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My Story

Fist, let me say this: I am not posting this as a ploy to meet new men to date. (If that happens, cool, but thats not my intention!) I am posting this story because I hear so many men complain about women for various reasons-mainly because of baggage they bring to relationships. Brothers, I want you to know that there are sistas out there who have experienced all sorts of pain and sorrow and are still open to love.

I want to tell you a story about one of the only men that I have loved-whom I will call "Joe". Now, I am 31 and I have only loved 2 men in my life. I mean, really, truly, unconditionally.

I met Joe in 1997 in class. We were both jobless and looking for a new beginning. I was involved in a relationship and I'm sure he was as well. He had the most beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes and a scar on his cheek that just intrigued me. I HAD to have him. I observed this man for days before I made my move. Joe was accepting of my advances and we were instantly inseperable. Both our prior relationships took a back seat to "us".

I have to tell you why I loved this man. Joe was fresh out of prison (very short sentence for some stupid, childish crap) yet, you could not tell this man that he wasn't the most successful man in Charlotte. His confidence was intoxicating. His strength was contagious. I could NOT stay away from him. He was kind, romantic, giving in so many ways. I didn't know then the extent of my love for him. I thought I was infatuated with him (very sexy, handsome, great bod). Anyway, as our relationship blossomed I realized that he wasn't ready for the serious commitment that I was. We became a little distant. I married the gentleman that i was involved with when I met Joe......

Joe was upset, understandably, when he learned that I had gotten married and we didn't speak for a while. Months later, he called me at work and we met for lunch. It was as if nothing had changed. He totally discredited my marriage because he knew, as I did, that he was the love of my life. Yes, I cheated on my husband, my friend, whom I never should have married knowing full well that my heart belonged to someone else....... Years later, I left my husband. I did not tell Joe right away that I left my husband because I wanted to be sure that what I felt for Joe all those years was not a result of the loneliness I felt at home with my husband. It wasn't. I finally decided to tell Joe that I left and I invited him over to my apartment. He told me that he was involved in a serious live-in relationship. I didn't pressure him or make him feel uncomfortable. I just moved on. Joe and I remained friends.

Three years after I left my husband, in June, Joe came to me and said that he was ready. He wanted to settle down and marry me. He said that all the relationships he had after me, had been a constant search for "me". No one could compare. I was stunned. The timing was all wrong but I wanted to roll with it. I told him that I wanted him to slow down just a bit but we could definitely pick up where we left off!

Today, 2 1/2 years later, Joe and I are not together. In August (the same year Joe came back to me), I found out that he was seeing another woman and that she was pregnant with his child. I was devastated. I cried for what seemed like weeks! But I loved him. When he explained himself to me and told me what a mistake it was and how much he still loved and wanted to be with me, I BELIEVED HIM. I forgave him and let him come back. On Thanksgiving that next year, she called to tell me that she was pregnant by him again..... No more. I could not still love this man after this. After all the times he apologized for the mistake he made. After all the times he promised me it would NEVER happen again. After all the dreams he sold me.....and I bought....

I also found out that, during our relationship, he had been sleeping with his son's mom whenever the urge hit him, that he was meeting females all over the east coast (b/c of the flexibility of his job) and conversing with them daily (not sure about sex with them but most likely it went down with some of them).

Yet, today, I am not mad at him. He is just who he is. I can't change him or convince him that when you love someone that love runs through your veins-all of them-even the ones in your penis.....

Will the next man have to answer for Joe's mistakes? Nah. Because in spite of all the drama and lies and deception, I know that I can love again. I know that I will love again. I know that my soul mate awaits.........
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