Ways Single Mothers Destroy their sons

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Ways Single Mothers Destroy Their Sons

 
The most toxic environment for a boy growing up is a single mother household. I can tell readers from personal experience that boys don’t get all their needs met in a single parent household. Many of the lessons they learn in that hostile territory growing up make them into lost, confused men with no defined sense of identity.

How does a single mother destroy her son? Let me count the ways:
 
Speaking negatively about their father. The most damaging thing a mother can do is speak badly about a child’s father in front of them. These negative statements about the child’s father are the equivalent of hitting that child with a fist in the jaw.

One half of that child is the father and when he hears his mother saying negative things about him he usually the boy grows up doubting himself. They think that there’s something wrong with them. That they need to change a part of themselves to get approval of his angry mother.

It’s these identity issues usually cause him to resolve to not be like his father. It’s these identity issues that cause a boy to hate himself.

Saying negative things about men. Thanks to their failed relationship with the child’s father, many Single mothers have a subconscious hatred of men. And they express that hatred about every man they come in contact with. Saying things like “That no good nigger” or “Men ain’t shit”, or doing things like avoiding male cashiers, salesmen, and speaking negatively about male acquaintances have a profound impact on children, especially boys.

Hearing these negative statements and seeing these misandristic actions about men and regarding men make little boys afraid of embracing their masculinity and their male identity.

One of the easiest ways to turn a boy into a Mangina is to have him constantly hear numerous negative statements about men from his mother. When a boy hears that his mother hates men, he resolves to not be like them. Which is simply self-hatred.

Teaching their sons to disrespect their fathers’ authority. One of the most dangerous things Single mothers indirectly teach their children is to disrespect male authority. By making negative statements about the child’s father, dismissing things he says and telling them to disregard his instructions, she teaches her children to have no respect male authority and to have no regard for males in charge.
Most mothers think they’re getting back at the dad by doing this. But they don’t see the long-term damage they do by teaching their sons to have contempt for their fathers. Boys growing up to disrespect of their fathers have no respect for all other men in society.
 
Teaching their sons to disrespect male authority and male authority figures.When a mother teaches her son to have no respect for the authority of their fathers, it teaches them that men are not be respected. That can get him into trouble when he runs into male authority figures such as supervisors and police officers when he gets older. This is why many boys who come from single parent homes have a hard time adjusting to the real world. When challenged by male authority figures they often resist them or disrespect them because they’ve been made to believe they’re beneath them.
What most boys from single parent homes don’t understand are that these men they have little regard for have the power to fire him from a job. And if they’re in law enforcement these men who have the power to kill him if he doesn’t follow their instructions to the letter.

Projecting anger at the father onto the son. It’s not common for a Single mother to go into an angry rant when their son does something wrong or makes a mistake when they disagree with her. Oftentimes she’s venting the rage she feels about the child’s father at the son. Statements like: “You gonna grow up to be just like yo no good daddy” hit boys like fists. Oftentimes these emotionally abusive blows knock boys down for the count emotionally before they even get up to become men.

These hostile and negative statements from a single mother can force boys to withdraw socially, and erect emotional walls. These walls prevent these boys from connecting with others and forming healthy relationships when they get older.
 
Not allowing their father to see them. While things between a single mother and the child’s father may have soured, the mother should NEVER deny the father a right to see his child if he wants to see them.

Contrary to the belief of most feminists and liberals, a woman CANNOT be a mother and a father to a boy. Nor can she raise a boy to become a man. Boys need that relationship with their father to gain a sense of themselves and to understand their masculinity and male identity. Without that relationship they often grow up lost and confused about their identity as a man.

When boys can’t answer those questions that only a father can answer, they take cues from Hypermasculine images in media or from ideas from their peers to fill in the empty space regarding what type of man they should become. And if this media isn’t available, he starts taking cues from their mother regarding what type of man they should be.
 
Bringing in substitutes for a father. Many single mothers who have alienated the Child’s father and are overwhelmed try to bring in a substitute male to role model for him. Unfortunately, this man often never measures up or is capable of doing the job of the child’s father. Oftentimes he winds up just as overwhelmed and frustrated as the single mother is because he has no understanding of the family’s history or the previous history of the child.

What most single Mothers don’t understand is that only a father can meet the needs of his son. Only he can meet the emotional needs of that boy and because half of that boy is based on who he is and because he has some understanding of who the mother is.
 
Coddling their sons. Single mothers are the biggest enablers of bad behavior in boys. When their sons do wrong, they make excuses for them. When they make mistakes in life they blame others for doing wrong by “Their boy”. And when they fail in life, they bail them out.

Thanks to their coddling, their sons never grow up learning they have to take responsibility for their actions. Oftentimes, the sons of single mothers often grow up spoiled with a sense of entitlement and a belief that the world owes them something. That makes them impossible adults to deal with.

Inconsistent discipline. Along with coddling, the most damaging thing single mothers do to kids is inconsistently disciplining them. Because they don’t understand the role a father plays in establishing consistent structure and order in a child’s life, they either don’t punish boys for their bad behavior or they go overboard with excessively violent or harsh punishments.

With an emotional single mother there is no plan of action to correct the bad behavior in their sons or to educate them on what they are doing is wrong. So the bad behavior often continues well into their adulthood And because boys never learn that for every action there will be the same reaction every time they never grow up to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.

Teaching boys to be emotional. Boys who grow up in single parent homes don’t learn how to control their emotions. This leads to them not being able to cope with conflict in life.

A boy has to grow up to learn discipline and self-control in order to navigate life in the real world. When he’s raised to think logically by his father, he learns the self-control that allows him to walk away from trouble. He thinks about the long-term ramifications of his actions and the impact on others.

But when he’s raised by a woman he learns to think of his short-term feelings. And when he acts on those feelings, he often says and does things he regrets. A man who has no control over his emotions is more prone to go into a rage where he beats a woman who disagrees with him or says no to him, get into fights with men over silly things like a basketball game or a look in his direction. Or his words and actions can cause him to get into a scuffle with police where he’s fatally shot and killed for resisting arrest.

This loss of self-control can cause him to be seen as weak by other men and make him a target for the abuses of both predatory men and women.

Not teaching their sons what boundaries are. Some Single mothers just don’t understand what structure is like men do. And part of the healthy establishment of structure is establishing boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines in the sand that keep boys safe. They keep boys from going too far and doing things that will hurt them. And a strong father teaches their sons what boundaries are at an early age.

Boys who grow up without boundaries cross lines. They take dangerous unnecessary risks. They don’t know when they’ve gone TOO FAR. They violate people’s personal space. And they can’t take NO for an answer.

This leads to people having to do things like take out restraining orders, have them arrested, beat them severely, or even kill them to make them STOP whatever they’re doing.

Not teaching their sons coping skills.  Boys who grow up in single parent homes often don’t learn how to cope with the obstacles life throws at them. When things like rejection, failure and loss come into their lives they don’t grieve, hurt for a while and move on like Real Men do.

Instead they go BERZERK.

Boys who haven’t been taught coping skills by their fathers can’t deal with the many curves life throws at them. When their girlfriends leave them, they stalk and kill them. When they lose a job they go on a shooting rampage. And when life just gets too damn hard for them they commit suicide.

Establishing a co-dependent relationship. One of the most destructive things Single mothers do to their sons is try to turn them into a surrogate husband. What they don’t understand is that they’re doing is establishing a co-dependent relationship with them.

In this co-dependent relationship, Single mothers attach an emotional hose up to their sons. And as they use their sons to get their emotional and other needs met it literally sucks the life out of these boys, preventing them from growing up to become healthy, functional men who can have a relationship with women his own age. Thanks to co-dependent single mothers boys never learn to get their own lives and become their own man.

Smothering. Smothering something that prevents a boy from growing up to become a healthy, emotionally stable functional man. When a woman smothers her son it’s the equivalent of putting a boot on a boy’s neck and never letting him get up. It paralyzes him and prevents him from moving forward in life. Many single mothers often KILL their boys by choking the very life out of them with their constant nagging and hovering over them.

When a mother holds a child too close to them, it prevents them from going out into the world and experiencing life. When they try to dictate the terms of a boy’s manhood all it leads to is him growing up dependent on women for his existence.

Bullying. Single mothers often use threats, intimidation and verbal abuse to control their sons because they become frustrated when they act in masculine ways they don’t understand. It’s often this emotional abuse that makes their boys grow up to see women as overbearing, domineering emasculating and downright hostile.

This form of bullying often makes boys avoid women and avoid relationships with women. If a decent woman doesn’t show him what a positive relationship with a woman looks like, he grows up to think of all women as monsters.

Trying to run his life. Some single mothers often try to control every move their sons make. This turns them into pussy whipped mama’s boys who can’t do anything for themselves.

What most single mothers don’t understand is that a man has to go out into the world one day. And that boys have grow up and learn how to do things for themselves if they’re going to survive out there. If he can’t leave his mother’s locus of control he’ll never learn how to take responsibility for himself.

Thinking she can raise a man be a man on her terms. Single Mothers often try to define their sons’ manhood on her terms. They’re often disappointed when their quest to make a “perfect” man out of their sons blows up in their faces. Usually when women define a boy’s manhood and male identity he grows up to become a pathetic creature who can’t do anything for himself without the leadership of a woman or a misogynist with a vehement hatred for women.

