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By Matthew Fitzgerald
Ask Men

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1- She's on emotional roller coaster
One day she's your best friend, the next she won't even speak to you; one night she's a sexual animal, the next she's as cold as January in Siberia. And all -- from your point of view -- for no apparent reason.

2- She constantly evades you
With women like this, it's always one step forward and 10 steps back. She will show interest -- even extreme interest -- and then suddenly and inexplicably become unavailable. No matter what you do, no matter how often you call her, she's gone -- and you won't see her again for weeks or even months.

Then out of the blue, she'll reappear with a big smile on her face, ready to go. And the whole vicious circle will start all over again, leaving you perplexed and bewildered.

3- She wants what she can't have
She reacts emotionally to the hurt in her past. She has all the normal biological urges to be with a man, and genuinely wants to have a successful relationship, but the very second her emotions are aroused, the lurking demon of her buried hurt rears its ugly head and she runs away.

In her psychology, relationships equate pain. The sad fact is, the nicer you are, the faster she'll run. This is why many of the Walking Wounded seek out emotionally unavailable men.

4- She doesn't do as she says
She'll tell you she loves you and wants to do everything in her power to make sure the relationship lasts. Then she'll start treating you like crap.

She'll tell you she's wants a commitment, then she'll cheat on you.

Don't take her at her word; instead look at her actions and judge her on that instead.

She's mad at men in general and someone hurt her badly...

5- She's angry at men
Many of the Walking Wounded are extremely angry at men. They blame us for all their problems. Men are "jerks" and "users." They will deliberately get a man sexually aroused and then walk away, just to punish him for owning a penis.

In business, these women are jagged-edged, ball-busting bitches who would stab a man in the back without the blink of an eye or even a twinge of conscience. Sometimes they are radical feminists, always itching for a fight and constantly on the lookout for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

When a woman's hurt is milder, she may sublimate her inner anger by gravitating toward female-dominated careers (to limit her opportunities for meeting men), or by filling up every moment of her day and night with work, classes, sports, etc.

6- She has a history of abuse
Untreated victims of any kind of abuse are often emotionally unstable and harbor lots of inner pain, which manifests itself in their romantic lives. The Walking Wounded are frighteningly erratic (often through no fault of their own) -- you just never know what you're going to get. One minute they love you and the next they're picking fights or screaming at you for some imagined transgression on your part.

They are often unsoundly jealous, and will accuse you of having affairs without any evidence. Sometimes they're overly sexual, but many times they're not sexual at all, or certain sexual behaviors remind them of the abuse, making them freak out during lovemaking. These are women in dire need of professional therapy.


is there hope?

Is there anything you can do to help a member of the Walking Wounded and establish a successful relationship? It really depends on the severity of the damage.
First, throw logic out the window -- it just won't work. You have to find a way to reach her at an emotional level.

Listen carefully to her when she expresses her feelings -- the Walking Wounded will often verbalize a lot of information about what's happening inside their heads. Be careful not to interrupt her with logical advice -- it's best to be a sympathetic ear.

If her case is mild, time will be your ally -- just treat her kindly and build up her wounded self-esteem. Be patient. What she needs is to learn how to trust men again.

If her case is severe, gently steer her towards getting some therapy -- the damage is sometimes very deep and there's just no other way to help her.


bottom line: is she worth it?

Above all, keep it in your pants for a while and be willing to be her friend. Give her some space and emotional breathing room. This is not say you should turn into a wussy-boy eunuch and cater to her whims -- she might not be ready to be sexual with you yet, but she needs every ounce of your male strength and sexuality to lean on.
And make sure you don't take any abuse from her -- set those limits early on and often because she'll test you mercilessly.

Only you can decide if she's worth the time and trouble. If she is, you're probably in for a wild roller-coaster ride. But if you can help her to get her life back, there may be a great reward for your constancy and friendship.

