is not something that she is likely to know. Small mercies.


It's always interesting to ask men lots of questions. And I've found that because some men are so busy thinking themselves so clever - they inevitably trip up on this sort of stuff and expose their motivations or ignorance.

I've had convo's with a few black males about whether they've dated white women before, and why, and why aren't they dating black women now... etc. Their answers speak volumes about who they are and how they think.

I don't like men who don't like women. And lots of men (black or other races) don't. They may know how to woo, screw and be cool, but basing any relationship on style rather than substance is a sure sign of a lack of emotional development.

I can see the frustration and yes it is behaviour to make anyone angry, it's just that sometimes the anger is aimed in the wrong direction - other women.

So yes, I am guilty of reacting to those women (not you) who blame the demise of their relaltionship as being all the fault of white women, who are supposedly all trash and all dumb. That might make them feel better, but every relationship and every person is unique and individual, and has its share of strengths and issues.

The reality is does ANY woman want an emotionally stunted man who wants a trophy partner?

No white women - or any woman - truly wants to invest her time, energy, and love into a relationship with a man like that.
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quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Art Gurl.......

I actually believe that there are some IR relationships, that were formed out of love.

I also believe that although "trading up" is immature........it happens nevertheless.

What we have to remember.....are the reasons why black men claim, that they are dating white women or women of other races. They say its because black women are fat, ignorant, uneducated, gold diggers. (Which we all know, is a damn lie)

The problem comes when.........a black man, have made this decision based on these reasonings.........but find a white woman, that fits 'this' bill to the tee!! (This is what pisses black women off!!)

When i find an interesting black man, the first thing he wants to know is........what are my goals, what im a doing in life.................its all good when they figure it out. Just believe, if i was anything 'less than'......they would move on without fail. I have to be educated.....and have the 'looks'....or else the brotha is going to bounce!!

But meeting a white woman changes.......she could be just 'trying' to become educated, or trying to lose weight, etc.....and that same black man, will make excuses for her.

I've said this over and over again.......i really could careless who a black man dates, because in reality.....i know i'll find a decent black man....that wants me for who i am as a person, regardless of the way i look, my education, etc.

But i always remember.........this situation is just not about me.....my sistas, friends, family members are hurting, and i'll never just stand back, and suga coat this situation!!


I hear what you say and certainly don't disagree, coz you are there and I am over here. It's sad and mystifying to hear that there is such a double-standard between races at all, but that it comes down to a male checklist of academic achievement is mind-blowing. I would have thought that with all the white women in the USA 'she' (if she is chosen only as a show-pony trophy parnter) would have to be devastatingly beautiful and intelligent.

A question? Does this same double standard apply to other IR couples - do Latino women have to look like Jennifer Lopez??

If there is a stereotypical IR couple here it is a beautiful black (African or African American) woman dating a usually incredibly smart, educated and well off white guy. I see more of those couples here than a black male with a white female.

I appreciate that this topic can be discussed because I think all women learn from this. Men aren't the 'enemy' but they sure take some psychology !! Wink
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quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
art_gurl, I certainly agree that that way of thinking is completely ignorant. I'm only saying it's not rare.

And unless the man was especially retarded, I don't think he would disclose to the white woman that his own self-loathing is the primary reason he is with her. This is not something that she is likely to know. Small mercies.


It certainly isn't common - you must associate with a really screwed up group of Black men. protest Every unfavorable stereotype you can think of you tout. bs The majority of Black men marry Black women - I know that stat has been quoted here multiple times (and recently)!
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Art Gurl.......

I actually believe that there are some IR relationships, that were formed out of love.

I also believe that although "trading up" is immature........it happens nevertheless.

What we have to remember.....are the reasons why black men claim, that they are dating white women or women of other races. They say its because black women are fat, ignorant, uneducated, gold diggers. (Which we all know, is a damn lie)

The problem comes when.........a black man, have made this decision based on these reasonings.........but find a white woman, that fits 'this' bill to the tee!! (This is what pisses black women off!!)