What most Single Mothers don’t understand is that only a man can teach a man how to be a Real Man. Only a man understands what a man has to do to navigate life in this world. There are only some lessons a man can teach a boy about life, and women need to understand this.

Trying to turn their sons into “Perfect” people. Another mistake single mothers try to do is making their sons better than their father. This puts a lot of pressure on a boy and gives him an inferiority complex.

Boys who are trying to be “perfect” often wind up growing up filled with insecurity and anxiety. This fear encompasses every part of their life making them introverted and withdrawn. They can’t cope with the challenges of everyday life because they’re afraid of making a mistake that messes everything up.

When it’s mistakes that make them better men. When boys make mistakes, they build the character that allows them to become stronger men with a tougher resolve.

Men who fail, fall and screw up learn how to get up, dust themselves off and try again. That failure is a part of life. And every failure only helps him grow.

Ironically, in their obsessive quest to make their sons “perfect”, Single mothers wind up making their sons into pathetic weak men who can’t function in society. Boys who grow up to become men who are afraid of taking risks. Men who are always playing it safe. Men who are nothing more than cowards.

Not encouraging them or supporting them in their quest to become independent men. Many single mothers profess to love their sons. But when those boys try to do things that will allow them to grow up to become independent men, they shut them down or sabotage them.

Many single mothers fear that if their sons start taking adult actions that will take them to the next level they’ll become like their “evil” fathers. So they do things to keep them stranded in a state of arrested development.

Oftentimes these co-dependent single mothers are afraid that if their sons start taking actions that will allow them to become adults, they’ll set boundaries and remove the emotional hose they’ve attached. And without that boy to maintain that co-dependent relationship with them, they’ll wither away and die pathetic lonely women. Or worse, they fear that their sons will find out the TRUTH regarding the relationship between her and his father.

Not encouraging boys to embrace their masculinity. Single mothers often do their sons a disservice by not encouraging them to be masculine. Instead, they shame their boys about expressing their masculinity and in some cases punish them for it.

Some women do this subconsciously because they have a deep seeded hatred for the child’s father. So they seek to get even with him by sabotaging their sons’ development. By emasculating him and destroying his masculinity and male identity, she hopes to get back at that man who she thinks did her wrong.

Not encouraging boys to embrace their sexuality. Many single mothers are ashamed of their sexuality because the relationship between them and their father failed. So they teach their children to be ashamed of sex and their sexuality.

Boys who grow up in single parent homes often grow up confused about their sexuality. And because there’s no father in the home to show them how a healthy heterosexual male relates to women, he starts learning how to relate to the opposite sex from a female perspective.

And thanks to his single mother’s bad sexual experiences with men he learns that sex is something dirty and wrong. Something only whores do with perverted “no good” men.

When there was nothing wrong with sex. There was just something wrong with the way she had relationships with men that led to her having bad sexual experiences.

Boys from single parent homes are often have no idea how great sex can be. Misled by peers and misinformed by angry parents they often have a negative perception of sex.

Sex can be a wonderful thing. When a boy is properly educated on his body and his natural male sexual energy he can share himself with a woman physically, emotionally and mentally and have a great sexual experience.
 
Misleading boys about Male/female relationships. One of the biggest lies Single mothers tell their sons is that he has to be a friend to a woman in order to have a sexual/romantic relationship with them. When this is not true at all. Following this advice leads to boys winding up failing at romance.

The truth is that women DON’T want to be friends with the men they choose to be romantically involved with. Most women choose their sexual partners and boyfriends within the first five seconds of looking at them.

The Single mother may want a man who is their friend after her failed relationships with men. But younger women who are functional and want a good relationship DO NOT want their man to be their best friend. Men who are in the friendzone are men they have NO sexual attraction to.
 
Telling boys that all women are whores. Many Single mothers express their jealousy at younger women their sons get involved with. They’ll say they don’t want their sons to make the same mistake they did years ago, but that’s a lie.

What they resent is the youth and beauty of these women and the possibility that they’ll have better character than they have.Moreover, Single mothers resent the possibility that their sons will have a successful romantic relationship. Single mothers fear that if their sons have a successful romantic relationship it’ll reflect badly on them. That it’ll show how they were the reason why their relationship failed and how everything wasn’t on that “no good man”.

So they express their anger at those women telling their sons that they’re whores and sluts. The goal of this shaming language is to make the boy back away from a possibly healthy relationship with a woman outside of her and continue maintaining a co-dependent relationship they have with each other.

Sabotoging his relationships with women. Single mothers hate their sons having girlfriends because they fear that as he gets closer to this woman, he’ll start establishing healthy boundaries that will sever the emotional hose they have hooked up to them. And if he severs that hose she’ll have to do something like getting her own life.

Single mothers often have no idea the damage they do to their sons every day. How their indirect actions are having a profound impact on their male childs’ upbringing. How the values they teach lead to their boys becoming men who can’t navigate the challenges of life.

If you’re a single mom, please put aside your grievances and let that father get involved in his life. He’s the only one who can teach him the lessons he’ll need to become a man. When you try to raise a boy on your own all you’re doing is destroying his chances of growing up to become a functional adult.
Original Post

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers. 

Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  

Bottom line is, though some black men show a disdain for black women time and time again, people just need to act like adults. If you have issues with your mother and women, go seek counseling. Boy, Bye!

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:

 

Speaking negatively about their father. 
 
This is not something that only Black mothers do, nor is it something that only Single Black mothers do.  Whether or not a woman chooses to do this depends on the woman, whether married or single, Black or White or any other race. 
 
 
 
 
 
Saying negative things about men. 
 
Who the hell are men that negative things can't be said about them?  Whatever the negative is in a particular man, I'm sure that young males already see it with their own eyes and probably are/would be in agreement with anyone else that saw it or pointed it out or spoke of it.  If the negative is the truth, then . . . ?  What, is it tht Black women are supposed to live in a fantasy world about other human beings if they happen to be men, and then teach their sons to live in that same fantasy world.  Black women do not say anymore negative things about Black men than any other race of women say about the men in their race.  What this writer is doing is the same thing that other races of people do when it comes to Black people/African Americans, and that is to take what he's seen on talk-shows, tv shows, in movies, or the countless internet sites that publish every troll's racist insult and stereotype of Black people, in his case, Black women and acribing it to ALL Black women.  I'm sure that he does not know even two Black mothers or Single Black mothers that do all of the things he has listed, probably not even one.  What he is doing is theorizing what HE believes and writing it as fact, because we all know that in America, one sure way to get published or attention or even political funding, is to say something scathing about Black people, and since there are not enough Black women [married or single, mothers or not] involved in crime and violence to paint all Black females with the same broad brush Black males have been painted with, and that is to go after the Black woman's character, image, virtue, and intelligence, which is such a safe bet, since those things are not tangible, and non-tangible things, while not easliy proven, are not easily disproven either.
 
Teaching their sons to disrespect their fathers’ authority. 
 
Now, where are all these Black women/Single Black mothers that TEACH their SONS to disrespect their father's authority.  Or is it really that many Black men have not earned that respect because they have chosen to not be in their sons lives on a regular basis?
 
Teaching their sons to disrespect male authority and male authority figures.
 
Where are these Black women that are teaching their sons this?  Or is it in this case, the fact that because of the racist propaganda machine in America, that nearly every male authority disrespects Black men's sons, because they automatically assumes them as either criminals, violent, murdurous theives, rapists, drug dealers, drug addicts and lazy, won't work parasites on society?  Just like what has been done to the image of the adult Black males in America, the image of and stereotypical superstitions about ALL young Black males, is so far out of the hands and his parents, mother, single mother, father, no matter the parenting skills, from jump street.
 
Projecting anger at the father onto the son. 
 
Now, this is harder for any parent to do than what people are made to believe, most children instinctively love and respect their own parents, the key word here being "parent", the person who is in their life, showing and proving everyday their love, caring and concern.  But for the parent who is able to sever that natural bond a child has for another parent, it has nothing to do with race and/or socio-economic background, because it is found to happen with every race of people, every income of people, and in cases where the father is able to sever the natural bond and respect a child (son) has for its/his mother.
 
Not allowing their father to see them. 
 
This does happen, but it does not happen that often within African American families, it is something that does happen with families of any race in America.  But, the question is, Why does it happen?  It does not happen out of the blue and for no apparent reason.  I personally believe it should not happen under any circumstances short of child abuse, but there are some misguided mothers out that the do this if the father does not pay child support or when the father constantly lies to the child or when the father may be living a life the mother does not want her child exposed to. 
 
 
Bringing in substitutes for a father. 
 
Another thing that is not done ONLY by Black/single Black mothers.  This is something that has been happening in all races of people where the parents find themselves broken up.  Even in most of those cases, I'm not sure that I believe that most women dating or marrying men other than their son's father are "bring in a substitue' for his father, but is just doing what people do that are divorced or single, dating or getting engaged or marrying someone else. 
 
 
Coddling their sons. 
 
Now, this is something that Black mother may be guilty of.  Nowing what is up against the Black male in this country does cause many Black mothers to be overly protective of their Black sons, and for good reason in the grand scheme of things.  However, it may or may not have it backlash or faults, something that can't be known until the Black male is an adult, has never been to prison, has never been beaten nearly to death by a cop, hasn't been murdered by a cop, hasn't been recruited by drug dealers, hasn't joined a gang and commited violence or murder against another human being, hasn't been to prison for stealing, has finished school, has went to college, has a job and stays out of trouble.
 
