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Reply to "I finally found the Black women's reply to the "Where is the love?'" from Tampa"

Originally posted by ddouble:
You've made some very dangerous assumptions about the intellect of people in these jobs. Degrees do not ensure a high level of intelligence. Some of the dumbest people I know have MBAs, CPAs, and other advanced degrees & designations.

I've made no assumptions about anyone's intelligence. I've given you possible explanations as for why some occupations are less valued than others. And though you and I may have encountered people from all walks of life who we thought were "dumb," our society still rewards people for continuing their education. Why else have many of's members (myself included) pursued advanced degrees? And before you give me the speech about how "college isn't for everyone," the fact still remains that the more education and specialized skills that one has, the more opportunities that one has at her or his disposal.

We're still waiting to see some of those criteria & standards for mates explicitly stated!!

Many veteran members are already familar with my family values and criteria for marriage. They know that I'm old school. I believe that only men should work and woman should stay home and manage the family and household. Both the man and woman should never work simutaneously, especially if there are young children involved (review my family and children discussions for reasons why).

Presently, in the Black community, however, the roles have completely reversed. And ultimately, this is the real reason why our relationships and communities are suffering. Black women are running Black communities. Black women are paying the bills, paying for mortgages, car notes, and day care expenses practically on their own, while the men sit around complain about "why can't you just give a brotha some slack?" No one seems to want to discuss this matter though. We'd rather be distracted from this issue by having trivial ongoing squabbles that have anything to do with the status of our communities. Brother Honestbrother posted a topic awhile ago encouraging people to discuss what we should do to rebuild our communities. Only one person responded to thread, but the problems aren't going anywhere. Women making poor mate choices does not take away from the fact that a disproportionate number of Black men are not pursuing higher education (compared to Black women), are crowding jails, and are not fully benefitting from what society has to offer. Period. Therefore, it doesn't matter what our criteria is, none of these can be met until we deal with these issues.

But for those who must know, here are my personal criteria:


  • Advanced degree and/or earns enough to independently support a family, including sending children to private schools and financing college tuitions.

  • Has a very strong appreciation for education.

  • Has good credit, manages money well, pays bills ON TIME.

  • Is well read, not illiterate.

    Personal Development

  • Has strong convictions about the state of the Black community. Takes full responsibility for it, doesn't shift blame onto the women or punkishly uses women as scapegoats for what is happeining in his community.

  • Holds very traditional values.

  • Believes men should take responsibility for their communities, men should have leadership roles in the community.

  • Is compassionate, has a strong take-charge character, is loving, caring, has integrity, and is dedicated and committed to a cause.


  • Very health conscious. Eats very little meat product or dairy.

  • Believes prevention is the best medicine.

  • Has a very natural and organic way of living (spiritually conscious).

  • Prefers foods that are as close to their natural state as possible.
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