Your illness could be avoided if you wished. Yo uapparently do not do so.
Note well what Paul said, that he could order Philemon to release Onesimus if he wanted to. He would rather have it come from Philemon's own heart and love for Onesimus. He's being quite pastoral here as well as apostolic. The command still hovers in the background, the unchanging scene against which this action is played.
Yes, if you'd only read closely.