Inconsistent discipline. 
 
Almost ALL parents are guilty of this.  Race, marital status, income or culture has nothing to do with it.
 
Teaching boys to be emotional. 
Boys that grown up without the ability to control their emotions has nothing to do with growing up in a single parent home or a two parent home.  It has more to do with the personality of the person than anything.  Some people are high-strung, passionate and are likely to not have as much control over their emotions as others, that's just a fact of nature, not nurture.  What other men see as weakness depend on the other men, what women see as weakness depends on the women.  It is not as cut and try as the above phrase indicates. 
 
 
 
Not teaching their sons what boundaries are.
 
I don't know any mothers out there that care about their child that does not teach the child boundaries.  Boundaries are some of the first lessons a child is taught, even by the most inept parents.   Boys who are taught boundaries growing up also grow up to have restraining orders filed against them, get arrested,  get beaten severely, and get killed  to make them STOP whatever they’re doing.  And what are all these line that Black males raised in single parent homes are crossing that are not being crossed by males growing up in two-parent homes as well?  What are these dangerous unnecessary risks that only Black males from single parent homes are taking that no males from two parent homes are not taking?  Where are all these Black males violating people's personal space, while people's personal space is never violated by males from two parent homes? 
 
 
Not teaching their sons coping skills.  
 
There are boys who grow up in single parent homes and boys that grow up in two parent homes often don’t learn how to cope with the obstacles life throws at them.  Lack of coping skills are found in  many people in general, whether they are from a single parent home or a two parent home, male, female, rich, poor.   Where are all these Black males that don’t grieve, hurt for a while and move on like Real Men do when things like rejection, failure and loss come into their lives ?  Hell, Black males on average have to deal with more rejection, failure and loss than men of any other groups, yet, it is overwhelmingly men of other groups that wind up on some rooftop shooting at masses of people, or setting off bombs to kills random strangers, or wind up going insane or committing suicide.  And just how many Black men are out their 'stalking' their ex-girlfriends and killing them? And when in the hell has it been Black ment that go on shooting rampages when they lose a job; damn, now this writer is making sh!t up. 
 
 
 
Establishing a co-dependent relationship. 
 
There is no evidence that this is a common occurrence in the Black family dynamic.  I'm sure there are occassions where this may be true with a mother-son relationship where they happen to be Black people, but this is so off the mark with most Black mothers, married or single.  The same goes for "smothering" their sons, often over protective, yes, but not smothering.
 
 
Bullying.
 
Everything he said on this subject is just gross exaggeration, and more of his extrapolating his own upbringing onto ALL Black males and Black mothers and/or Black single mothers.
 
Trying to run his life.
 
 Now he is making sh!t up.  Wow.

  I tried responding last night...but!  Too tired and I have a few things to say.  But!  These statements regarding "sons" are sooooooooooo ridiculous that I thought.  Why waste my time and words but I soon began to think how it is important to make it KNOWN on my end that these statements are not only FALSE, conjecture and unrealistic but the statements are trying to point on the side that women are unqualified to raise "the sons" who come from THEIR womb.   The sons they have nutured physically, developmentally and emotionally while they grow inside the walls of their being until ready to be born.  And this person who has done all of this for nine months is therefore incapable of raising that little being into adulthood cuz she doesn't oh lemme see think like a man?!  Come on.  Who in the fock is writing this bullshyte? And let me say....thinking like a man?  Is focking over RATED!!!!   Cuz there are sooooooooo many single households where men are absent.  Now what?  Stop raising the boys cuz there are no men in the house?  How ridiculous does that sound?  It almost seems like the kind of stupid shyte done in India, where the pregnant is put on ultrasound to see if the baby is a boy or girl.  And if it a girl, then the baby is aborted.  Like that doesn't make any sense and is cruel and inhumane towards "female", this article makes no focking sense.

 

For me it isn't even WORTH breaking each statement down cuz whoever wrote it I am sooooooooooo sure was raised by a woman even if there was a father in the home.  This is like breathing without AIR.   Cuz nine times outta TEN women are raising their children [male and female] without the physical assistance of the father.  No?  And something that was once common [2-parent household] is now very rare for long term.  You now have women taking whole of the entire responsibility of raising children....male and female.  So I really don't understand why this writer is focused on throwing women under the bus when the writer KNOWS full well if it were the loving mothers who decided to keep their "boys" close and NOT put them in foster care cuz they are fatherless..but!  Instead these wonderful women chose to RAISE their boys ALONE teaching them self-respect, self-sufficiency, discipline, socialization, goal-setting and confidence before going out in the CRUEL CRUEL world as young black men where the ODDS are soooooo against them cuz they are black....lemme just say this article is a deliberate distraction to belittle, degrade, socially minimize black women to keep the focus on them instead of on the deadbeat black fathers who are not there for their male children [and female children] because they are either in jail, prison, on drugs, homeless, trifling, insensitive to the needs of the children, head messed up cuz they fell for the lies about being a man in the first place and are just simply lazy immature and need to focking GROW up and stop screaming they are a man when in fact their behavior shows OTHERWISE.   

 

If a mere 10 percent of these deadbeat mofos would turn their lives around and become active mature parents for both their sons and daughters....teen pregnancy and male gang participation will decrease at an alarming rate; more black children will graduate from high school and onward to college...just a tiny 10 percent of black  men's parental involvement would make an enormous differences in their children's lives and the black community will be BETTER and stronger for it.  I don't like the fact that this article is all about the male children while dismissing the female children who needs their father's presence as well.  And I must say this also:  the reasons why this generation is sooooooo disrespectful, focked up, vile and don't have a clue?  Which by the way has nothing to do with a man being in the home.  The reasons why?  Is because many blackfolks STOP raising their children for the following reasons:  in jail/prison, on  drugs, lack of education(can't afford to care for them),  unable to teach values and principles, involved in gang and criminal behavior, teen pregancy(too young to care for children), too immature to raise children, self-absorbed in absolutely nothing but themselves-----again all of this have ABSOLUTELY nothing with the man being in the home or not[it's his CHOICE not to be involved with his children].  Let's not forget poverty..that plays a cruial part as well.  But somebody always wanna blame the mother for the woos of children.  She did not HAVE these children by herself.  She didn't just open  her legs and the air dropped in some man's sperm.  

 

It's sooooooooo easy to place blame on women to distact what the FOCK MANY men are NOT doing for their children.  If single black women weren't able to raise their sons we wouldn't have black men like:  Barack Obama, Malcolm X, Richard Wright, George Washington Carver,  Kwesi Mfsume,  Denzel Washington-just to name a few.  Now their fathers may have been there in the beginning of their lives....but!  It was these men's MOTHERS [except one who was raised by the grandmother].....WHO stood the course and raised them ALL into manhood-that's what mothers do.   And that's why MOTHER'S day is one of wall's street biggest celebration in terms of money spent for one DAY!  Other than Christmas.  Plus I personally KNOW single women through the years who RAISED phemenonal black MEN who didn't go into the woos of street life and went on to college and created a wonderful/positive/productive lives for themselves.  So this again...is straight out BULLSHYTE.  No merit.  Nada.  But! 

Originally Posted by Yemaya:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  

Bottom line is, though some black men show a disdain for black women time and time again, people just need to act like adults. If you have issues with your mother and women, go seek counseling. Boy, Bye!

...shouldn't single mothers fix the problems they create?  The writer of the text was very specific in telling his story and expounding on the reality of being born into a dysfunction...that's what those types of homes have become...launch pads for the prison industrial complex.  

Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!
Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

 

 

It's sooooooooo easy to place blame on women to distact what the FOCK MANY men are NOT doing for their children.  If single black women weren't able to raise their sons we wouldn't have black men like:  Barack Obama, Malcolm X, Richard Wright, George Washington Carver,  Kwesi Mfsume,  Denzel Washington-just to name a few.  Now their fathers may have been there in the beginning of their lives....but!  It was these men's MOTHERS [except one who was raised by the grandmother].....WHO stood the course and raised them ALL into manhood-that's what mothers do.   And that's why MOTHER'S day is one of wall's street biggest celebration in terms of money spent for one DAY!  Other than Christmas.  Plus I personally KNOW single women through the years who RAISED phemenonal black MEN who didn't go into the woos of street life and went on to college and created a wonderful/positive/productive lives for themselves.  So this again...is straight out BULLSHYTE.  No merit.  Nada.  But! 

You might need more and better examples...kweli mfume has five kids with fibber different mothers, President Obama mother was white and he credits his grandparents with raising him, Malcolm X served many years in jail a credits Elijah Muhammad with teaching him how to be a man...but to your list I'd like to add other famous examples, like Chris Brown (after his parents divorce, moms boyfriend beat him savagely...did the writer mention that in the text?),  Now bankrupt/unemployable Allen Iverson and Terrell Owens (both with emotional issues related to not knowing or having a realitionship with their father, per their mother actions that were described in the posted blog, )and Mike Tyson. There are many other examples, but I hope you get my point

-RadioRaheem,
 
 
 
Here is another reality that supports your response.   The foster care providers, the chief administrator, the owners of this foster care facility "Teens Happy Homes, a private foster care agency responsible for hundreds of children", the sleazy deceitful foster parents, are in fact Black women, some being university educated, and the victims are primarily Black children and/or his or her blood relative U.S. born Black parents.
 