When i find an interesting black man, the first thing he wants to know is........what are my goals, what im a doing in life.................its all good when they figure it out. Just believe, if i was anything 'less than'......they would move on without fail. I have to be educated.....and have the 'looks'....or else the brotha is going to bounce!!

But meeting a white woman changes.......she could be just 'trying' to become educated, or trying to lose weight, etc.....and that same black man, will make excuses for her.

I've said this over and over again.......i really could careless who a black man dates, because in reality.....i know i'll find a decent black man....that wants me for who i am as a person, regardless of the way i look, my education, etc.

But i always remember.........this situation is just not about me.....my sistas, friends, family members are hurting, and i'll never just stand back, and suga coat this situation!!


I hear what you say and certainly don't disagree, coz you are there and I am over here. It's sad and mystifying to hear that there is such a double-standard between races at all, but that it comes down to a male checklist of academic achievement is mind-blowing. I would have thought that with all the white women in the USA 'she' (if she is chosen only as a show-pony trophy parnter) would have to be devastatingly beautiful and intelligent.

A question? Does this same double standard apply to other IR couples - do Latino women have to look like Jennifer Lopez??

If there is a stereotypical IR couple here it is a beautiful black (African or African American) woman dating a usually incredibly smart, educated and well off white guy. I see more of those couples here than a black male with a white female.

I appreciate that this topic can be discussed because I think all women learn from this. Men aren't the 'enemy' but they sure take some psychology !! Wink
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art-
No one is going to call that (Black woman-White male) self-loathing. It's just finding love where you can... or meeting someone that meets my standards. Let a brother say that & watch the lynch mob come out. I hate hypocrisy & double standards. ohsnap

Men don't take psychology - we're pretty straightforward. We simply don't communicate in the same ways as women. **WARNING - GENERALIZATION ALERT - IGNORE STATEMENT TO FOLLOW IF IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU!** Instead of women learning how to 'translate' us (which is what men have to attempt to learn to relate to women!), they expect us to communicate just like them. We don't like to be 'tested' and we will talk about whatever AFTER the game! laugh
Good Lawd ... yes, we have our relationship problems and it is difficult to find answers to some of life's most painful questions. I have said it before, and I will say it again ... I love Black men to death and always will. I have been reading what some of the Sisters have been writing and for the most part the input has been intelligent and cordial. For that, I am truly grateful.

I don't know how this tribute turned into yet another male bashing thread, but it was certainly not the intent. For that, my Brothers, I apologize.

For the pain, confusion, mixed messages, sexism, racism, and the after midnight tears that some of my Brothers have caused, I apologize to you, my dear Sisters, and want you to know that I have been there and one day forgiveness will come. Restoration is a different issue altogether; however our hearts will learn to forgive as time will take some of the sting out of the hurt and we will once again find joy whether we are in relationships or not.

We can not come together as a strong African American nation until we can come together in one-on-one relationships, families, groups, and neighborhoods and begin to treat each other with the dignity and respect due us all. Yes, men have their problems. Yes, women have our problems. But, my Brothers and Sisters, we will never solve the issues that cause us so much pain until we first learn to forgive, move on, and focus on the positives that we have all been truly blessed with. You can't go forward looking back, but we can take advantage of the 20/20 hindsight and make our futures better than our pasts.

I respectfully request that we remove the venom from this discussion and attempt to re-focus on the positive attributes of our Brothers. We have enough posts already that focus on their negative traits. If we can scream loudly that a man like Tookie has been redeemed and is worthy of respect and salvation, then I believe there is great hope for all Brothers. We continually demonstrate that we are a people filled with hope, resilience, and positivity.

We all need to be reminded that we have value and we are loved - regardless of the fact that we all tend to f**k up sometimes. That's what this is all about. My Brothers, I love you now, I always have, and I always will.
Knee jerks yes, but only for newcomers who like to spit out stupid stereotype behaviours about men and women.

