quote:Originally posted by powerflower:
Some black men do want these things for themselves but most don't and we should not expect most to do the right thing out of their own free will.
This just sounds like Black male bashing. Most Black men don't want positive things for themselves? Most Black men just want to have babies and not loving
relationships? That's simply not true. Yes there are a few real jerks out there, but I am in no way prepared to say that this is true for the majority. Yes we do have a lot of single parents out here, but in most cases there are a lot of complex reasons why the relationship did not work, but it's not the case that the man is just out here plotting on how to get women to have kids by him.
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
But the prospects seem bleak to them and the reason is that these women come with so much baggage and defensiveness. So both sides have serious issues – it not JUST the problem that black men are dealing with.
Here we go with the infamous baggage. And from where do you think the "baggage" derives? How did the woman get the baggage? You all continue to acknowledge the "infamous baggage," but you conveniently choose not to acknowledge HOW the baggage piles up in the first place! (Refer to Mary Blidge's latest CD, The Breakthrough, track #8 "Baggage" for a better understanding of how a Black woman gets her baggage). In any event, my interest in this topic differs from some other women responding to this thread. I do not believe that Black men are "worthless," and I definitely do not hold you as an individual accountable for the actions of every Black man, just as I hope you would not hold me accountable for the actions of women that you encounter. However, I, like many others, have acknowledged that there is indeed a problem in our communities, problems that clearly involve a disproportionate number of Black males in undesirable situations. That is not a blame, it is the truth.
Why is it that 99% of the time when baggage is being discussed it is a woman's issue. Men come into relationships with hella baggage too. We all have a past and we hopefully try to learn from our mistakes. However, it's sometimes a fine line between trying not to repeat past mistakes and treating everyone like they are out to hurt you because you've been hurt in the past. I just got into a discussion with a guy last week and he was telling me that for about two years after his divorce he was a dating nightmare for a woman because he thought that any woman he encountered would do the same things to him that his ex-wife did. Both women and men go through this, and I'll be the first to admit that I have gone into relationships carrying plenty of my own baggage. (I acknowledge it and I'm working on it so leave me the hell alone! )
But seriously, this is by far not a female issue it's a people issue.