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!

 

  @Brotha RR.  The point I was making in terms of achievement outside of a careered prison-life is that it has NOTHING to do with a man being in the home whether or not the young son will become a  successful "man".   But the guys I tried to ponder on in terms of examples...those guy's names came at the top of my head.  And as far as them experiencing life as adults? Well...we all have problems as human beings....that's part of life learning through the years how to problem-solve, how to acquire wisdom and knowledge .  But quite frankly it's true I do KNOW some black men from a one-parent family who are totally screwed up .......but!  I also know women  from a single parent household that may be screwed up as well.  It can go both ways.  My point again?  This dysfunction where you obtain it or not as a child does not HAVE anything to do with a woman RAISING a son alone-how her son turns out.  Cuz at the end of the day, it becomes a personal decision if manchild/boy wants to accept his manhood-cuz he's gonna be one physically anyway so he might as well decide at the appropriate time instead of trying to catch up once he's grown.  It's not like he can regress and become a child again.  So the decision is up to him. 

 

And unfortunately we as black people are tooooo busy blaming each other inwardly instead of focusing on what is currently happening to our culture outwardly that many of us are losing out on the benefits others died for us for.   We keep falling for the distraction.    I just don't understand.  And of course I am gonna go on the defense for women....cuz !  They have always been the backbone of black culture[and been treated the worse in some ways because of it].  Sorry I'm just not gonna accept the angst of a snout nose article written in poor conjecture essentially claiming because of "black women" young black men are being destroyed.  That's crazy.  And offensive.  Because the bottom line?  Don't care how the writer tries  to break it down,  it  doesn't comply with real life in real black life situations.     Black women are gonna continue having sons and raising them whether black fathers are in their child's life or not.  It many cases this is how it has been for a good while.  And just cuz somebody's writing something saying clearly from their perspective about what they THINK is sooooooo?  Doesn't mean that it is.  Just like anything else,.,,,,it's just a boxed opinion.  My main point.  But! 

Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

  @Brotha RR.  The point I was making in terms of achievement outside of a careered prison-life is that it has NOTHING to do with a man being in the home whether or not the young son will become a  successful "man".   But the guys I tried to ponder on in terms of examples...those guy's names came at the top of my head.  And as far as them experiencing life as adults? Well...we all have problems as human beings....that's part of life learning through the years how to problem-solve, how to acquire wisdom and knowledge .  But quite frankly it's true I do KNOW some black men from a one-parent family who are totally screwed up .......but!  I also know women  from a single parent household that may be screwed up as well.  It can go both ways.  My point again?  This dysfunction where you obtain it or not as a child does not HAVE anything to do with a woman RAISING a son alone-how her son turns out.  Cuz at the end of the day, it becomes a personal decision if manchild/boy wants to accept his manhood-cuz he's gonna be one physically anyway so he might as well decide at the appropriate time instead of trying to catch up once he's grown.  It's not like he can regress and become a child again.  So the decision is up to him. 

 

And unfortunately we as black people are tooooo busy blaming each other inwardly instead of focusing on what is currently happening to our culture outwardly that many of us are losing out on the benefits others died for us for.   We keep falling for the distraction.    I just don't understand.  And of course I am gonna go on the defense for women....cuz !  They have always been the backbone of black culture[and been treated the worse in some ways because of it].  Sorry I'm just not gonna accept the angst of a snout nose article written in poor conjecture essentially claiming because of "black women" young black men are being destroyed.  That's crazy.  And offensive.  Because the bottom line?  Don't care how the writer tries  to break it down,  it  doesn't comply with real life in real black life situations.     Black women are gonna continue having sons and raising them whether black fathers are in their child's life or not.  It many cases this is how it has been for a good while.  And just cuz somebody's writing something saying clearly from their perspective about what they THINK is sooooooo?  Doesn't mean that it is.  Just like anything else,.,,,,it's just a boxed opinion.  My main point.  But! 

My point is that you can find many examples on both sides, but the fact remains a two parent household provides the best, balanced home for the rearing of children...are there exceptions, yes, but by in large, the stats show that those homes fair better in producing functional adults.  

 

The part I underlined above, from your reply is utter bullspit.   What kinda of children will be developed by the mom that got zapped at the mall?  Do you think her encouraging her kids to disrespect a male authority figure is going to help them when they, as adults, deal with policemen? (This was also stated in the text)

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!


I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge.  You pose that statement like it is the 'norm" with Black female prison guards or Black women in general. 

 

And what "condition" are we trying to find a "single Black mother" to accept?  As apposed to the countless single White mothers, Latino Mothers, Asian mothers? 

 

I'm sorry that all the Black women YOU know fit that long exaggerated discription in that article, but I would say that if you actually told a Black man, young or old that his mother was almost any of those things, he would disagree and would be highly insulted and puzzled that someone actually believes that about Black women in general or about ALL single mothers.

 

 

 

 

Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!


I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge.  You pose that statement like it is the 'norm" with Black female prison guards or Black women in general. 

 

#nope, but when so many Black women are doing the same thing, in this case Four pregnant and 13 total having sex with a murderer, one might start to see a trend.  

 

And what "condition" are we trying to find a "single Black mother" to accept?  As apposed to the countless single White mothers, Latino Mothers, Asian mothers? 

#show me examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent and I will amend any statement I've Remember just to be clear, find four other race women sexing a murderer in jail, risking both their careers and jail, and getting pregnant....please post a link to that story!....Please!....or just admit that some levels mothers just suck at parental decisions and are doing a disservice to n young.

 

 

I'm sorry that all the Black women YOU know fit that long exaggerated discription in that article, but I would say that if you actually told a Black man, young or old that his mother was almost any of those things, he would disagree and would be highly insulted and puzzled that someone actually believes that about Black women in general or about ALL single mothers.

 

 #what exaggeration?  Do you want me to post more Tommy Sotomayor links?  His opinions are based on fact.  If you have a problem with news stories he references, please follow those link back to channel 4, tv news 18, or whereever he got the story from. Go complain to those news outlets, it's nomy his fault many ghetto black people are trifling.  

 

 

have a blessed Sunday!

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!


I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge.  You pose that statement like it is the 'norm" with Black female prison guards or Black women in general. 

 

#nope, but when so many Black women are doing the same thing, in this case Four pregnant and 13 total having sex with a murderer, one might start to see a trend.  

 

And what "condition" are we trying to find a "single Black mother" to accept?  As apposed to the countless single White mothers, Latino Mothers, Asian mothers? 

#show me examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent and I will amend any statement I've Remember just to be clear, find four other race women sexing a murderer in jail, risking both their careers and jail, and getting pregnant....please post a link to that story!....Please!....or just admit that some levels mothers just suck at parental decisions and are doing a disservice to n young.

 

 

I'm sorry that all the Black women YOU know fit that long exaggerated discription in that article, but I would say that if you actually told a Black man, young or old that his mother was almost any of those things, he would disagree and would be highly insulted and puzzled that someone actually believes that about Black women in general or about ALL single mothers.

 

 #what exaggeration?  Do you want me to post more Tommy Sotomayor links?  His opinions are based on fact.  If you have a problem with news stories he references, please follow those link back to channel 4, tv news 18, or whereever he got the story from. Go complain to those news outlets, it's nomy his fault many ghetto black people are trifling.  

 

 

have a blessed Sunday!


Come on now, you do realize that there are approximately 20+Million Black women in America, and that the actions of Four (4) Black women or four thousand Black women or four million Black women should not be used to paint ALL Black women, including Black single mothers with the same broad brush, and certainly not hold out these four women as examples of Black women/African American women or ALL Black/African American single mothers.

 

The examples of  examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent can be found in abortion clinics, adoption agencies, unnatural sex acts and shot-gun weddings.  So, what African American/Black women/Single mothers are really being told is, that they are hated and maligned because they won't/don't abort their babies or put them up for adoption or have shot-gun weddings to cover the evidence that women regardless of race are doing pretty much the exact same things when it comes to having sex. 

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!


I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge.  You pose that statement like it is the 'norm" with Black female prison guards or Black women in general. 

 

#nope, but when so many Black women are doing the same thing, in this case Four pregnant and 13 total having sex with a murderer, one might start to see a trend.  

 

And what "condition" are we trying to find a "single Black mother" to accept?  As apposed to the countless single White mothers, Latino Mothers, Asian mothers? 

#show me examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent and I will amend any statement I've Remember just to be clear, find four other race women sexing a murderer in jail, risking both their careers and jail, and getting pregnant....please post a link to that story!....Please!....or just admit that some levels mothers just suck at parental decisions and are doing a disservice to n young.

 

 

I'm sorry that all the Black women YOU know fit that long exaggerated discription in that article, but I would say that if you actually told a Black man, young or old that his mother was almost any of those things, he would disagree and would be highly insulted and puzzled that someone actually believes that about Black women in general or about ALL single mothers.

 

 #what exaggeration?  Do you want me to post more Tommy Sotomayor links?  His opinions are based on fact.  If you have a problem with news stories he references, please follow those link back to channel 4, tv news 18, or whereever he got the story from. Go complain to those news outlets, it's nomy his fault many ghetto black people are trifling.  