Matthew Fitzgerald is the author of Sex-Ploytation. He has appeared on radio shows from coast-to-coast in the United States and in Canada, and has been featured on the Montel show and The Other Half.
Original Post

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quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I would love to see the 6 signs of dating a 'man' with baggage.

I think all of this is human nature......and since no one is perfect, we all have issues to deal with..

The day we start to believe any different.....then we are doomed to fail!


Oh its out there believe me. Someone will be posting it here in a few days. bump

But from a mans perspective, this is dealing with what we have to go thru. Lord knows men with baggage probably have about 10 signs that need to be watched for............
quote:
Originally posted by detroit1:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I would love to see the 6 signs of dating a 'man' with baggage.


This is great and encouraging advice for the benefit of both men and women. Let's digest this info. and not use logical fallacies to quickly displace focus away from it.




I dont see where my point was illogical, i call it as i see it.

This is 'human behavior', which happens not only to women BUT to men.

Now if you feel that this is encouraging advice, beneficial for you.....and others, then you are free to discuss this further, explaining your 'point of view'.
6 Signs You're Dating A "Woman" with Baggage? This question is loaded with so many implications. Like Qty, I'm interested in knowing why the author's concept of emotional "baggage" singles out women. Does he think there is something about women that makes them more vulnerable to the complications of relationships than men? Does the author think that men are better at recovering from relationships than women?
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
6 Signs You're Dating A "Woman" with Baggage? This question is loaded with so many implications. Like Qty, I'm interested in knowing why the author's concept of emotional "baggage" singles out women. Does he think there is something about women that makes them more vulnerable to the complications of relationships than men? Does the author think that men are better at recovering from relationships than women?


It's because the article is on a men's advice forum/board. I doubt the author truly believes women are the only ones with emotional baggage. The author is trying to give advice to men that continue to hit a brick wall with women that are probably not good for them...I don't find anything wrong with that advice. You'd probably find the same advice on a woman's board telling women to avoid certain kinds of men.... because men and women do deal with the same issues. I just thought it was an interesting topic.
1-She's on emotional roller coaster
One day she's your best friend, the next she won't even speak to you; one night she's a sexual animal, the next she's as cold as January in Siberia. And all -- from your point of view -- for no apparent reason.

2- She constantly evades you
With women like this, it's always one step forward and 10 steps back. She will show interest -- even extreme interest -- and then suddenly and inexplicably become unavailable. No matter what you do, no matter how often you call her, she's gone -- and you won't see her again for weeks or even months.

Then out of the blue, she'll reappear with a big smile on her face, ready to go. And the whole vicious circle will start all over again, leaving you perplexed and bewildered.

6- She has a history of abuse
Untreated victims of any kind of abuse are often emotionally unstable and harbor lots of inner pain, which manifests itself in their romantic lives. The Walking Wounded are frighteningly erratic (often through no fault of their own) -- you just never know what you're going to get. One minute they love you and the next they're picking fights or screaming at you for some imagined transgression on your part.


This form of fickle behavior is also classified as Borderline Personality Disorder.
First, throw logic out the window -- it just won't work. You have to find a way to reach her at an emotional level.
Be careful not to interrupt her with logical advice -- it's best to be a sympathetic ear.
-just treat her kindly and build up her wounded self-esteem.

This statement makes total sense to me. My experiences have taught me that using logic and/or reason when relating with some women only brings out their defensive/rebellious side.
Can progress and growth take place if you opt to only tell a woman what she wants to hear as opposed to what she needs to hear?
quote:
In business, these women are jagged-edged, ball-busting bitches who would stab a man in the back without the blink of an eye or even a twinge of conscience.


What one practices in the business world is not always a good indicator of how one relates to folks in their personal lives. There are plenty of male and female "ball-busters" who prefer a more subservient or relaxed M.O. in their relationships.

quote:
Sometimes they are radical feminists, always itching for a fight and constantly on the lookout for a sexual harassment lawsuit.


Oh Lord

quote:
This statement makes total sense to me. My experiences have taught me that using logic and/or reason when relating with some women only brings out their defensive/rebellious side.


In general?

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