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Reply to "something to think about..."

Originally Posted by Cholly:

Quote by Momentum: "Cholly how many times we see the girl go for the hard looking dude, the so called bad boy. Just because a man speaks good vibes and know how to act in public does not mean he is not hard or can be bad when he needs to, perhaps he is just smart and don't want to advertise what he is all about just by looking at him."


How many times?


The majority of the time wanting the bad boy for a relationship and as you stated, the common mistake that's made is that the "good guy" also knows how to be hard and how to handle his business and himself when needed without the bad boy outward appearances, attitude and mannerisms.


Also, many women who are first and foremost directly involved with the bad boy being single or in marriage with children that eventually ends in divorce, ends up single with multiple kids and/or inadequate constant child support or other financial means coming in and they carry with them the heavy emotional baggage of that previous marriage or relationship directly into future relationships with the good guy they are now seeking "for a much better life" and now the good guy has to deal with all that past emotional baggage on a daily basis.


The good girl dates, marries and has children with the bad guy (probably the first guy she fell deeply in love with) who doesn't change his bad boy ways that she in her mind, expected him to change and mature (or thought she can now change him) because we're now married, responsible and accountable with kids.


For the good girl, that can be really damaging psychologically.


I have heard the emotional battle scars of divorced women I dated in the past who went through hell with their bad boy ex-husband that cause them to be totally non trusting of the now good guy she's dating and extremely protective of their children no matter how good of intentions the good guy has toward her and her kids.


I would say of do something (many times just joking) that in my mind, was totally innocent, non aggressive and non threatening and she got totally pissed at me to the point she stopped talking to me and ignoring me for hours.


I am totally puzzled while asking "what did I say or do that was wrong?" and once she calmed down hours later, she then tells me that what I either said or did triggered an emotional flashback about her ex-husband negative actions towards her and/or her kids when they were married,


And that scenario happened more than once.


IMO, the primary job for the good guy dealing with women who carry that emotional baggage to your relationship is to be a trusting and a steady sounding board allowing her to express herself as softly or as loudly as she wants, just listen for the duration each and every time and don't offer any real solutions to her problems because that could signal trouble.


Complaining all the time that her kids are wrecking her last nerves BUT if you offer a valid solution, you're crossing the line by in her mind, telling her how to raise her children.

I've seen good, sweet girls turned into crack ho's and beat down and treated like crap and 30 years later they get away from that life and revert into the sweet nice person they were before falling for the so called bad boy. 


I know this woman I grew up with and she been to hell and back then hell and back over and again because of crack and getting her ass kicked by a dude I knew that was going to destroy her life. He finally got a long prison sentence that gave her enough time and space to beat her crack addiction and return to a normal life. She is a wonderful singer and gets plenty of joy singing in church. It took her decades to return to the sweet, kind person I remember her as kids and her blessing is, she is still a nice looking woman after all the crap she's been through. 


Over the years I have always been puzzled why she fell for that gaddam fool, one day I am going to ask her. I feel bad because I actually liked her a lot, my big sister baby sat both of us but for some reason I never pursued her in High School and today she is one of the sweetest people I know.