 

 

have a blessed Sunday!


Come on now, you do realize that there are approximately 20+Million Black women in America, and that the actions of Four (4) Black women or four thousand Black women or four million Black women should not be used to paint ALL Black women, including Black single mothers with the same broad brush, and certainly not hold out these four women as examples of Black women/African American women or ALL Black/African American single mothers.

 

The examples of  examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent can be found in abortion clinics, adoption agencies, unnatural sex acts and shot-gun weddings.  So, what African American/Black women/Single mothers are really being told is, that they are hated and maligned because they won't/don't abort their babies or put them up for adoption or have shot-gun weddings to cover the evidence that women regardless of race are doing pretty much the exact same things when it comes to having sex. 

Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Damn, so HE is going to project HIS mother's parenting onto all single mothers.

 

More Black Woman Hating/Black Single Mother Hating in the form of exaggerated assumptions and blanket judgments designed to insult the intelligence, character and image of Black Women, particularly BlackSingle Mothers

 

 

 Are single Black mothers above criticism, but Single Black fathers are not?

 

 

Please follow Tyler Perry, Michael Baisden, and Steve Harvey on Twitter  if you need pandering.  they get paid millions of dollars to lie to Black women..but this truth stands alone.  


It's not that single Black mothers are above criticism, it's that Single Black Mothers are above criticism that is designed to malign only Black Women, only Black Mothers, only Single Black Mothers.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that do all of the things he listed in that article.  I don't know any Black Mothers or Single Black Mothers that are doing either of the things listed in his article that are doing it because they are Black.  What his is doing is no more than the millennium old tactic of men that do not want to accept their part in problems, and that is to put all the blame on women, i.e., "Blame it all on Eve Syndrome". 

 

:-----------------------------------------

 

 
 
** how many single Black mothers do you know?  Must not be that many.  The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to...Esp those sons of this type of household!!  Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible...there are better a odds of hitting the lottery three days arrow row!   Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad...on purpose be cause momma is a dumbass?.lol not likely...right?  
 
As for much of the rest of what you wrote, I guess it is true, hit dog will holler!


I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge.  You pose that statement like it is the 'norm" with Black female prison guards or Black women in general. 

 

#nope, but when so many Black women are doing the same thing, in this case Four pregnant and 13 total having sex with a murderer, one might start to see a trend.  

 

And what "condition" are we trying to find a "single Black mother" to accept?  As apposed to the countless single White mothers, Latino Mothers, Asian mothers? 

#show me examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent and I will amend any statement I've Remember just to be clear, find four other race women sexing a murderer in jail, risking both their careers and jail, and getting pregnant....please post a link to that story!....Please!....or just admit that some levels mothers just suck at parental decisions and are doing a disservice to n young.

 

 

I'm sorry that all the Black women YOU know fit that long exaggerated discription in that article, but I would say that if you actually told a Black man, young or old that his mother was almost any of those things, he would disagree and would be highly insulted and puzzled that someone actually believes that about Black women in general or about ALL single mothers.

 

 #what exaggeration?  Do you want me to post more Tommy Sotomayor links?  His opinions are based on fact.  If you have a problem with news stories he references, please follow those link back to channel 4, tv news 18, or whereever he got the story from. Go complain to those news outlets, it's nomy his fault many ghetto black people are trifling.  

 

 

have a blessed Sunday!


Come on now, you do realize that there are approximately 20+Million Black women in America, and that the actions of Four (4) Black women or four thousand Black women or four million Black women should not be used to paint ALL Black women, including Black single mothers with the same broad brush, and certainly not hold out these four women as examples of Black women/African American women or ALL Black/African American single mothers.

 

The examples of  examples of other races of women being that careless with the very important selection process of finding a co-parent can be found in abortion clinics, adoption agencies, unnatural sex acts and shot-gun weddings.  So, what African American/Black women/Single mothers are really being told is, that they are hated and maligned because they won't/don't abort their babies or put them up for adoption or have shot-gun weddings to cover the evidence that women regardless of race are doing pretty much the exact same things when it comes to having sex. 

# I asked for links...please post links similar to the jail love story....please post an other race example...or just admit how f'ed up those single (he can't marry small four women at the same time) black (that's their common race) mothers (giving birth technically makes them mothers...do you need a dictionary link?)...again, please follow mike Baisden, Steve Harvey, and Tyler Perry for the paid pandering lies black women love so much.

Still looking for other race examples...this story is from 2009....I'll keep looking for female guards juggling balls of inmates...stay tuned!


http://www.witn.com/home/headl...=yes&device=ipad


Former Prison Guard Says She's Not Carrying Inmate's Baby

Windsor, NC - Tameka Mebane admits she had an on-the-job relationship, but she says a prison inmate is not the father of her child.

Mebane, who used to work as a correctional officer at the Bertie Correctional Institution in Windsor, is facing criminal charges for having sex with an inmate.

The Windsor woman talked to WITN's Michael Baldwin today. "I didn't confess to anything, he is assuming. That was a the rumor that was out..the rumor was I was pregnant before I knew I was pregnant. (Reporter) So this is an assumption by the police? (Mebane) True."

But Windsor police say Mebane admitted the inmate was the father during a police interview. "The question was asked was there a relationship and she said yes. Then the question was asked is her soon to be son to be born is that the inmates? And she said yes," says Sgt. Ricky Morris.

Mabane admits she had a relationship with an inmate, but disputes the police department report, which says in part, the evidence "consisted of several letters from and to the inmate in question."

The police report also alleges authorities found a cell phone on the inmate and Mebane's number was on that phone.

Police also say pictures were mailed to an inmate of a black woman with only underwear on. The woman appeared to be about four months pregnant. "No facial features were ever seen in the photos, but there were some details of the body that we feel it was her," says Morris.

Mabane says her relationship with the inmate lasted for two months and admits there may have been an encounter once which she says was wrong. But then WITN asked a simple question: (Reporter) "Who is the father? (Mebane) God. Reporter) "So you dont want to say who the father is? (Mebane) No."

 


 

Former Guard Charged

A former correctional officer has been arrested for having sex with an inmate and police say she's pregnant with the inmate's baby.

Tameka Mebane was charged last Wednesday with sexual offense in an institution. At the time Mebane was a guard at the Bertie Correctional Institution. She resigned February 2nd.

Windsor police Sgt. Ricky Morris says the woman is four months pregnant with the inmate's child and that the sexual encounters took place between October and the first of this year.

Morris says Mebane is accused of having sex with the inmate in several different places in the prison, including a closet and break room. He said the woman worked nights, when there were less restrictions and supervision of employees.

Mebane was released from jail on an unsecured $5,000 bond. Police say there will be no charges against the inmate.

 


 

Previous Story

A state correctional officer has resigned amid allegations that she had sex with a prisoner.

The Department of Correction says the officer resigned February 2nd. She worked at the Bertie Correctional Institution, which is a men's prison.

The allegations, according to state officials, is being investigated by Windsor police.

 


* this is another story I found.  Sorry I don't have time tons fid others, maybe you can post a link of white women 'doing it too'...thanks.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new...due-familiarity.html



Rife at Rikers! Liaisons between 'sex-starved female officers and prisoners go on all the time,' says ex guard...fired for 'undue familiarity'

 

UPDATED: 23:41 EST, 20 March 2011

 

Whistleblower: Yolanda Dickinson, who worked at Rikers Island prison in New York from 1997 to 2004, has penned a novel about the alleged prisoner/guard relations

Whistleblower: Yolanda Dickinson, who worked at Rikers Island prison in New York from 1997 to 2004, has penned a novel about the alleged relations

Passion is certainly not on lock down at Rikers Island prison, if one ex guard is to be believed.

Yolanda Dickinson, who worked at the jail in New York from 1997 to 2004, claims 'sex starved' female guards are having raunchy liaisons with the inmates they are paid to watch.

'They would do it on the midnight shift when there were not many people around,' Dickinson, 41, told the New York Post. 

'They have electronic cell doors, and it's not a problem for someone to crack open the door,' she added.

There are 3,890 female officers to some 12,000 male prisoners and love can blossom, according to Dickinson who has just written a novel - Taboo - based on the jail's sex scene.

'There are a lot of lonely single women on the job, and you're surrounded by these cute guys. They're working out. They're attractive,' Dickinson said.

'They're criminals, so they have a cunning way of approaching you. They study you all day.'

Dickinson, who claims she never had sex at work, does admit she fell for a prisoner during her time at Rikers.

He was a gang member who had admitted to killing a rapist. 

'People looked up to him for that. He said he did the world a favour,' Dickinson said.

Her crush developed further after the man stepped in and beat up another inmate after he groped her.

'It made me look at him differently,' she said.

Another ex - and the father of her 17-year-old son - served 10 years in federal prison on drugs charges. 

In 2004 Dickinson was fired from Rikers for 'undue familiarity' after denying to officials she had received a phone call from an inmate. 

 
Love island: There are 3,890 female officers to some 12,000 male prisoners and love can blossom, according to Dickinson

Love island: There are 3,890 female officers to some 12,000 male prisoners and passions can run high, according to Dickinson

'Undue familiarity is illegal, and it compromises safety and security,' correction spokesman, Stephen Morello, told the Post.

At least six female guards have been fired for undue familiarity with prisoners since 2007.

