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Reply to "Radio Raheem's Personal tribute to Interracial couples"

quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
this is a problem in the black community. If a woman is too dark.....she goes unnoticed, i dont care how beautiful she is. Her light skinned friends, are the ones that get picked first!! They only want me, after these women turn them down....!!

This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

(Yeah, as Thayfen mentioned, the truth can be ugly)

I dont complain about the situation, i just move on in life.
Frown Qty. I'm from the South....---way worse down here than in the North---my experience-- in the North there was a "cultural revolution" that allowed Black people to mentally accept in one another things that many in the South took a while to accept--- I know.... I've experienced both..... I know exactly what you mean.....) People won't talk about it because those that don't experience this tend to be blind to the very real pain that this causes for others.... they tend to look at themselves and say "I'm black...It doesn't happen to me.... It must be the way you're looking at things" .....and the one's that are affected by it.... try to ignore it or explain it away..... Black people... No... Black Men........ historically their ideal example of beauty is not the "white" woman as many revolutionaries like to point towards.... It is the "Latina" look or "Mixed" look.... something near there or a variation there of....

But just know that since you are younger than me..... when I was your age.... sigh.... dear it was WAY worse than it is now.... I have a sister around your age that experienced it but not very much..... and her self-esteem (I'm very proud of her) doesn't suffer nearly as much as others in my age group..... I hesitated answering this post..... Qty. because this is an extremely painful subject.... one I just couldn't look past.....

I was going to put this in your PM... but I'll put it out here.... Why not? Most of my bi'ness out heah anywhoo..... sigh....

But, as a young girl.... I was a model... (White folks always love my look....whaeva....) Most people called me "Black Barbie" or some variation of this.... I was complemented a lot..... But those who were close to me could not figure out why I was sad or didn't think I was "pretty" enough.... I had very popular friends.... was in good social circles and had the attention of guys left and right..... This meant nothing to me..... Having a model agent expound upon your beauty.... or having your friends do so.... or even your momma say nice things... IS O.K. But when you are young and developing your identity--while going through puberty..... this means NADA..... It is when you go to school and the most popular boy says " Virtue (*ahem*)-- You are pretty... I would get with you if you weren't so DAMN BLACK"

Nice.....

You see how this type of thinking could cause just a lil' confusion..... ?



***ddouble--- this happened at Southwest too....***

Sigh... OH MY FAVORITE IS: "You're pretty to be Black".... or "You must be from Ethiopia".... it's like they're saying I like you but can only accept you if I know that your look is something exotic.....or being Black e.g. dark-skinned is a handicap that I have overcome.....

I went to school with many "bougeois" Black people.... in that circle.... and at that time.... the "light skinned" guy was "in".... El Debarge was the ideal looking mate and I suppose any mixed looking woman was "in".... you know... light skinned.... long hair.... fine features..... see.... I had a real complex.... because I have fine features.... at the time long hair..... but "very" dark skin.... so.... this is how it would go.... I was accepted among the "popular" females... in fact I would attract female friends that were absolutely beautiful..... I have always had friends that were drop dead gorgeous.... I could never figure out why.... Here's why.... I realized that I was pretty enough to hang out with meaning no female hanging around me would feel like she lowered her standards socially.... but dark enough so that I wouldn't be a threat.... (until I got to college and hung out in "revolutionary" circles---well that's a story for another day---)
I used to have an affinity for dark chocolate brothas-still do Big Grin But would only end up friends with them.... it was some unwritten rule.... the finest chocolatist (yep its a word now-just made it up).. brotha must get with ANYTHING lighter than himself..... getting with a sister like me meant TOO MUCH BLACK going on..... Sooooo I have ALWAYS grrrrrr.... attracted some El Debarge looking brotha... nothing wrong with it.... but dark men didn't give me the time of day when I was younger.... it was almost like they had to go through some cultural conditioning (i.e read "Malcolm X".... join some ultra Black group) before they would notice me..... of course when I went to college.... this problem was eliminated completely.... It was "Black queen" this or that... etc.. or Nubian princess.... or Queen of Sheba returned.... whaeva.... my self esteem soared... I became sought after because my skin is a smooth dark chocolate..... my skin color was an immediate attraction....

Another phenomenon.... you know Qty. back in the day..... no one would notice me around my friends either... sigh... PAINFUL experience... guys were notorious for this.... but if I was ALONE I was recognized as a GEM.... See the message to me was I do have beauty.... but it just doesn't hold muster around my friends... I'm not beautiful enough......

And the crazy thing is .... that I developed this complex of thinking....... my self esteem would have both extremes of thinking I was the bomb and thinking I was nothing..... and no one I knew could understand how I could ever think I was "unpretty"..... they just didn't get it..... "You get complimented all the time" they'd say.... or "How could you think so low of yourself when guys are calling you left and right?" How? Because men would approach me and give me the kind of attention I appreciated when I was ALONE.... and did not have to compete with 10 Jennifer Lopez's and Beyonce's around me..... It was just me.... and alone I stood out....

Then I started hanging out in more intellectual circles... I just decided to not let life get to me and just be me.... and decided what was important to me was being recognized for the beauty of my mind.... so I began to work on developing relationships with that being the focus.... being complimented on my spirit.... my thinking....and my reasoning ability first was immensely gratifying and ego boosting

God, I hope this all doesn't sound too arrogant... but I'm trying to share.... and dag gonnit it's late.... and apparently I'm developing this crazy habit of telling my life story in front of the whole world.....

WHAEVA....



Peace,
Virtue
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