quote:Male Shortage" vs. "Bad Choices"
Sister Powerflower, since you just joined our discussed, I will provide a brief synopsis of what our seven page long thread has been about. The male posters are arguing that Black women are not having satisfying relationships because they make "bad choices." Women posters are arguing that if decent Black men were plentiful, then Black women would have more "better choices" from which to choose. Male posters are denying charges of there being a "male shortgage" and female posters have spent the last seven pages trying to convince them that it is true. So sister, which side are you on? Do you think that there is a male shortgage or are Black women naturally bad daters who make bad choices.
I had read the thread, and posted before. I will tell you what I think about the question you posed, but I don't think all the men are saying that all Black women are naturally bad daters/decision makers. I think that people are getting all riled up when they disagree with what someone posts and then they respond emotionally. Hey, I do it too I don't think the original post was meant to be offensive. I think it was directed at women because it came from a magazine directed at women. I wasn't offended by it.
I remember hearing on the Tom Joyner show the Black male/female ratio of several major cities and it was definately not in our favor. When I was about to go to college I went on a tour of several hbcu's and the ratios there averaged about 6 or 7 to 1. When I was in college I definately felt like the odds were against me. When I graduated and moved back home I felt like things were more in my favor but I am still a single Black woman and I believe I should be having an easier time with the dating world based on the things I have to offer (although some have made single mothers seem like pariahs). I think raw statistics work in the men's favor, but like the men have pointed out there are mitigating factors. To that I would like to add that there are mitigating factors for the females too, so it would seem that the ratio still works in the males' favor. This question has made me take another look around at people I know. I know more single Black women than men. I do think a lot of them have unrealistic expectations of men. Then I started thinking about the men I know. They've got some unrealistic expectations of their own. I guess that's why even people who are in committed relationships have so many problems and questions and confusion just like us single folks. These are people I know, I'm not claiming that it's a scientific study or anything, but I wouldn't be surprised to find that many people have a similar experience. We all make bad decisions in dating male or female. I don't think females are terribly worse at dating than men. For every man that says all Black women have attitude problems, there's a woman saying all Black men are dogs.
I'm tired of looking at this whole thing like a dichotomy.
We all make mistakes or else how would we learn anything. And because someone posts advice doesn't mean that the people the advice is directed at are fools. The article was good advice for anyone, male or female.
There are way too many brothers, dying violently and going to jail, and this does have a major effect on Black women and the community as a whole.
We both need to work on our attitudes toward each other to heal some of the problems we face.