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Reply to "Cognitive dissonance and the black woman"

You know, these discussions are becoming "which came first, the chicken or the egg". Sometimes men are at fault for failing relationships, other times women are at fault. Sometimes, the person in the mirror is the reason your s--t didn't work out! Damn people, it's ALL of our faults!. We can make better choices in mates. We can choose to behave honorably in our relationships. We can choose to open our hearts, in spite of past hurts. We can check our friends (and ourselves) when we go astray. We can choose to value productive, honorable qualities in our mates.

Instead of wasting all this time bickering, how about some honest discussion, brainstorming and problem solving. I agree with many of the assessments made by ladies here, just not in the universal tone with which they are stated. The men here also raise valid issues & concerns (likewise, the proclamations should not be considered universal). We've all been hurt in a relationship in our lives; there's no gender exclusion to that pain. IMO, it's these "bad" experiences that help you recognize & cherish the good ones. Humans crave social interaction - we do need each other, romantically & otherwise. To need someone does not make you weak or less than, it makes you human! We can choose to wallow in rage, arrogance, denial & pity, or we can dust ourselves off, give someone new (and ourselves) a fair chance and get back in the game.

Some translation is in order, then some compromise. Men are trying to understand on a practical, pragmatic level how to please women. Ladies, understand this may not be the way you process relationships, but it is critical to know. We sure as hell don't understand the way you do things, so we can stand to learn as well.

As much as I enjoy a good debate, we are rapidly approaching "beat a dead horse" territory. Can we get some non-accusatory consensus building around here?

With heart

I'm not your adversary, I'm your complement...
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