I have no issues with you Frenchy as you are intelligent and logical, but I'd like to clarify one thing...

I don't consider it the strangest thing to 'trade up' (women, race, sex, money, cars, whatever) if a guy is a wanker - of any race. I am talking about good black men.

I reiterate...someone who needs to fill a void by wearing trophies, is not the kind of guy I want, or, I imagine, most other women want either.

I reacted against the immediate association made by 'some' women, that a black man will 'trade up' exclusively to white trash, not a loving white partner. a) how can you trade UP to trash? Oxymoron. b) if left unchallenged, it infers the ONLY white women black men will leave a black women for are white TRASH - not women who are intelligent, sensitive, loving, strong and happen to be white.

This is not what was stated or inferred by you, but it is in fact what I was reacting to.

Flip the script and you might <<< disclaimer >>> see why I felt the need to comment.

I don't believe good black men are rare or busy chasing white women - it's that few of them are 'available' they are married, or in relationships already.

I respect the fact that 99% of the women on AA.org will discuss this without drama and stereotyping.
.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
A question? Does this same double standard apply to other IR couples - do Latino women have to look like Jennifer Lopez??

To be fair.......i would have to say that i dont know, because i really dont focus on that.

I can only speak on what i know and have experienced, as a black woman.


Fair comment. A stupid question perhaps. I guess my point is that black men must date other women besides black and white.
But point taken.
.
Why should I ?
In my job I get called Nigger every day !!

So much so that my white boss start apologizing for it !!
My attitude is just fine but you realy have to get a hold or reality. I work in an industry where I meet the best of the whites , it is my job to make them feel as if they are the last word in God's book, but what I get for my efforts ???
Yesterday after listening to some of their pathetic stories I got told " You niggers won't understand we are not like you !'
Now what the hell is that sopose to mean --you braineac explain it because 5 years of university didn't prepare me for rude people !! that's why I call them TRASH!!!
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
oh, here for 5mins with your major issues and tell me where to get off?

why is white always blonde and blue eyed? YOUR BLACK site? hello? it is a black site yes, first, intelligent second.

Intelligent means open to ALL people expressing views. You've expressed yours and I've expressed mine... so BYE TO YOU if you can't cope with conversing with anyone who ISN'T BLACK. Get a grip. Chip on my shoulder?

Who has the chip? You have white friends?
Oh, I see, only 'white trash' friends.

If you lose your attitude then you might meet some white friends who aren't trash.

YOU lose the attitude. And lose the name calling.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Take your own advice. "Reading is fundamental." I said it is NOT RARE. You've never heard of a Black man leaving his Black mate for "white trash?" nono

quote:
Every unfavorable stereotype you can think of you tout.

art_gurl reacted as if it was the strangest thing she'd ever heard, hence my comment. Jesus Fucking Christ.


I did read - not rare implies common. Look up rare = it means uncommon - hence, not rare means common. I accept your apology in advance... hat

Yes, it happens, but you said it was a frequent (another antonym for rare!) occurence - I disagree! I'll be waiting for the apology... yeah

P.S. kiss to Sandye for attempting to get the thread back on track!
quote:
Originally posted by Annie:
In my job I get called Nigger every day !!

So much so that my white boss start apologizing for it !!
My attitude is just fine but you realy have to get a hold or reality. I work in an industry where I meet the best of the whites , it is my job to make them feel as if they are the last word in God's book, but what I get for my efforts ???
Yesterday after listening to some of their pathetic stories I got told " You niggers won't understand we are not like you !'
Now what the hell is that sopose to mean --you braineac explain it because 5 years of university didn't prepare me for rude people !! that's why I call them TRASH!!!


you got me Confused
I'd have to say they are just mentally retarded - but that may be being too kind.
If I worked with those people I'd be tempted to poison their coffee. Eek

Annie, are you in the hospitality industry?
That surely is a test of anyone's resolve! upset
I work one day a week in retail, and that's an eyeopener!