Kimberly Hurd, 39, had an inmate's love child; Yolanda Turner-Goodwin, 44, was snapped hugging and kissing a prisoner; and Kadessha Mulgrav, 34, allegedly had a midnight liaison with Lee Woods - in for killing a police officer - in a shower room.

  @Brotha RR:

 

As I always say to you young brotha....I'm not trying to CONVINCE you of anything.  I'm telling you what I KNOW.  Just cuz there are two parents in the same household doesn't mean the children are getting the best care.  I know two parent families where children are psychologically neglected and they feel abandoned...and BOTH parents are there...I also know two parent households where the children are MONSTERS with no form of guidance and directions or respect....and both parents are living under the same roof.  I also know the opposite where both parents are in the home and the children are thriving.  It depends on the PARENTS.  My children come from a two parent family but at the end of the day it was my sons decisions whether or not they chose to embrace their manhood.  Yes their father was there but there are other outside influence that shape children as well.  So it's not exclusive.  Jeffrey Dahmer came from a two parent household(I know he's white-stay with me here) but he ended up being a MURDERER.  I know he may not a good example but that's all I can think of right now.  My point is what I said earlier.  I stand ground on it.   

 

Question:   How many sons do you have?  What are YOUR experience raising them?  Are you together with your sons' mother?  Did you come from a two-parent household?  I did.  My significant other did.  And so what I'm saying may be bullshyte to YOU but it's reality to me.  Maybe that's where the miscommuication lies.  Maybe you as a parent aren't there yet.  Cuz if you were?  You would dismiss this BULLSHYTE article as what it is:  CONJECTURE and another negative way to throw all black single women with sons under the bus.   And as far as my comment regarding dysfunction goes?  Again...I'm not trying to CONVINCE you...I'm just sharing what I KNOW to be true from my experience and observation.  You can either accept or not.  Your choice.  And since you're not accepting.  That decision not to is totally on you.  Yet!  It doesn't and will NEVER change a thang I've said.  We will just have to agree to disagree.   But. 

  Sex-starved female officers?!!!!!  Wow!  I dunno.  Something's REAL wrong with this picture.  And these are the folks who are supposed to GUARD the criminals?  First, they are NOT professional.  And as humans where in the hell are the values and principles?  The integrity and dignity of doing the right thing ALWAYS.  What is the code that allows these women to do the unmentionable.  I'm getting ill.  Maybe that's the reason why they are guards in the first place.  To prey on the men.  How sick!  And they are bringing children into this mess?  Realllllllllllll sick.  But! 

Evidently, believing in stereotypes is like believing in superstitions; you can't convince people that believe in stereotypes that they are not true, or at least are not true for all the people that have had a particular stereotype forced on them, anymore than you can convince a person that is superstitious that breaking a mirror does not mean seven years of bad luck. 

Originally Posted by sunnubian:

Evidently, believing in stereotypes is like believing in superstitions; you can't convince people that believe in stereotypes that they are not true, or at least are not true for all the people that have had a particular stereotype forced on them, anymore than you can convince a person that is superstitious that breaking a mirror does not mean seven years of bad luck. 

+ I am not believing stereotypes, just checking the facts in your statement that "I guess you actually believe that it is only Black women that have sex with prisoners or murderer or that it is only Black female guards that have sex with the inmates they are in charge"...surely you could have shown links that other races of women did or are doing the same thing by now.  My point is that the mistakes of Black women are routinely given a pass by other Black women, yet actions of Black males are frequently dissed by those same Black women, i.e. Single motherhood vs single fatherhood.  While a Black single mother is often viewed as strong, wise,  and infallible, the other co-parent is considered a low-life that isn't doing enough and is the reason for any family failure....that's why i bought up the four pregnant prison guards and the murderer story.  You see, it would be a totally different tale if these women had a baby or two with a man that LATER became a murderer and convict.  In that case the women could say, he was a good man when I was dating/married to him but he turned to a life of crime or became evil, i.e. like the DC Sniper John Allen Muhammad.  

 

But in the actual case, what is the mindset of not one, but FOUR PRISON GUARDS that KNOW that the FATHER OF THEIR KIDS. is. a. MURDERER???...and ran drugs in and out the prison walls.  

 

This is an extreme story, but details the mindset of many hoodrats, i.e. I don't need no man' or 'Black men aint spit'.  From these hood people, you often get the detailed descriptions of the son of a single mother, as written in the article I posted.  I find it strange that so many women here were quick to dismiss the heartfelt feelings of a son that felt coerced into developing hatred for his father....a man which mom selected in the first place (personally responsibility?  not likely)  

Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

  Sex-starved female officers?!!!!!  Wow!  I dunno.  Something's REAL wrong with this picture.  And these are the folks who are supposed to GUARD the criminals?  First, they are NOT professional.  And as humans where in the hell are the values and principles?  The integrity and dignity of doing the right thing ALWAYS.  What is the code that allows these women to do the unmentionable.  I'm getting ill.  Maybe that's the reason why they are guards in the first place.  To prey on the men.  How sick!  And they are bringing children into this mess?  Realllllllllllll sick.  But! 

+ I think you and I are on the same page here,  I guess the government may need to start guarding the guards from themselves at some of these prisons.  

 

It does sound like a good movie storyline though...lol

Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

  @Brotha RR:

 

As I always say to you young brotha....I'm not trying to CONVINCE you of anything.  I'm telling you what I KNOW.  Just cuz there are two parents in the same household doesn't mean the children are getting the best care.  I know two parent families where children are psychologically neglected and they feel abandoned...and BOTH parents are there...I also know two parent households where the children are MONSTERS with no form of guidance and directions or respect....and both parents are living under the same roof.  I also know the opposite where both parents are in the home and the children are thriving.  It depends on the PARENTS.  My children come from a two parent family but at the end of the day it was my sons decisions whether or not they chose to embrace their manhood.  Yes their father was there but there are other outside influence that shape children as well.  So it's not exclusive.  Jeffrey Dahmer came from a two parent household(I know he's white-stay with me here) but he ended up being a MURDERER.  I know he may not a good example but that's all I can think of right now.  My point is what I said earlier.  I stand ground on it.   

 

Question:   How many sons do you have?  What are YOUR experience raising them?  Are you together with your sons' mother?  Did you come from a two-parent household?  I did.  My significant other did.  And so what I'm saying may be bullshyte to YOU but it's reality to me.  Maybe that's where the miscommuication lies.  Maybe you as a parent aren't there yet.  Cuz if you were?  You would dismiss this BULLSHYTE article as what it is:  CONJECTURE and another negative way to throw all black single women with sons under the bus.   And as far as my comment regarding dysfunction goes?  Again...I'm not trying to CONVINCE you...I'm just sharing what I KNOW to be true from my experience and observation.  You can either accept or not.  Your choice.  And since you're not accepting.  That decision not to is totally on you.  Yet!  It doesn't and will NEVER change a thang I've said.  We will just have to agree to disagree.   But. 

 

+I understand that a two parent home aint always perfect.  Adolf Hitler, G.W. Bush, and the Boston Bomber suspects all come from a two parent household (and i'll say they simply F'ed up as parents!!!)  but by in large, the best home of a child is a functional two parent household, if available.  

 

As for the article, all of the young and old black men I sent it too came back with two main sides: those that felt that the article hit the nail on the head and those that felt that he didn't go in hard enough.  All in the second camp came from a single mother household.  One of my friends talked about how he couldn't understand why his mom didn't like any of his girlfriends and hated his new wife.  From all the years i've known my friend, he always seems to pick nice women that were positive nad supportive girlfriends, but anyway, to his moms, she hated them all.  Basically, his mom didn't like any other woman taking up her son's time and focus.  She basically was using her son as a surrogate boyfriend, i.e. taking her to dinners at nice restaurants, plays, and movies [he was over 30 at the time btw].  to him, the article, expalined why his mom was acting that way and he felt bad for alot of the previous girlfriends, because although they were great women, he dumped some of them at mom's request.

 

As for me...i'm just a happily married man with kids (all from the same woman and born after our wedding date)

One thing is certain.  The Black female officers who compromised themselves gainful and lawful employment careers may be finished, their reputations are in the toilet, and after the criminal indictment, fines, etc., these women may eventually become part of the female prison inmate population.  

 

http://bjs.gov/content/reentry/recidivism.cfm

 

http://nation.time.com/2013/04...y-high-unemployment/

 

http://madamenoire.com/50225/n...omen-in-prison-rise/

 

Unless given a second chance, a Felon, especially Black men and women who are felons face an uphill battle finding lawful gainful employment.    Unless they have substantial savings, or hit the lottery, without work, without lawfully earned money this increases the chance of a felon committing additional criminal acts just to provide the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, and shelter, which means the chance of returning to prison are high. 

 

Why subject yourself to this, namely being punished, fined, and possibly serving prison time for a crime you truly committed.    Even worse than the actual prison time served is the earned "felony jacket" that brands you for life, you lose the right to vote, trash opportunities to be gainfully and lawfully employed, you will lose a valuable license to make money if self employed,  your ability to demand the going rate for any skills you can be reduced substantially, etc., etc., etc. 

 

http://www.reportingonhealth.o...-after-michael-jacks

 

Just look at what is happening to Dr. Conrad Murray and other individuals like him, who chose the wrong path to success, namely the criminal path to success, so much so that his license to practice medicine is revoked.

