so much for dropping the defensiveness. can't say i'm shocked, though. after i wrote that post i figured you'd object (as well as others). god forbid someone suggest something overtly positive on this site. sometimes i think the negativity thing is just rampant 'round these parts of the web. . . . debate does not always have to equal animosity. nevermind. but thanks for the positive things you've said, and thanks for trying to give advice from your perspective on how women can improve relationships. i appreciate that, and all of the productive comments that brothers have made on this thread.