Skip to main content

Reply to "Sistas, what's up with...."

What the fuck???

I've already said that not every hi is a come-on and I'm one of the ones who doesn't make it a habit to respond. Roll Eyes

Several of you here must not have experienced frequent harassment just because you've made eye-contact or responded to a hello.

That's not a bad thing. It's rather fortunate.

But imagine what it's like for those of us who haven't been so lucky.

You claim Black women aren't finding decent men because we don't smile to strangers on the street?

We should open ourselves up to harassment for a date???

Ha. If all the men who said hi to us were decent we wouldn't have to front in the first place.

I'm from NY and I haven't seen a shortage a greetings in NYC.

My dad walks to work saying, "Hey, mon," to all the men along the way. My brothers are more "wazzah."

But none are unusual.

Actually I've been regarding it as one of those cultural differences between people in NYC (especially those in strongly ethnic neighborhoods) and people in the burbs.

My mom cracks up at the strange looks my dad gets Upstate. He gets that do I know you look.

And I can't believe this is an issue of men having more hometraining than women.

I was taught to greet myself.

I grew up knowing this is one of the those courtesies.

But I stopped because it increases harassment by the men who don't think hello is just a pleasant greeting between two people.

They seriously think that hello means I want you. And some get aggressive once you let them know that isn't the case.

I shouldn't have to forgo my sense of comfort just to comfort some stranger with a hello.

Understand where this comes from and don't take it personally when someone doesn't greet you.

Men can help a lot by simply saying something.

I've found that I can curse a sexually harassing man up and down and all that will do is either piss him off or get him raddling sorry excuses, but a man can just look at or nudge him and get him to stop.

I've even been apologized to after men have stuck up for me.

I think there is a generational element to this.

I feel comfortable saying hi back to older men because I've found that an older man who takes it as a flirt is an oddity.

But it's also only older men who I see telling other men to cool down.

That is probably why many in my generation of women won't smile back.

Because we have had more ugly experiences.

Someone asked if those of us who don't say hi to Black men do it to White men.

I don't say hi to any man unless my gut ruled it safe to. It doesn't matter the race.

Usually it's according to whether it's one of those areas rampant with harassment, whether he is far enough from me, whether he greeted the person in front of me, whether I recognize the face and things of that sort.

However the issue comes up a lot less with White men as they usually don't nod at me unless they are old or not from around here.

I could even initiate and get that head turn thing or they ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

I don't think it's a part of the area's culture. At least not with younger White men (or women for that matter).

I'm more likely to hi back the old White guys as the old Black guys.

It's that generational understanding thing.

I'm not going to smile back just to seem warmer. I'm not going to focus and making men feel better with a smile by putting my feelings as a woman on the backburning.

Call it rude if yuh want, but don't expect me to change my attitude until things change.

Let it go, my darling. If it's not understood by this point, after all the many times and ways it's been said, it's because people do not want to understand, do not want to change their preconceived notions, "aren't trying to hear it." Wink

People are apparently much more comfortable making villains out of us.