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Reply to "Would Black women choose, date, or marry a brother who perms or straightens his hair?"

quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:

But, in my experience and circle of friends, the "other considerations" list that virtue posted above is much closer to the reasoning of Black women than that psycho-babble crap about self-loathing!! I mean, please!

Hi Ebony! Smile

The other considerations given.... are real.... but included in them is self-loathing... there are just as many Black women who hate themselves and perm their hair out of embarrassment of their God given features.... preferring secretly to look like someone else .... a perm is a way to do this....

this is just as real..... but in life nothing is always as black and white as we'd like it... and so there are many women with whom this does not apply..... IMHO this does not negate the problem, though


quote:
How a man is going to sit and pass judgment and interpret personal preferences of the reasons why women style their hair the way the do is just beyond incomprehensible to me!! Eek
Possibly because we live in a society where this attitude is displayed often....

women often say things like "Girl I've got to touch up them naps!" or "My naps are showing"... these are statements of embarrassment..... not self acceptance.... I see it.... and others do too.... and sometimes are baffled by it..... this is just one aspect though......


quote:
And more than a little on the self-righteous side! An opinion is one thing ... but a general blanket aspersion is quite another!!
Perhaps what we are reading is the anger and frustration included in the words as well.... and there's nothing wrong with it.... behind all of that energy is love.... the unspoken message.. is ... "Why don't you see the beauty in you that I see"... not everyone is able to convey a message in the way we'd like to hear it...... at least that's what I read ....

quote:
For most of the Black women I know, the way she styles her hair is a matter of personal preference or ease of care. To intimate that a woman does not know or is not mentally capable of knowing or is not responsible for her own personal preference (whether in hair or any other matter) based on some phantom perception of European-accepted sense of style and beauty is insulting!!
I hope I haven't offended you Ebony......

I was referring to a reality that exists....

We are not the authors of this culture... and just as we have affected it it has had an effect on us.... and part of that effect is our self esteem..... there is a history in this country of devaluing our beauty .... our characteristics and features..... we have not been immune to its attack..... we ourselves have been affected by seeing a lighter skinned, thin, long haired woman as the standard of beauty.... and we have responded.... consciously and subconsciously.....


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A Black woman who determines anything about herself in an attempt to please society's warped sense what is right/wrong, good/bad, has deeper issues than anything her hairstyle may say about her!! I mean, pulleeeezz.
But this happens...

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Statements and thoughts like the one depicted by Shango67 here go much farther to disrespect the intellect and the determination of self-worth of the Black woman than half of what some White people may say or think. I mean, maybe ... just maybe ... the majority of Black women perm or straighten their hair because they like it that way, it's what they want to do and it is their personal preference to do so!! Eek
Sometimes our decisions are colored by our environment whether we know it or not......

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I would submit that that's probably the reason why women who wear their hair naturally do so ... are they the only ones who deserve to be recognized (and respected) for having a mind of their own??
Yes.... my decision to go natural was a direct result of being in a certain environment.... one that focused on the natural beauty of African women.... I was affected.... but I think this is a good thing....

being affected by european standards of beauty in this condition is not so healthy....



Peace,
Virtue
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