If ever I cheated, I would tell. Yes, honesty could cost you, but whatever burden you have to carry as a result of being honest is the consequence of only looking out for yourself. You earned it. People may argue against upsetting your spouse/significant other unnecessarily, but you also have to consider that the other person has a right to know who you really are and what kind of relationship you two are in, and it is the worst kind of lie to mislead them into thinking everything is ok when it isn't. So if I cheat and there's hell to pay, that's the price I accepted when I cheated, so if I don't want to give him the opportunity to make me pay it then that means I am less interested in my husband's dignity than I am in my own.