 

 Was having sex with the prison inmates you are employed to monitor all worth it?   I don't believe so, but to each his or her own.  Now that was some expensive sex.

 
 
Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

  Sex-starved female officers?!!!!!  Wow!  I dunno.  Something's REAL wrong with this picture.  And these are the folks who are supposed to GUARD the criminals?  First, they are NOT professional.  And as humans where in the hell are the values and principles?  The integrity and dignity of doing the right thing ALWAYS.  What is the code that allows these women to do the unmentionable.  I'm getting ill.  Maybe that's the reason why they are guards in the first place.  To prey on the men.  How sick!  And they are bringing children into this mess?  Realllllllllllll sick.  But! 

 

Brotha RR wrote: 

...but by in large, the best home of a child is a functional two parent household, if available.

 

Now this I can agree with.  And the word to look for is "available" As I stated before two-parent household long term is very rare nowadays.  But!  They are out there.

 

As for me...i'm just a happily married man with kids (all from the same woman and born after our wedding date)

 

That's great news! I like that. Since you are probably old enough to be my "son, " I will share a bit of a wisdom from experience [married for over 30 plus years with several children in the household] regarding an evolving family life.....always come to the table with two things: partnership and patience. It works wonders for whatever obstacle in your path as parents.  And yes, with each child there will challenges but it's supposed to be. That's how they learn....and develop into maturity as you continue to learn as an evolving parent.  And then....one day [it will happen real fast] you will suddenly find yourself on the other side of all your hard work.  And you and your wife will beam with pride cuz you'll know yall done good with your children.  Now as for me?  I can't WAIT to be a nana. It's party time. I'm gonna spoiled the grand kids and feed them "sugar" and spice and everything nice....and then....send them home to their parents.   Revenge is sweet.   But!

 

 

BTW:  Oprah is doing a documentary on Fatherless Sons on OWN.  I bet a dime against a donut that although some black men may see themselves in this article, I'm sure that this documentary comin up will NOT be bashing black women[who did their best to raise their sons alone] or throwing them under the bus cuz it's convenient...thus letting the MEN off the hook for abandoning their sons.  This is an issue between FATHER and SON.  Not mother and son.  Cuz most times MOTHER has been there.....father?  Not at all.  I bet this documentary will get to the heart of how MEN feel about not SEEING their son while growing up and what impact the absence had on their lives.  So....I'm gonna watch it to get a better perspective.  And then I will come back to readdress what I have heard from actual men experiencing this phenomena.  It will be interesting to see who will be BLAMED for this neglect.  But! 

Originally Posted by Kocolicious:

BTW:  Oprah is doing a documentary on Fatherless Sons on OWN.  I bet a dime against a donut that although some black men may see themselves in this article, I'm sure that this documentary comin up will NOT be bashing black women[who did their best to raise their sons alone] or throwing them under the bus cuz it's convenient...thus letting the MEN off the hook for abandoning their sons.  This is an issue between FATHER and SON.  Not mother and son.  Cuz most times MOTHER has been there.....father?  Not at all.  I bet this documentary will get to the heart of how MEN feel about not SEEING their son while growing up and what impact the absence had on their lives.  So....I'm gonna watch it to get a better perspective.  And then I will come back to readdress what I have heard from actual men experiencing this phenomena.  It will be interesting to see who will be BLAMED for this neglect.  But! 

+I doubt OWN network will do the topic justice.  Let's not forget it was Oprah that after Don Imus' "Nappy headed h0es" comment and controversy, the first group she blamed were Black male rappers.  Strangely, no one could ever find one rap lyric or rapper to use that term...ever!!!  Oh well, so if Oprah is touching the topic, get ready for some bullspit!!!

 

thanks for the marriage advice...8 years and counting!! 

Actually it will be on OWN on this very Sunday, May 5th at 9/8pm EST.... Like I said, people just need to grow up and take care of their responsibility ie putting on their big girl/big boy draws on.

 

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...or-Fatherless-Sons_1

 

Iyanla Vanzant

When my young son's teacher asked to see me, I reacted defensively. I was a 17-year-old girl thinking: "What had he done this time? What am I going to do with that boy?" The conversation was a rude awakening. "Your son pulls his pants down when he uses the bathroom," the teacher told me. "He doesn't know how to use a urinal." I turned my face to hide the tears of embarrassment. In that moment, as I explained our situation, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks: I am the mother of a fatherless son. Listening to the corrective measures offered by the teacher, it became clear that I was training my son from my perspective as a woman. There were some things that I just didn't know—and others I had failed to realize.

When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way, he can never be quite sure about the manhood things he needs to know. He's never really clear about how strong is strong enough, how soft is too soft, or how much doing and giving is enough, from a man's point of view. A boy needs a man to teach him how to push forward and when to pull back. A man can demonstrate to a boy when to stand up—and for how long.

When a boy doesn't have a father to guide him, he's not sure when to speak up or when to shut up. A man who did not have the input of a father is never quite sure about what other men will think about what he has to say. When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way to being a man, he's never quite sure who a man is or what a man does. A woman may cry when she's afraid, scream when she's angry, eat chocolate when she is depressed or off balance. What does a man do? How does a man handle turmoil in his mind or heart?

When a boy doesn't have a father, he grows up never feeling quite sure about himself, his life and what is expected of him. He may overcompensate, undercommit and, in some cases, just give up rather than fail. He may grieve silently what he missed and what he may be missing. He may quietly long for the love of a father. He may believe he lacks that special something that makes him worthy of love.

For years, I watched my fatherless son struggle. I cried about his failures. I took credit for his success. Like so many mothers raising fatherless sons, I made his life about me, failing to recognize there were things he needed that I just didn't have to give. It wasn't a failure on my part or his part. It was simply a reality, a truth that neither his father nor I considered.

My son's story is a familiar story. It is the story of hundreds of thousands of boys growing up without fathers, with only their mothers' perspectives of manhood to lean on. Some of those perspectives are clear, powerful and loving. They work well to shape a boy's mind and heart. Others do not. They are perspectives filled with anger, disappointment, vindictiveness, fear, shame and guilt that is impressed upon a boy's soul about who he better or better not be as a man. All too often, these are the perspectives that pave the road to prison, drugs, domestic violence and arrested manhood development.

Shall we blame the mothers? Shall we call the fathers guilty? I suspect that neither would be a good fix. What needs to happen quickly is that parents must become responsible and accountable for the lives that God has placed into their hands. The mother of a fatherless son must keep the door open. The father of a son must learn how to, and be willing to, walk through the open door to his son's heart and life. All boys need to know what it feels like to have a man—a father—love them.

Tune in Sunday, May 5, at 9/8c for a special two-hour conversation about the epidemic of fatherless sons on Oprah's Lifeclass.

 


Get resources for fathers and support for fatherless sons

 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...Sons_1#ixzz2SGCO8j9y

Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
 

...shouldn't single mothers fix the problems they create?  The writer of the text was very specific in telling his story and expounding on the reality of being born into a dysfunction...that's what those types of homes have become...launch pads for the prison industrial complex.  

 

What problems created by "single" mothers that are not also the fault of the "single" father of the child? 

 


 

Originally Posted by Yemaya:

Actually it will be on OWN on this very Sunday, May 5th at 9/8pm EST.... Like I said, people just need to grow up and take care of their responsibility ie putting on their big girl/big boy draws on.

 

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...or-Fatherless-Sons_1

 

Iyanla Vanzant

When my young son's teacher asked to see me, I reacted defensively. I was a 17-year-old girl thinking: "What had he done this time? What am I going to do with that boy?" The conversation was a rude awakening. "Your son pulls his pants down when he uses the bathroom," the teacher told me. "He doesn't know how to use a urinal." I turned my face to hide the tears of embarrassment. In that moment, as I explained our situation, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks: I am the mother of a fatherless son. Listening to the corrective measures offered by the teacher, it became clear that I was training my son from my perspective as a woman. There were some things that I just didn't know—and others I had failed to realize.

When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way, he can never be quite sure about the manhood things he needs to know. He's never really clear about how strong is strong enough, how soft is too soft, or how much doing and giving is enough, from a man's point of view. A boy needs a man to teach him how to push forward and when to pull back. A man can demonstrate to a boy when to stand up—and for how long.

When a boy doesn't have a father to guide him, he's not sure when to speak up or when to shut up. A man who did not have the input of a father is never quite sure about what other men will think about what he has to say. When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way to being a man, he's never quite sure who a man is or what a man does. A woman may cry when she's afraid, scream when she's angry, eat chocolate when she is depressed or off balance. What does a man do? How does a man handle turmoil in his mind or heart?

When a boy doesn't have a father, he grows up never feeling quite sure about himself, his life and what is expected of him. He may overcompensate, undercommit and, in some cases, just give up rather than fail. He may grieve silently what he missed and what he may be missing. He may quietly long for the love of a father. He may believe he lacks that special something that makes him worthy of love.

For years, I watched my fatherless son struggle. I cried about his failures. I took credit for his success. Like so many mothers raising fatherless sons, I made his life about me, failing to recognize there were things he needed that I just didn't have to give. It wasn't a failure on my part or his part. It was simply a reality, a truth that neither his father nor I considered.

