Thank you for asking my sista. My feeling of abandonment came from my son being gunned down in front of a least 40 morning commuters whom merely swirved around his body as he fell to the ground like he was road kill. No one called the police. No one stopped their cars. He just laid there dying. No one saw him as maybe someone who could be one of their children-a son. Or maybe a family member. Their inhumane ignorance of a "child" laying in the middle of the street demonstrated to me how desensitized and emotionally unplug many blacks in my community were and still are. I felt abandonment cuz this was a place I grew up. A place where I walked to school, went to visit friends....a place that I once called my neighborhood....and yet years later my own child could not enjoy the same pleasure of a safety environment I once had. But! Most importantly, I felt abandonment of the black community cuz many grown black folks REFUSED to come forward and give information to the police of what they witnessed-not something that is assummed or something that is deemed hearsay but something that was evidental facts. Cuz why? They were afraid of retaliation from their own people...from their own children-how can one be afraid of their own children? And during that time police would pay $25000 for relocation fee outta town for those considering telling...but! No one felt that money was enough to start a new life....no one felt that our black kids mattered.....and so the next day another youth was murdered and the day after that the SAME thang happened...another young man was killed.
So. Needdless to say, I felt abandoned by the very folks I demonstrated for who looked me straight in the eyes regarding the death of my child and said "oh well, that's the way of the world." WTF? Cuz why? They didn't know what to say or do. Say nothing. Do nothing. I felt abandoned by the very folks I burned my "small" bra for whose loud voices were beginning to sound like whispers after the civil right movement; I felt abandoned by the very folks I assisted as an educator by helping THEIR children learn and know their black history and yet these same folks couldn't find it in their hearts to do the right thing not only for my son, but sons [and daughters] of the black community who all died at the hands of something sooooooo cruel and evil: black on black crime. At that point, I shut down. Cuz it was absolutely genocide of our youth. In retrospect, it was the black youth who were abandoned by their community. And when you lose a child by murdered especially there is no other "pain" so great. You feel the people who look like you are nothing more than lazy azz cowards who talk a lotta shyte but are clueless when it comes to helping their own people..these unproductive fakes; snakes in the grass backstabbers-these unfeeling zombies.....your own people....just stood by and let murder happen or didn't react the way they should have-the way grown folks are supposed to behave in a crisis situation. How can you watch the death of your culture and feel and do absolutely nothing? That was my question. It was never answered. So I had to find my own way through this painful maze of societal abandonment to get to the solution or the answer on the other side of my recovery. No one could help me with it. And through it all, I know I'm much stronger as a result of the process cuz it's lessons learned with combat social scars. Whew! It was a very long journey cuz I really did lose myself. I'm sooooooooo glad it's now all behind me. Cuz I finally got "me" back. But!