Skip to main content

Reply to "The Arrogance of Men and The Naivety of Women"

Originally posted by Rowe:
The Arrogance of Men, The Naivety of Women

Today's relationships are degraded due to a lack of understanding and cohesiveness. We seem to be failing in our identification of reality versus fantasy. We all dream of that perfect relationship with that perfect person. However, perfection should never be an element in a relationship. Relationships thrive on the redefining and refining of those perfections. Perfection leaves no room for growth.

**Good points, too many people are looking for the fairy tale, but end up with a nightmare**

We all have an understanding of what we should and should not do. However, we live in an unfair world. And with that unfairness comes heartache. In our communities, we have an alarming rise in single parenting and abandoned children (abandoned by both mother and father). However, I silently question how these long-term problems arise.

**Yes, it [single parenthood] is a male and female issue **

My first thought goes out toward the fathers.

Why would a father abandon his offspring, his mate and his namesake? What fear would possess a man to cowardly run from responsibilities and duties? My answers were simple: lack of ESTEEM, lack of MATURE guidance and historical degradation.
**Not the case all of the time. What about the over 35 year old women that want to have children and 'cut a deal' so that they can become single parents?? What about the relationships that end because she cheated and can't narrow down who the father of the child is?? What about the many women that got pregnant via a one-night stand and dont even know daddy's last name?? Speaking of 'nameskae' for most Blacks in America, the surname is a slave name**

Sometimes, we men want to have the manly privileges (sex, domination and uncontested power) when it suits our purposes. However, all of the great dreams and aspirations dwindle down when reality sets in. Someone once quoted me the adage, "Every boxer has a strategy, until he gets hit." When the reality of how hard it is to assume that role of perfection ( the perfect daddy) hits, some tend to shy from that self-made imagery. You see, their fate lies within social stigmas - the strength of being a man coupled with the woman of the 90's need for compassion.

**quick question...who is choosing the father of those 'abandoned' kids?? What 'strategy' did they use in that selection? Why won't 'She' take responsibility for 'her' bad choice?? I wonder how many men were selected because they have 'good hair' or were 'lightskinnteded'??

The average person reveres the ideology of being a man as something strong, hard and undaunted, someone more or less made of steel. We build ourselves an image (with the help of our mates) of something that is unreachable. However, when we realize that no one can maintain such an unabridged persona continuously, we become depressed from the failure, a failure grasped by that same gauntlet we picked up. Anything less than the great vision of success (a success many fathom in different ways) and we lose our nobility of manhood. And when that manhood is lost, we seek to replace our failure with success, replace our embarrassment of defeat with pride from a lesser accomplishment, leaving that failed utopia in the hopes of a new one.

**but nothing is mentioned here about the young black woman's preferred choice of an alpha male being a thug/bad boy drug dealer?? Aren't they accountable for most of the heartache mentioned here? Choices...choices!!

Women, however, will remain in the hopes that life will flourish or maybe they themselves might rejuvenate life. Women are taught from birth to believe in fairy tales of princes, castles and white horses. They look for perfection that does not exist. Perfection leaves no room for growth, only failure. And so she feeds into that same absorbing failure the man succumbs to. She places her man on her own version of a pedestal and like an artist finally finishing their masterpiece, dusts and polishes over the cracks and chinks, rather than restarting with a new project. When the woman learns that fairy tales are for children's stories, then she shall grow.

I think this also speaks to women's inability to release the past. Most women still maintain that perfect fairytale-like world in their minds, and are destroyed when that world was not as they thought. This disappointment lingers in past relationships and rather than use these experiences as experiences, they use them as cloning devices because they manufacture characteristics of past failures into new ones.

**interesting opinion, full of holes, but interesting nonetheless

In summary (although this might never get printed), I think it is up to each of us to perform our own exorcisms to silence these decaying voices. We must combat them with an undaunted honesty, an honesty that often enough goes ignored.

**I disagree. The more a man 'complains' about women or dating the available women [which a friend of mine described perfectly as 'picking through the trash'], the more he is labeled a loser. I think the soultion is for people to simply make better choices earlier in life.