My son's story is a familiar story. It is the story of hundreds of thousands of boys growing up without fathers, with only their mothers' perspectives of manhood to lean on. Some of those perspectives are clear, powerful and loving. They work well to shape a boy's mind and heart. Others do not. They are perspectives filled with anger, disappointment, vindictiveness, fear, shame and guilt that is impressed upon a boy's soul about who he better or better not be as a man. All too often, these are the perspectives that pave the road to prison, drugs, domestic violence and arrested manhood development.

Shall we blame the mothers? Shall we call the fathers guilty? I suspect that neither would be a good fix. What needs to happen quickly is that parents must become responsible and accountable for the lives that God has placed into their hands. The mother of a fatherless son must keep the door open. The father of a son must learn how to, and be willing to, walk through the open door to his son's heart and life. All boys need to know what it feels like to have a man—a father—love them.

Tune in Sunday, May 5, at 9/8c for a special two-hour conversation about the epidemic of fatherless sons on Oprah's Lifeclass.

 


Get resources for fathers and support for fatherless sons

 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...Sons_1#ixzz2SGCO8j9y


Again, ALL of these things are not necessarily true for ALL males raised by a single mother.  People keep acting like single mothers are something new, at least since right-wing politics has used every form of propaganda to condem, malign and create "self-fulfilling prophecy syndrome" in the children that are raised in single-mother homes. 

 

Some things are instinctively male or female, some males are just not born with natural male instincts and have to act them out vicariously by literally watching other males. 

 

I do believe that children do need the influence, presence and guidance of males, preferabley their own father, but also of females, preferably their own mothers.  However, I don't believe that EVERY male child raised by a sing mother is doomed to failure or will grow up wanting to wear dresses.  I think the "urinal" example was a very poor choice to put out as an example.  ALL little boys have to become accustomed to using a urinal.  Most people don't have urinals in their homes,[even two-parent homes].  I noticed the child's age was not mention; I'll bet the child was not more than 5 or 6. 

 

There are so many things that young males do learn from their fathers and other males in their life, but I don't think it makes or breaks how a male child will turn out.  But, notice if you will, how a young girl growing up without a mother is rarely even mentioned and no one is suprised that a young girl raised by a single father seems to still, in most cases, instinctively grasps onto her natural born femininity and figures out so many things that her father has not discussed with her or drew up a blue print for. 

 

Boys have grown up in single mother homes since forever; fathers have always died, fathers gotten killed, fathers have always gotten sick and died, fathers have always gone off to war never to return, fathers have always abandoned their families, some fathers are useless alchoholics or drug addicts, some fathers have always been inept parents, some fathers have always been abusive to their own children; so the first thing people need to do is stop acting as if single mothers are something new, or that never before most recent years were male children raised by single mothers. 

 

The problems African America has with young Black males goes far beyond just being raised in a single-parent/mother home.

Sista Sunnubian wrote: 

The problems African America has with young Black males goes far beyond just being raised in a single-parent/mother home.

 
 Sho' you're right my sista.  And these accussations ARE merely a distraction to the FACT the FATHER choses NOT to be in his son's life....which by the way has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with what the mother is or is not DOING.  One thing for sure, she has NOT abandoned her responsibility to her child.  And this article as usual is seeking the easy way out by BLAMING mothers for the inadequacies of their sons....  Someone said in a statement above about a boy pulling his pants down to pee instead of taking the aim.  Well I have girls.  I remember when they tried peeing like boys.  This behavior is called the penis envy-where girls try to imitate the way boys use the bathroom.  So just because a little boy observes how female uses the bathroom DOES NOT mean he will GROW up using the bathroom in that manner.  It is ridiculous to assume so.   I think the important thing is to have same sex mentors in your children's lives with the proper supervisionHell...I came up in a village where I couldn't DO anything "wrong" without getting in trouble with somebody somewhere in neighbor who saw me.  Back in those day, Uncle Jeffrow could reprimand you [sometimes slapping you on the butt] or Ms. Ann can put her hands on her hips and tell you a thing or two but that's was because THEY cared and was a part of a close-knit community.  I understand that it is NOT like that anymore....but!  We have to be very careful with all this noise distracting the fact that while it is LOUD noise about much to do about nothing...I haven't seen REAL men come to the table and say "you know YOU'RE RIGHT....we need to encourage MORE men to be a part of their sons' lives and implement a program to address that.  Or the courts need to require bonding time with children along with child support payments."  But do they?  Hellllllllll no.  Men just blame the women instead.  So for the brothers who always scream "I'm a man."  Try proving it by being a father to your son by giving him the TIME he deserves so he can evolve in his own form of manhoodHow about that?    But!
Originally Posted by sunnubian:
Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:
 

...shouldn't single mothers fix the problems they create?  The writer of the text was very specific in telling his story and expounding on the reality of being born into a dysfunction...that's what those types of homes have become...launch pads for the prison industrial complex.  

 

What problems created by "single" mothers that are not also the fault of the "single" father of the child? 

 


 

+ the guy that wrote the article I posted already addressed some of these.  Please re-read it...esp. the part about disrespecting male authority and how that can doom a son in the workplace and in interactions with the police.

 
 
+ but isnOriginally Posted by Yemaya:

Actually it will be on OWN on this very Sunday, May 5th at 9/8pm EST.... Like I said, people just need to grow up and take care of their responsibility ie putting on their big girl/big boy draws on.

 

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...or-Fatherless-Sons_1

 

Iyanla Vanzant

When my young son's teacher asked to see me, I reacted defensively. I was a 17-year-old girl thinking: "What had he done this time? What am I going to do with that boy?" The conversation was a rude awakening. "Your son pulls his pants down when he uses the bathroom," the teacher told me. "He doesn't know how to use a urinal." I turned my face to hide the tears of embarrassment. In that moment, as I explained our situation, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks: I am the mother of a fatherless son. Listening to the corrective measures offered by the teacher, it became clear that I was training my son from my perspective as a woman. There were some things that I just didn't know—and others I had failed to realize.

When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way, he can never be quite sure about the manhood things he needs to know. He's never really clear about how strong is strong enough, how soft is too soft, or how much doing and giving is enough, from a man's point of view. A boy needs a man to teach him how to push forward and when to pull back. A man can demonstrate to a boy when to stand up—and for how long.

When a boy doesn't have a father to guide him, he's not sure when to speak up or when to shut up. A man who did not have the input of a father is never quite sure about what other men will think about what he has to say. When a boy doesn't have a father to show him the way to being a man, he's never quite sure who a man is or what a man does. A woman may cry when she's afraid, scream when she's angry, eat chocolate when she is depressed or off balance. What does a man do? How does a man handle turmoil in his mind or heart?

When a boy doesn't have a father, he grows up never feeling quite sure about himself, his life and what is expected of him. He may overcompensate, undercommit and, in some cases, just give up rather than fail. He may grieve silently what he missed and what he may be missing. He may quietly long for the love of a father. He may believe he lacks that special something that makes him worthy of love.

For years, I watched my fatherless son struggle. I cried about his failures. I took credit for his success. Like so many mothers raising fatherless sons, I made his life about me, failing to recognize there were things he needed that I just didn't have to give. It wasn't a failure on my part or his part. It was simply a reality, a truth that neither his father nor I considered.

My son's story is a familiar story. It is the story of hundreds of thousands of boys growing up without fathers, with only their mothers' perspectives of manhood to lean on. Some of those perspectives are clear, powerful and loving. They work well to shape a boy's mind and heart. Others do not. They are perspectives filled with anger, disappointment, vindictiveness, fear, shame and guilt that is impressed upon a boy's soul about who he better or better not be as a man. All too often, these are the perspectives that pave the road to prison, drugs, domestic violence and arrested manhood development.

Shall we blame the mothers? Shall we call the fathers guilty? I suspect that neither would be a good fix. What needs to happen quickly is that parents must become responsible and accountable for the lives that God has placed into their hands. The mother of a fatherless son must keep the door open. The father of a son must learn how to, and be willing to, walk through the open door to his son's heart and life. All boys need to know what it feels like to have a man—a father—love them.

Tune in Sunday, May 5, at 9/8c for a special two-hour conversation about the epidemic of fatherless sons on Oprah's Lifeclass.

 


Get resources for fathers and support for fatherless sons

 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-li...Sons_1#ixzz2SGCO8j9y

+ but isn't  Ms. Vanzant a former teen mom and a 2 or 3 times divorcee??  That's a great pile of personal baggage to promote yourself as a relationship expert...who does she think she is...Steve Harvey??  LOL!!!!

  @ Sista Yemaya

 

It's acoming.  She's just getting started.  And behind misogny[don't wanna sound like a broken record but this is important cuz this mindset is subliminal] is the sodomy of the African culture.  They are trying to force this sick pattern of Eurasia behavior down the throats of the black community-we saw what it has done to Africa.

 

 Oprah is having an interview with the basketball player who came out.  Oprah had indicated that the black community is more harsher toward homosexuality than any other group!  Well....that's because we as a culture were RAPED by it.  So it will be very interesting to see how this young man is gonna explain how he began to know 'when and how" he knew he was gay.  Now Rhode Island just passed Gay Marriage into law....it's slow burn but as I said it is coming and the root of misogyny is gonna be SPOTLIGHTED as being the "REAL" ramification of this sick traditional patriarchal behavior,    All I can say is "PARENTS hold on to your young boys real tight!"   But!

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