Anyhoo... with comments like those, it's pretty obvious who has the university degree and who hasn't. Keep that in mind. kiss
.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:

I did read - not rare implies common. Look up rare = it means uncommon - hence, not rare means common.


There is an entire area between "rare" and "common." Words are not black/white, either/or, at the most polar extremes.

quote:
I accept your apology in advance... hat


It'll be a cold day in Hell before you hear me apologize for anything, ever. hit kiss

quote:
Yes, it happens, but you said it was a frequent (another antonym for rare!) occurence


Where do you get that from in my post?!?:

art_gurl, I'm sure there are several threads and posts on this site (in addition to magazine articles, books, etc in the mainstream media) about Black men spending the lean years with a Black woman and then getting the idea to "trade up" (in their minds) with a white women once they are more financially stable/prosperous or get a self-esteem boost. It is part of the conditioning that anything white is right. It's not a strange concept and something most of us on this board have proabably seen happen to someone we know. No, the man is not likely to say he is specifically looking for white trash, but it's not unheard of to take up with a white woman of fewer accomplishments or less education or intellect or whatever the case may be.

I'll give you a minute to wipe all that shit off your face.

Then you can apologize for commenting on a post you didn't read. Cool laugh
Annie- Taffy what part of Canada are you from?
__________________________________________________
Quote:
In my job I get called Nigger every day !!

So much so that my white boss start apologizing for it !!
My attitude is just fine but you realy have to get a hold or reality. I work in an industry where I meet the best of the whites , it is my job to make them feel as if they are the last word in God's book, but what I get for my efforts ???
Yesterday after listening to some of their pathetic stories I got told " You niggers won't understand we are not like you !'
Now what the hell is that sopose to mean --you braineac explain it because 5 years of university didn't prepare me for rude people !! that's why I call them TRASH!!!
________________________________________________
they are good men and they are good women but we liver in a materiastic world and he is how i sum it..this is dedicated to all the sisters!

WOULD THE REAL SISTER STAND UP PLEASE?
You claim you're the real sister
who I've been searching for.
but your broken heart from the past
prevents you from giving any more.
You don't understand that it takes a lot for me
to tell you how I feel inside.
But when I do
all I find is that you're not ready,
and then you take your love and hide.
Still carrying around that old baggage of the past.
Or simply trying to find an excuse
for why it may not last.
What else could you want?
I'm all that you've prayed for.
You claimed that you're the one for me,
and that's what I stayed for.
Now you're not keeping it real,
very good at talking the talk.
But you get two left feet
when it comes to walking the walk.
Now I have to figure out if what you say is true.
Asking myself why you say, but you won't do.
All the things it takes to keep a real brother
satisfied.
I know I'm more than willing to do my part,
and many times I've tried.
And many times I've wanted to call it quits,
stop and just throw my hands up.
But before I do I'll ask one more time...
Would the real sister Please STAND UP!
I've heard your cries to heaven
for a man who's love is good.
And believe me I got there as fast as I could.
But it seems you're not ready for all it will take.
Afraid that in your choice you'll make another
mistake.
But it's not me you fear, your fear is within you.
Because the moment you realize
that all I have to give inside is true.
You'll have no excuse
not to open your heart and let me in it.
So you hold back as long as you can
right down to the last minute.
Until you finally find a reason
to give up, and walk away.
Thinking another real man will come along someday.
But before I go let me make one thing clear now.
I can't help my timing but a real brother is here
now.
But you can't see that in me, because you're so
afraid
you'll have to do your part.
You want to be loved without giving your heart.
Sorry it doesn't work that way,
so don't just sit there with your hand up.
I need to know are ready for a brother...
Would the real woman Please STAND UP!

what do you think sisters and i would like to hear the truth, all i promised my mom is that when i go back home to Zimbabwe, i wanna say to her ""look what i found in America""

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